Reality

Gravity works. For every high there is a low.

As I've been bouncing around enthused by all of the positive endorphins racing around in my head, I feel gravity trying to weigh me down. The energy is still racing around in my brain but I seem to be weighed down by the reality of all of the balls I have up in the air.

I have loved the pace of life these past weeks. The reality is that these weeks have not been typical. My daycare days have been easy, quiet and I've had several afternoons off. I haven't had to work at full speed for 5 weeks now. It's not that I've sat still during that time. I've filled the time and energy that I usually spend on the kids ... on things of my own choosing. It has been wonderful.

Something happened after I booked my dance lesson yesterday. I started falling back down to earth. I have also taken a step away from dancing these past 3 months (for one reason, after another). It is a half hour commitment that fulfills me for 7 days. Yet for some reason ... my reality started hitting home soon after I booked that lesson.

At the most chaotic time in my life, dancing took up time and energy that I didn't have. It left a bad taste in my mouth for a while. But after stepping away from it for a year, I was more than ready to return to it last January. It was a giant step towards regaining my long, lost 'self'. It was fantastic!

My instructor is wonderful, I love to dance, I love to learn, I love to challenge myself and I love the opportunity to be around other adults. I love it.

Yet ... I'm a little bit nervous. With all the other things that I've added into my life over the past few months, am I going to have the enthusiasm that I expect from myself? I loved the energy and desire to push the limits of what I could learn, when I started dancing 8 years ago. My motto was to become the best dancer that I could afford to be. I want to have that burning desire within me again. I'm spreading myself out in various areas of my life. Can I do it all??

When I feel such a peace within, it feels risky to push myself out on a ledge. Everything that I am building in my life right now is based from the comfort of my home. I run my daycare from home, I'm working for a small company from my home, I'm putting together family histories from my home. I must leave my home, to go to my dance lesson.

It's time to leave the safety of my nest here at home. My life is not without adult interaction, but there is a magic in that dance studio that breathes life into me. Maybe I'm scared that the magic is gone. Maybe I am not loving the idea of leaving my house. Maybe I feel I won't meet my own expectations.

Maybe I'm just falling back down to earth. It had to happen sooner or later ...