10 Years

My Youngest celebrated his 10th birthday yesterday. 10 years. It's hard to believe that it was 10 years ago that he entered our lives. It's been a good run.

The birth of each of my children brought a huge amount of transition to my life ...

I was 17 years old when My Oldest was born. I went from child to adult in the blink of an eye and I was simply not ready for any of it (adulthood, parenthood &/or marriage). I was in a shaky marriage that crumbled by the time My Oldest was 4 months old. I moved back home until I got my feet back under me. That was in January. By November I had bought a townhouse and we were forged out on our own.

My mom took care of my son while I worked and grew into my responsibilities as a parent. By the time My Oldest was 2 years old, I was in a much better spot to be a mother. I'm so grateful that my mom stepped up to the plate for me. The bond that she has with My Oldest Son is unmistakable and totally reciprocated. I don't begrudge the fact that she earned that special place in his heart (and vice versa). Thank goodness she was there for him when I wasn't ....

I was 26 years old when My Second Son was born. The shaky marriage that started before My Oldest Child was born went through many reconciliations, separations and divorces. We were on reconciliation #3 by the time our Second Son arrived. Things were really falling apart while I was pregnant ... and by the time My Second Son was ready to enter the scene, the note that I left on the table when I went to the hospital to have him was: "The VCR is in the shop; Our Oldest is at Mom's; and I'm in the hospital."

The marriage ended for good and for always 3 months after My Second Son was born. The divorce didn't happen for a few years (I'd already paid for one divorce and then we got remarried. I was determined not to pay for another divorce unless it lasted!). At age 27, I packed up my family and we moved to another province. I was determined to break the cycle of abuse and addiction that defined our previous life. I was broken and had almost zero self confidence when it came to anything 'domestic'. I was pretty confident in my ability to work though. I went into that one and only job interview and sold myself like I've never done before. I was a good worker, I knew my job, I could learn and adapt. I was worthy of getting that job. And I got it.

That move was the wisest decision that I had made in my life to that point. I was in a whole new world. It took a while to make friends, but as I did accumulate new friends out here I found that I was surrounded by an entirely different mindset of people. My friends from my Old Life were the wives of my husband's friends. We were all in a different but similar 'survival mode' in these relationships that weren't good for us. We were bonded by our struggles. The friends I made after I moved were 'whole' people. Strong, supportive, independent ... they were people that I looked up to and aspired to be like. For the first time in my adult life, I felt strong and happy. I felt 'whole'.

I thought that I had found an equal partner in life during this time. I was very gun-shy about a lifetime commitment with a blended family of 6 kids between the 2 of us. So I 'ran'. Eventually we reconciled and when I found myself pregnant and single at age 37, I stayed true to myself. I chose to accept and embrace the situation I was in ... and this time he 'ran'.

10 years ago My Youngest was born. The 10 years that have followed have once again been life altering. I have been an at-home-Mom for those 10 years. I've followed my heart and I have built a life that I wouldn't change for the world.

My Oldest and I have had our tough times during those 10 years (and before that as well) but I think we are back on track. Things aren't perfect, but they are so much better. He has gone back to school and in a career that he has chosen and he's a very healthy financial situation. He's a strong, independent and self supporting soul. He's found someone special in his life and they've been together for about 8 years. Though I think My Oldest still has some 'ghosts' in his past, (in a small way) he started facing up to those. I think he is on the right track.

My Second Son has a good job and working for someone that he truly enjoys. He continues to peel back layers of himself and show the man he has grown into. He is sensitive, open and he accepts his life as it is and just deals with it. He is an amazing big brother to His Younger Brother. He treats me with such an open and giving quality. He is in a serious relationship and I think he's pretty sensitive and open with his girlfriend. He is wise beyond his years.

I see My Youngest Son looking up to his big brothers ... especially My Second Son, because he has always been such a big part of My Youngest's life. His Middle Brother is his 'constant', in a changing world. Yes, he has step brothers, a step sister and even His Oldest Brother. But no one has been with him as much as My Second Son has. They went through a bad spell where things weren't too good. But in My Second Son's maturity, he has really stepped up as a strong male figure in His Youngest Brother's life. He wants to be there for His Brother, in a way his own dad wasn't there for him. My Youngest admires His Older Brother and appreciates what they have ... possibly more so because there was a time when they didn't get along so well.

During this past 10 years, My Youngest's dad and I reconciled and eventually split (for good, this time ... I seem to have a habit of giving my 'forever relationships' three chances before I quit entirely). The split was painful but necessary. The pain spurred me into making choices in my life that have filled my heart and soul. My life is full. I am surrounded by people that are upbeat, encouraging, positive and just generally fun to be around. I'm becoming the person that I've always wanted to be. I have a great life, wonderful friends, an amazing family ... and my own little family unit is getting stronger.

It seems that about every 10 years in my life is a time of growth and renewal. Evolving as a person never ends. I'm so grateful for the path that has led me to this place in my life. It's been a most excellent 10 years!