The Train Wreck Theory (as I know it)

One of the blogs that I follow recently had an article published where the author of the blog talked about the high amount of traffic her blog received after her son was hospitalized. She spoke (respectfully and kindly) of how it is simply human nature for people to stop and look when they see a tragedy but she assumed that her readership would drop off as her reflections on her blog returned to her day-to-day meanderings.

As I read the words, I couldn't help but think of the blogs that I follow. Half of the them involve loss. 

So yes. I too, have succumbed to allure of the typical 'train wreck' observer. I have seen (read about) tragedies and I simply can't look away. Why? But more importantly, why am I still following these blogs four years after the loss? It is because of my dad ...

Dad suffered a massive heart attack and after fifteen minutes without oxygen to his brain, he was revived. If you had read about it in a newspaper, you would have walked away thinking that it was a miracle that he survived. If you were the person that was involved in saving his life, you may walk away feeling like a hero. If only that was the end of the story.

Dad's body survived. Yes. But we lost everything else that he was that fateful night. He continued to breathe for four years and eight months longer. He was hospitalized for the rest of his life. My mom was still married but she lost her husband. There was an entire story that followed that 'train wreck' of our lives.

Surviving loss comes in so very many forms. Death is final and there is no going back. There are so many more ways to lose a loved one. Debilitating health issues change a person and their relationships. Bankruptcy, job loss, retirement and/or career change. Divorce. Family dynamics may break down and you 'lose' a family member that is still living and breathing a life separate and apart from your own ...

'Train wrecks' derail our lives. But life goes on. What can be salvaged is put back onto the railroad tracks and carries on for the rest of its natural life.

My attention is drawn to those that survive and must carry on with some semblance of 'normal' in a what has now become a completely 'abnormal' life. I have learned so much from those brutally honest authors. I sit back on the sidelines and quietly cheer them onwards.

I may not be able to avert my eyes from the tragedy ... but it is the story of survival after the unthinkable happens that keeps me coming back. It is the story of the survivors that is what is most important after the fact.

It isn't about 'survival of the fittest' for me. It is about the 'survival of the survivors' ...

Life Must Go On

Tragedy touches everyone.

As I heard of Friday's tragedy at an elementary school in Connecticut ... I was on my way to a friend's home to walk with her as she dealt with her own personal loss. No less tragic. Loss is loss. There is an emptiness that will never be filled the same way again. Yet life does go on.

I have had a friend and a close relative that are fighting cancer. Different cancers. Different prognoses. Different all around. But a disease has invaded their body and they are waging their own personal war between good and bad. Good does not always win over evil. Life isn't fair. Yet we must fight to win what we can. In the hope that life will go on.

I contacted an old friend out of the blue. Her response to me was, "I'm in a crisis whenever you contact me ..." A ten-year relationship that she was in had just ended. This is a friend that knows how to love. She hands over her heart and loves like there is no end. There is such risk in loving so completely. For her heart is not just broken. It is shattered. Yet life must go on.

Another long-time friend wrote to tell me that she walked into work one day and was told that she was being laid off. It came out of the blue for her. She is just in the process of picking up the pieces and creating a new life for herself after a 25+ year marriage ended. She was a full-time mom throughout her marriage. She now has to support herself. She found a 'perfect' job for her. And it ended. Without warning. Yet she must forge onwards.

People that I used to work with have lost their spouses suddenly and unexpectedly. People that are my age have passed away.

It has been a year when people at arm's length from me are suffering great loss and devastation. Yet life around them goes on.

It is the people that are left behind or supporting those with devastating health issues that I think about and wonder how they are coping with their side of the loss.

The family of the shooter in Connecticut. How much support are they getting as they suffer so much more than the loss of their loved one? Will they have the support they need to help them through these dark days? The families of those who lost their lives so tragically and so unexpectedly, as they went to school that one fateful day ...

There is much that we will never know. I can never fully understand or feel what another is going through. All that we can do is stand beside our friends and family and hold out our hand in the hope that they will grab onto it to keep them above water when the tide comes in. And it will ...

Life must go on.