A New Lease on Life

After 3 days off and accomplishing almost everything I set out to do, I am looking around this morning and I feel renewed.

From outward appearances, nothing is changed.

I have sprinkled grass seed in various dead spots in the yard ... but until it starts to grow, it looks the same. I have cleaned out some closets and dressers ... but the doors and drawers are closed and it looks the same. The garage is organized once more. But the doors are always shut, so from the outside ... it looks unchanged. The windows and blinds are clean, but to anyone else that glances at them ... they appear the same as they always do. Registers have been vacuumed out; the ceiling fans have been cleaned; the lawnmower and BBQ are ready to go. But it all looks the same as it did before.

Sometimes that is just the way it is. It is the inner cleansing that feels so refreshing. I look at the closed doors and know that within, it is cleaned out and ready to go.

I have filled our garbage bin for the first time in about a year. I have taken 2 trips of recyling to various drop off points. I have a shelf where I'm starting to accumulate 'garage sale items'. I'm letting go of some of the old stuff.

I have had times where I'm more than ready to get rid of everything and anything that defines clutter or isn't used regularly. Then I've had other times where I look at something and waiver - not knowing what to let go of or keep. This matter of decision or indecision seems to mirror what is going on within myself. The times where I've been able to let go without a second thought are during times of growth and renewal. When I thought my last relationship was headed towards a 'foreverness', I had an easy time letting go of things and moving forward. During the struggle of holding onto that relationship, I picked up an item and felt an anxiety. I couldn't let anything go. Right now, I seem to be somewhere in between the 2 places. I guess that is a good enough place to be. I'm not throwing out everything. Nor am I hanging on to what I don't need.

As I look all around me this morning, everything looks the same. But it feels so different. An internal change. I think that is what has happened within myself during this year of growth. An inner peace and strength that I had lost somewhere along the way.

I feel renewed. I feel that my actions are reflecting what is going on within. Although from all outward appearances I look exactly the same, I feel a brand new and refreshed within.