The Very Good Thing About a Very Bad Day

I have had an awful lot of days not worth writing about since I have returned from holidays. Then when I did have some fun and eventful days, I was so busy living my life that I didn't have time to write about it. It's a good conundrum. But I was feeling badly for neglecting my blog because I really enjoy writing down my thoughts.

Well, the details of today are many. I'm sure I could write a book about the hills I climbed today. Things started out bad and got worse. Kids yelling, screaming and running made for an unenjoyable backdrop to the day. It rained rather heavily and intermittently so we were stuck inside for most of the day. Add to that, the fact that my day started with the first arrivals at 6:30 am and the last pick up of the day was at 6:00 pm. I had my own frustrations and tensions throughout the day just to add an extra dimension. So I was not a happy camper.

But for every cloud there is a silver lining.

Yesterday ended with a family giving me 5 days notice for the 2 weeks of vacation they will be taking the next two weeks. My budget is stretched past the max this month (and the next one, the one after that and the one after that one), so I vocalized my concern and frustration (I continually remind people of the 2 week notice that I think is courteous) at instantly losing half of a pay cheque I was totally relying on. It is money that I can't 'steal from Peter to pay Paul' ... I simply must do without something. And I realized that cancelling my dance lessons for a month would cover a good part of what I will be short this month. The good news, is that meant calling my dance instructor today to tell him I'd be back in a month. And we had a very enjoyable chat. Yes. I must dance. My instructor is so fun to be around. Dancing makes me happy! A short conversation was better than nothing. That was a highlight to my afternoon.

Then, I offered to help out a friend by printing off some invitations for her. This resulted in a restless sleep last night, a knot in my chest when I woke up, the fear that I couldn't do what I promised, then technical difficulties with my printer, that mounted more and more as the morning progressed (as the noise levels rose higher and higher). It was a blessing when the printer ran out of ink. I had no choice. I had to stop. While I stopped I made a few well placed phone calls and had a plan of attack as soon as the kids were gone. I had another box of invitations put on hold for me (I was ruining so many I needed to know I had back up). And as soon as I got things going again tonight, I realized that we had half as many invitations as we needed so I truly did need those I had on hold. I made a quick run to the store, she had them at the service counter for me (so I was in and out of the store really quickly) and ... I won some free pens with a 'scratch and win' that she handed me when I paid for it. I love pens. So I was tickled pink when I won some cool pens!

I marvelled to My Youngest all the way home about the good thing about having a bad day. If you have just a regular old hum-drum, normal kind of day you wind up the day with no real feelings - good or bad. But surviving a bad day, overcoming obstacles, completing a task and ... winning some pens!! ... I tell you, it's like walking on air. I couldn't be happier.

And the other good thing about a bad day is that usually (not always, but usually), the next day is much better.

And it will be. I am sure of that.

Or ... Could I Just Be Low on Iron??

After my exhaustion rant last night, I woke up this morning rested and ready to take on the day.

The very first thought I had was "I ate red meat last night ... could it be that I am just low on iron??"

The secret to inner happiness does begin with the most basic things. A body that is rested and well fed functions much better than one that isn't. It may be as simple as that!

No matter what the 'why' of it is, I feel good today. And what a great way to begin the day.....

Exhaustion

I can't remember ever feeling waves of exhaustion overtake me like this before. I physically feel like I'm running on empty, but I know that the reason for this lies within myself.

I have things on my mind that normally don't take up any space at all. Health and money would sum it up best. Exhausting topics. Enough said.

But as I wandered through the day I think I stumbled upon something that may be the root of my problem. Noise.

Throughout my holiday, I have had lots and lots of quiet. Possibly too much quiet! The transition period from tranquility to chaos was nil. It was like going from a vacuum to a monster truck rally. My head is reeling from the change.

It is a transition period. I must fill my head with positive, happy, forward-thinking thoughts. My creative juices stopped flowing, I've stopped singing, writing feels like a chore (and I hate the words that are seeping out of my fingertips) and I have even been having disturbing dreams. I need a thought-process transplant!!

I just went back to my journal entries from a year ago. This is my entry from the first Thursday after my holidays last year:

Thursday, Aug 9/07 9:33 pm

I feel like I'm running on empty. No oomph, no enthusiasm, no get up and go. Just got through the day.

There you have it. It is a cyclical thing! In the days that followed this entry last year, I 'made a plan' that I followed through on, which brought me to the euphoria I have been feeling in my life lately.

I know this. Fall is a time of renewal for me - a time when I reexamine my life. It has been that way most of my adult life.

This realization brings a sense of peace to me. This blah feeling has its purpose. It is to spur me on and out of myself. Look ahead, plan a future!!

