If You Could Do It All Over Again ...

Yesterday morning's blog took me back to the thoughts that I journalled three years ago. Six months worth of words, as I worked my way through a myriad of emotions and eventually started to heal ... and began to carve out the life I am living today.

Six months (to the day) after the initial blow to my world, I wrote this:

It's been 6 months since my world as I knew it came crashing down around me. It's mostly good now ... but I still feel that loneliness creep in from time to time (I think it is lessening though).

Reflection .... yes, I think that is the stage I'm entering now. Some of the good stuff is starting to rise to the surface again. It's good to feel something positive even if the relationship didn't withstand the challenges we faced.

My life is rich within these walls of mine. And that is what is so important to me ... and being on my own again and forcing myself to look outside of these walls has enriched my life further, by including family and friends into the mix.

Ya. I guess I am content, aren't I? It wasn't an easy road ... and I am quite sure that even this road I'm travelling on is going to have its share of thrills and spills along the way. But for the moment, I'm cruising and just enjoying the ride.

I read the words of hurt, anger, sorrow, reflection, backslides, reminiscences and eventual healing of the end of an era for me. I'm glad I wrote them. I'm glad they are private because I could write whatever came to mind with no mind as to how 'the world' may see it.

I can see how far I fell. I can feel the life being breathed back into my soul. I am living the result of the healing.

Six months to mend a broken heart? I don't think there is a tried and true recipe for all. But I do believe that being thoroughly honest with yourself, allowing yourself time to go the the grieving processes, letting go of the words within you in whatever fashion suits you best and reaching out to those who can help you step back into the world of living again, are steps in the right direction.

I don't want to live in the world of looking back. It drains my energy. But it is nice to have a benchmark in life at times. Just like marking the growth of your children on the door casing - it's nice to see how far you've come and see the timeline that it took to get there.

Everything in life is a process. We have the ability to endure the challenges we are faced with. Those challenges can make us or break us.

Personally, I am grateful for every road I've travelled in my life. If I could do it all over again ... would I do it the same? In a word ... yes.