The Need for Structure

My holidays have slowly been winding to a close this week and as I have faced the last 4 days with little or no 'agenda' to my day, I am craving the return of life as I know it.

I can accomplish a vast amount of things in a day. If I must, if I plan for it, if I push myself.

What I'm discovering is that I really do need to push myself. Without that driving force behind me I've let niggling little thoughts worm their way into my days. I've let negativity seep into my thinking. I've let guilt override common sense. My thoughts have not been productive. They are going in circles.

Yesterday I started a project that led to jumping out of bed with a purpose this morning. I need that purpose!

I believe that I was put on this earth to work. I require the routine and purpose that a job necessitates. My retirement plan is to work. I hope to be working by choice financially but I know that I must continue to follow this path of routine and structure to keep me internally happy and fulfilled. I need to drive myself. I need to push myself out of my comfort zones and into the land of the living.

I have immersed myself in a favorite DVD series this holiday. I've slept (and slept and slept). While all of that is good and fine for a day or two, it is not my dream to live a life that requires so little thought.

My regularly scheduled life is busy, full of responsibility and people. That is my reality. And though it does exhaust me at times, I am refuelled when I live life busily and passionately. I need a dream on top of my day-to-day responsibilities. Something to excite me and spur me into action during my idle time.

Holidays are a wonderful time to take a step back from life as you know it. And to me, the definition of a perfect holiday is when you step back in to that life ... and are grateful.

And I am. I have a great life.