It's Been a Charmed Year

It used to terrify me when things in my life felt good. Felt tied up. Felt complete. I ran in circles for a good part of my younger life, expecting the worst (and you always get what you expect in life). Then when all good things came to me, I knew it couldn't last (so of course it didn't). And if the good feeling stayed, I felt that maybe my mission here on earth was complete and I was terrified that my life would be complete as well.

It has been a very long time since I was terrified of feeling happy. It was so long ago that I had forgotten how it felt. Until the last few days. It's been creeping up on me. And this morning ... I feel that fear again.

I look back on this year and I know for a fact that it has been the best year in my life. And things continue to get better! Every day is a small miracle. I live in a state of gratitude (and according to scientific studies, that means that I am going to live a long life) and I am in constant awe of all that is right and good and precious in my life.

I feel like a complete and whole person. I feel like I'm treating myself with respect and I feel like I'm giving a small piece of myself and this 'feeling' inside of me to those in my life. There is a perspective that I've never really truly felt before. Acceptance. This is me. This is my life. I have been blessed. I have truly been blessed.

As I have neatly tied up this year with my various Christmas presents, I feel like I've put myself out on a limb. I've told the world that this has been the best year of my life so far. I feel like the people who are important to me know that. And it's scary. Is my mission complete?

I have been asking myself that a lot these past few days. And the answer is always "no"! I've got grand plans for the days, months and years ahead. My family is healing and it gets better with every encounter. I have dreams! I have goals to achieve and a long term agenda. My job is far from done.

There is a sense of contentment in knowing that I am happy, whole and appreciative of every day of wonder that is my life. There is an old part of me that is waiting for the axe to fall. But the new part of me knows that there is too much to be done.

Is it crazy to be wary of happiness? Yes. Ignore the fear. Chase the dreams. Accomplish those goals. And keep enhancing all that is good in the world.

Savor the day!!