There is a reason for everything in life. If a person was continually content, you would stop growing. As I look for the way to find my way out of this lethargy, I will start to formulate the next chapter in my life ....

I Need a Holiday

Yup. At about 8:55 this morning, reality hit. It wasn't fun. But we packed up, went to the park, I soaked in an hours worth of sunshine and came back home. It was better. Not perfect, but better.

I'm just feeling kind of lost at the moment. I've been lost before ... and I know I'm pretty close to finding myself. I just need a positive ion boost in my brain waves. As "The Secret" says, negative thinking attracts negativity to your life. I've just experimented with that thinking and found it to be true.

Time to put the happy vibes back in place!! I love my life! I love my jobs! I love kids! I'm happy! Happy!! Happy!!!

Now .... I'll go and sleep on that.

Changing Gears

Yes ... the kids return tomorrow ... I'm back to work on Saturday ... the return of life as I know it happens in about 12 hours. And I'm ready.

I have crossed a few more items off the errand-running list today. The last thing I want is to be doing, is racing around after the kids leave right off the bat. So I've tended to all that I can possibly tend to. The house is back in kid-ready mode. I'm rested. And I'm looking forward to the change of pace.

I had to sit down and take a good, long look at my financial state of disrepair this morning. Scary. I have to do some bare bones living this next while. I just took inventory of the excesses of food that I have amassed around here and it would appear that I should be able to seriously cut back on groceries for the month. The scary part about that is replenishing those supplies. I've grown quite accustomed to the knowledge that I have a little stock pile of things. Oh well.

I've got a good supply of unread reading material, lots of DVD's I can watch, lots of paint and painting that I can do and writing is free. I have cards, emails and letters that I can send and blogs to update.

I have a wealth of supplies in every capacity to get me through the months ahead. I had stockpiled some savings as well, but it never fails. The money disappears far faster than it accumulates. Between the bedroom renovations, holidays, cleaning the furnace/etc and a buy-now-pay-later deal, I was enticed into an over spending mode.

It's time to respect my money and limits once again. I've got far too many unknown variables right now. Out of the 8 families that I babysit for, all but 1 of them are in such a state of transition (job changes, schooling changes, health concerns and unknown schedules) that I simply don't know which way is up in September.

The fall is always a time of transition in this babysitting business. I seem to have a minor or major attack of panic every year. And every year it seems to work its way out. I have 2 families on a waiting list (whether or not they would still need me by the time I call is always unknown) and there is uncertainty in my own world as well this year. I think that is the part that is most unsettling.

It looks like I will need minor surgery. The surgery is nothing. It is the time that I may need to have off afterwards that is unnerving. I know absolutely no details so at this point, I am really wasting my time worrying about what may be. It just seems prudent to start squirreling away every extra cent that I can in case I'm out of commission for a few weeks. If I could table this surgery until my next holiday that would be ideal.

Maybe that is why I'm so eager to get back to work? I can't save money if I'm not making it. These next few months must pay off my overspending. Then ... I must save. This is the state my finances are in every fall. But every year I think I plan a little better and spend less. For some reason though, I always end up in the same spot.

Next year is the year that I will face fall without a worry in the world. Right?

The Need for Structure

My holidays have slowly been winding to a close this week and as I have faced the last 4 days with little or no 'agenda' to my day, I am craving the return of life as I know it.

I can accomplish a vast amount of things in a day. If I must, if I plan for it, if I push myself.

What I'm discovering is that I really do need to push myself. Without that driving force behind me I've let niggling little thoughts worm their way into my days. I've let negativity seep into my thinking. I've let guilt override common sense. My thoughts have not been productive. They are going in circles.

Yesterday I started a project that led to jumping out of bed with a purpose this morning. I need that purpose!

I believe that I was put on this earth to work. I require the routine and purpose that a job necessitates. My retirement plan is to work. I hope to be working by choice financially but I know that I must continue to follow this path of routine and structure to keep me internally happy and fulfilled. I need to drive myself. I need to push myself out of my comfort zones and into the land of the living.

I have immersed myself in a favorite DVD series this holiday. I've slept (and slept and slept). While all of that is good and fine for a day or two, it is not my dream to live a life that requires so little thought.

My regularly scheduled life is busy, full of responsibility and people. That is my reality. And though it does exhaust me at times, I am refuelled when I live life busily and passionately. I need a dream on top of my day-to-day responsibilities. Something to excite me and spur me into action during my idle time.

Holidays are a wonderful time to take a step back from life as you know it. And to me, the definition of a perfect holiday is when you step back in to that life ... and are grateful.

And I am. I have a great life.

A Drive in the Mountains

Here is a glimpse at some of the scenery from our 2 day/1 night trip to Banff and Canmore. The trip was truly a gift. My brother arranged the whole outing and it was a memorable family adventure.