Euphoria

I have woken before my alarm every day for the past several weeks. It is a blissful state - to wake up well rested and ready to face the day before being disturbed by an annoying alarm.

There is an excitement inside of me that has my heart racing, putting myself out on a limb and taking chances, facing old situations with a new perspective and I simply feel like my brain is in a high functioning state right now.

My finances have been facing one crisis after the next for the past 3 months or so.

My spending came to a screeching halt when I had my furnace/ducts professionally cleaned at the end of July. I've been trying to play catch up ever since. I had budgeted to have that expense taken care of within the month, when a family I babysit for told me (with no notice) that they were taking the last 2 weeks of August off. A family of 2 that comes here full-time. No notice equals financial ruin when you are stretching your summer budget to the max and then paying for a furnace cleaning on top of that! Well ... I cut back some more, cancelled my dance lessons for a month ... and eeked through August.

I was just relaxing the spending a little bit when my unexpected surgery came up (September 8th). Instantly out of commission, my daycare income halts when I'm not working (but did I care at the time?? NO!). Amazingly enough, a new income opportunity arose the morning I was facing surgery ... I was able to resume babysitting on a part time basis within a few weeks ... when 'payday' came for me, many of my daycare families gave me a bonus ... and I was able to not only pay my bills ... but had a little left over for spending money! The money part of my health situation more than took care of itself. It was truly a miracle in many, many ways. I am in awe as to how things worked out.

So I finally sat down with my financial future in front of me this week. Strategizing how to make the best of the months before next summer arrives and I'm back to where I was at the end of July again.

I was slightly in shock when I looked at my new reality. I babysit for 9 families. 3 of them will be on maternity leave (one in December; another in March; the third in May); 2 of my families will not need me over the summer because they have other childcare arrangements over the summer; another family has only needed me sporadically over the summer months. That leaves me with 3 families that I hope that I can count on. Frightening.

I sat with the numbers in front of me and figured if I am very frugal I can set up some back up plans, I looked at the names I have on my 'waiting list' and figured it is too soon to call anyone to fill the soon-to-be-empty daycare spots. For now, I must wait. In the daycare world, things change on a dime. You simply can't count on anything.

A day or so passed ... and I was puttering around with different ideas in my head. Mostly things that entertain and challenge me. Everything to do with writing ... some to do with dancing ... writing about dancing excites me. So I put myself out on a limb and dropped off some ideas at the dance studio. Ideas to generate some excitement about dancing that could be written about/downloaded onto a website or blog. I dropped my little package off and then panic set in. "Who do I think I am??" went through my mind more often than not! "Why do you think that they would be interested in that??" I berated myself over and over.

Then I woke up this morning. I don't need anyone's okay to write about something that fuels my passion the way dancing does! I have many little writing projects on the go ... each of them is a small part of me. Why not add dancing to the list??

The more I thought about writing, the more I thought of the family histories that I am starting to put together right now. It is more of a challenge to write someone else's history because you simply don't have that insight that comes from being a family member. How can I do this?? For the moment, I have simply been collecting stories. I've been waiting for inspiration and ambition to strike so that I can find a new slant to tell their story from. As I opened up myself to the endless possibilities out there, I have a few ideas coming to me. I need to find time to immerse myself in this project to plant a few seeds and see what grows.

I woke up with ideas and inspiration this morning. From writing projects, to the best way to handle the work that I will have to do today (from the small business I am working for), to getting my 'Friday chores' done around the house and managing the children I have in my care today. How can I do all of this and still feel energized to go to my dance lesson tonight?? How? By being excited about it!

I watched an episode of Oprah this morning and the theme of the show was "Do what you are passionate about and the money will follow."

Writing fuels a passion in me that has revived me and filled me with life. I have gotten feedback from my various writing endeavors from a wide variety of people. It makes me feel as though my passion is coming through and I'm reaching people. Writing is it for me! I shall follow this passion and see where it leads.

I have opened myself up the possibility of that maybe the lost daycare income could be filled with income from other sources. Between working for this small business and following my desire to write ... the possibilities are endless. As long as I am open to them.

There is a state of euphoria within my very being these days. It is very frightening at times. At other times I feel very fortunate to have this fire burning within me. It would be safe and easy to snuff out the fire and just let my life amble on in a tepid direction. But I think I'm ready to let the fire burn ... if I keep 'feeding' it, who knows how long this could last??