This Isn't What I Was Expecting...

Euphoria must be exhausting. I'm so tired and overwhelmed it almost hurts ...

First of all, did fall really have to come this year? I was just getting into the swing of enjoying summer, long days and short nights when POOF! The days started shrinking, the leaves started turning and the mornings had a little 'nip' in the air.

It hurt to think of what I had to do to ready the yard for the change of seasons. I wrote a short list. I have accomplished almost everything on it. If I was wise, I would add 'clean out the garage' to that list. I don't know if I have any wisdom left.

I have promised myself to write a fall newsletter for my daycare families. I am so out of words that I have not been able to update our daycare blog daily. The words I do have at the end of a day need a little time to mellow before they are fit for human consumption. There has been so much crying. It hasn't all been mine...

I have a family reunion to tend. I just need to shift my focus there for a good, uninterrupted space of time and then I can just leave it alone. But I just don't have time before my daycare day begins and I don't have ambition after my daycare day ends. I will focus on that, this upcoming weekend...

I was toying with the idea of going away for the Thanksgiving weekend. I cannot even begin to think of expending the energy to leave the house right now. I think I'll table that notion until I have this upcoming weekend under my belt.

I wasn't expecting this. I think that is why it 'hurts' so much.

I was anticipating the energy and elation I used to feel after I wrote an exam when I was taking correspondence courses.

The difference between 'then' and 'now' is the fact that I used to clean the house as I procrastinated, while 'studying'. This time, as I put our family book project ahead of everything else in my life, the house simply got dirtier and dirtier. I got to the end goal and have a dirty house to contend with at the end of it all.

I think the energy will come. Just not during the week. I really, really need a free weekend. Maybe two.

I just want to hunker down and have a 'cat day'. A day of intermittent napping, snacking and bathing. A day of lazing on the couch, in a sunbeam.

I don't think today will be that day. I have four 'little people' to tend, referee, feed and entertain.

I am so tired.

I wonder if the kids will all go down for their nap right after breakfast...