Friday, October 28, 2016

Life "Before the Dream"

I have ended up with another unexpected long weekend. This one came with little warning so I don't have a plan. A day off without an agenda sounded like my kind of heaven just a few short months ago. But much has changed since then.

I am not depleted when I wake up in the morning and I have not been sleeping through my days off. I have still felt exhausted at the end of each daycare day but I believe that comes from a place of not feeling like I'm meeting my expectations and potential rather than the frazzled kind of exhaustion of "yester-month".

"What do I do with this bonus day?" is the question of the hour. I have many cupboards and closets yet to empty. A can of paint would not go far within this house of ours. There are nooks, crannies, light fixtures, blinds and windows to clean. "Where do I begin?" is a better question to ask.

Dealing with the excesses of my daycare world came with a bonus. Selling off items I will no longer need provided a financial reward. I could and should use those monetary gains to start sprucing up the place a little bit. The sad part is the fact that eight weeks of sales could be consumed all too quickly within this needy house of ours.

The harder one has to work for cold, hard cash, the harder it is to part with it. The cycle of debt and over-spending is another story altogether. The thought "I already owe a little bit of money, so what is a little bit more?" verses "It took a lot of time and energy to save that money, I don't want to fritter it away" is a very legitimate excuse to cut up one's credit cards, eliminate debt and start living within one's means.

As I sit here, mapping out my day I am NOT thinking of ways to spend money I don't have. What should I do? What can I do? Where is this life of mine going? Where do I need to invest my time? are the questions of this hour.

I spent time perusing the "room for rent" ads trying to figure out if that is something I could do. If it was someone I knew or a friend of a friend or family member? Perhaps. A complete and utter stranger? That's harder to picture.

I spent a little time looking at job postings. I think I will apply for one. But it is for a full-time, permanent position. I already have a part-time job to take me into the new year. I don't want to end up working six days a week again. I don't!

I love the idea of considering the time of great change to be my first step into "pre-retirement". I want to be ready, willing and able to work. But I don't really want to be tied down to a job. That sounds like a lot to ask, especially when that idea is not financially feasible.

This is what "retirement" looked like to me when I was deep in my dream state of believing anything is possible:

I wanted to run a Bed & Breakfast, do bookkeeping as a sideline and with the hope of supplementing my income from my writing endeavours.

Is this a viable option? I am already doing a little bookkeeping on the side and writing. All I need to do is work out details of the B & B and I'm on my way. Right?

Maybe that is why I'm being driven to purge and release right now. Something inside of me still believes in the dream that of one of my income sources will come from our home. Some how. Some way ...

And if I'm wrong? I will have a cleaner, more organized and hopefully better maintained home. Now I must go and empty a cupboard.

No comments:

Post a Comment