Exhaustion

I can't remember ever feeling waves of exhaustion overtake me like this before. I physically feel like I'm running on empty, but I know that the reason for this lies within myself.

I have things on my mind that normally don't take up any space at all. Health and money would sum it up best. Exhausting topics. Enough said.

But as I wandered through the day I think I stumbled upon something that may be the root of my problem. Noise.

Throughout my holiday, I have had lots and lots of quiet. Possibly too much quiet! The transition period from tranquility to chaos was nil. It was like going from a vacuum to a monster truck rally. My head is reeling from the change.

It is a transition period. I must fill my head with positive, happy, forward-thinking thoughts. My creative juices stopped flowing, I've stopped singing, writing feels like a chore (and I hate the words that are seeping out of my fingertips) and I have even been having disturbing dreams. I need a thought-process transplant!!

I just went back to my journal entries from a year ago. This is my entry from the first Thursday after my holidays last year:

Thursday, Aug 9/07 9:33 pm

I feel like I'm running on empty. No oomph, no enthusiasm, no get up and go. Just got through the day.

There you have it. It is a cyclical thing! In the days that followed this entry last year, I 'made a plan' that I followed through on, which brought me to the euphoria I have been feeling in my life lately.

I know this. Fall is a time of renewal for me - a time when I reexamine my life. It has been that way most of my adult life.

This realization brings a sense of peace to me. This blah feeling has its purpose. It is to spur me on and out of myself. Look ahead, plan a future!!

There is a reason for everything in life. If a person was continually content, you would stop growing. As I look for the way to find my way out of this lethargy, I will start to formulate the next chapter in my life ....