Letting Go

"The seasons come and go. Each with their own challenges and blessings. If there is one thing that we can count on, it is that spring will follow winter. New hope is always on the horizon."

That is a paragraph that winds up the chapter "The Seasons" in The Book (Mom's family history and memories). And those are the words resonating within me this morning.

I have had many good summers. Magical times. Times that simply don't go on forever. There is always the memory ... but fall arrives ... real life slips back into place and you get caught up in the mundaneness of everyday life.

As this summer is winding down, I'm a little melancholy. The season ahead is faced with the unknown and new challenges. I haven't done enough 'impossible things' this summer to make me feel invincible.

I am planning and setting the scene for the seasons ahead.

There is so much change in the stages and phases of the kids in my care. Fall always magnifies this, with new ones headed off to preschool and kindergarten; the older ones headed off to a new grade. And my little ones continue to grow up. Families change and evolve - people's jobs, new babies on the horizon. Nothing ever stays the same.

This is a time when I like to make a new plan for myself. A new, unexplored path. I have a few ideas in mind and I've started the wheels turning on one of them. New paths are scary. But necessary to explore.

Then there is the unknown that I face this fall with this minor surgery facing me. The financial aspect of not being able to work and the recovery period. In my mind, I have a plan as to how I can best utilize the down-time as my body mends. If my body is out of commission, I need to keep my mind busy. This is another new road for me.

I can't let go of the feeling that I truly didn't make the most of this past summer. Kurt is getting a little older and the little things that we used to do together, are now more fun if he can bring a friend along. He is the oldest child here, as I babysit all week. So he has created his own world in the TV room downstairs. I miss him.

Last September, the 2 of us escaped for a weekend getaway. With only each other for company, it was a most incredible time. Money wasn't a huge concern, so I spent it rather frivolously ... a step away from the normal for us.

I'd love to do something to recapture that feeling again. Money is definitely an issue this year, but sometimes all that does is force a person to come up with new ideas. It isn't the money spent that really matters ... it is the time.

As Kurt is growing up on me, he will soon want to venture out on his own and away from what is comfortable. He keeps reminding me that he is growing up. Thank goodness it doesn't happen over night. But I do think we should make the most out of the time we have that is 'the present'.

The summer isn't over yet. It is never too late to make the most of a moment. It is the special moments interspersed with the mundane ones that keep life interesting. I just need to season my life with those precious moments. They happen when you least expect them.