Date With a Lawn Swing

As I entered the weekend and looked longingly at my deck and my lack of using it all last week, I made a 'date' to sit back and relax at some point over the long weekend.

Yesterday was the day. I grabbed a pillow, a book, a blanket and the phone and set out on my big adventure.

I thought of a call I could make ... but I thought that I would take time for 'me' first. I never did make the call.

The phone rang and it was for me. But somehow the voice on the other end picked up my relaxed state and talked only a short time. I was back to just me, my book and the lawn swing.

Someone dropped by and could have stopped for a short visit. But the visual of me, my book and blanket on the lawn swing must not have had an invitation written all over it. They came and went quickly. And it was just me and the lawn swing once again.

I brought out a pen and note pad because often, the moment I sit down I must figure something out or start a list or write down rambling thoughts to follow up on later.

At the end of my date with the lawn swing, I picked up the pen and empty pad of paper. My mind took a vacation and I had no thoughts that were worthy of following up on.

I took the afternoon off. I had tended to all must-do items on my agenda and granted myself the afternoon.

I finished reading a book. I nodded off from time to time. The weather was a tad on the cool side as I reclined in the shade and the wind found its way to the side of the house that I was on.

Nothing was to deter me. I grabbed a blanket, put up my feet and revelled in the ease of the day.

It's been a very, very long time since I had a date with my lawn swing and such complete ease with a day.

My mind was close to blank. No to-do-lists running through my mind. I wasn't mapping out the week ahead. I didn't have ideas to follow up on. Nothing.

Just me, my book and my lawn swing.

It was a most excellent way to spend a day off.

It Was Worth It

The frantic pace of last week had a purpose. I had the choice to slow down at any given moment. There was not one demand on my time that wasn't optional. But my goal was to complete my work so that I could relax and enjoy the weekend without any obligations hanging over my head. And I succeeded.

The weekend has been a gift.

I had a very good friend arrange a 'fun' weekend for us. A little getaway-from-it-all for each of the people who came.

I am blessed to have such amazing friends. The kind of people who sprinkle a little pixie dust where ever they go and leave a little bit of magic in their wake.

Our weekend had a very loose agenda. Kurt ended up coming along ... and my friend even managed to arrange the most perfect company for Kurt for the weekend. The boys got along so well and any time we stopped to listen, there was a quiet, easy rapport between them. They seemed to speak the same 'language', enjoy many of the same things and their time together seemed to go by very easily.

Kurt is quite accustomed to following me where ever our lives may take us. He may not love being my constant companion, but he has learned to adapt and make the best of things. He would have been okay on his own. But he was so much happier because he had a friend. My friend 'saw' this in her vision of our weekend. So not only did she arrange a most enjoyable weekend for me ... but it was so much better because Kurt was enjoying himself just as much as I was.

We met up with a friend who is a ray of sunshine, a vibrant source of energy, enthusiasm, inspiration and hope. Another one of those people that I am honored to call 'my friend'.

I think the 3 of us could have sat on a rock under a tree and had a most marvelous visit. But instead we walked a little, talked a lot and ate when necessary.

At one point in our planning, I had suggested going to get a pedicure and have a little 'group pampering session'. It was an idea that I didn't follow through on, because of our younger companions and not wanting to interrupt the flow of our visit with an appointment to rush off to. Instead ... this most amazing friend of mine arranged for a 'spa treatment' of our very own. We gave ourselves pedicures, facials and even a wax hand treatment. We were pampered, we laughed and once again ... we simply enjoyed the easy companionship of the weekend.

There is a great amount of yin and yang between this most incredible circle of friends. "Yin and yang are complementary opposites within a greater whole. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, which constantly interact, never existing in absolute stasis." We often marvel at the ever shifting tides that have evolved over the course of our friendship. I believe that each personality within the group has a most special gift. The gifts change, evolve, ebb and flow. We have seen each other through many challenges and celebrations of life. Our lives have taken us to many different places ... yet we continue to connect. Our friendship grows along with the many changes in our lives.

I worked frantically to clear the slate for this weekend. To come home and not have a mountain of work greeting me at the door has given me the gift of being able to simply sit back and marvel over the wonder of the weekend.

A gift like no other.

"Each friend represents a world in us,

a world possibly not born until they arrive,

and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."

- Anais Nin

Letting Go of the Small Stuff

In my 'previous life', my time was committed but I wasn't overly busy. I had schedules, routines, expectations and goals that guided my days. But I wasn't busy. I had a lot of demands (kids) to deal with for 10 1/2 hours every day, but there were down times as well. I sat still from time to time. I really wasn't all that busy. Other than dancing, visiting and errand running ... my evenings were mine. I wasn't busy at all!

In my 'new life' so far, I have been busy.

I give myself 2 hours every morning to 'play'. To sit still, have my breakfast smoothie and have 2 cups of coffee. I blog, I email, I read other blogs. I sit and indulge my whims at the computer.

Then the day begins.

I'm driven to put in my 20 hours of education per week and make the most out of every hour that I am there. I take 15 minutes to eat lunch and I'm back to my books. My first 2 courses were introductory and pretty easy so I breezed through them and my goal was to have those complete and the exams written at the end of week one. Mission accomplished.

From school, I come straight home and I have moments to spare before school is out. Time to check the mail, email, phone messages and reestablish my home routines. It usually takes a half hour to settle back in.

Then I start my book keeping. This is a picture of my Wednesday, Thursday and Friday's projects (Tuesday's statements were mailed off Wednesday morning so I can't show the visual there). These 3 boxes = about 15 hours of work. That, plus Tuesday's statements = just about 20 hours of work for the week.

Then I squeezed in 3 hours of dancing into Wednesday and Thursday (which is the equivalent of almost 7 hours when you add in the prep time to get ready to go and travel back and forth).

I do stop for supper and for some reason, I seem to give myself an hour by that point in the day.

My book keeping has been keeping me up until 10 - 11:30 each night (except last night ... I finished at 9:20, thanks to having the night off of dancing!).

At that point, I sit down with my word puzzles and complete the day by challenging my weary brain.

Then I sleep.

Last night, Kurt and I were able to go and see the fireworks display that they had scheduled for of city's Fireworks Festival this weekend. It was the perfect end to a rather taxing week. We sat still and I was amazed and in awe of the pyrotechnics display that someone else went to all the work of putting together for our pleasure.

We came home and I gazed at the patio furniture on our deck ... and I wondered when I would ever have the chance to sit and enjoy the back yard again.

We walked into the house and I realized that I haven't swept the kitchen floor or vacuumed since Monday (my last day of kids). My 'Friday chores' remained undone. And it was Friday night. I still have to water the plants, dust and clean the bathroom no matter how few kids are in the house. So I watered the plants and saved their life ... but the dust remains untouched by the human hand.

The up-side of this ... is that I have an entire 3 day weekend off. Off of everything. No school work; my book keeping is caught up to the moment and the dance studio is closed (though I do have homework there). I have plans with friends and the entirety of the weekend to follow my whims.

Maybe I'll dust. Maybe I won't. But I do think that I will grab my book and sit out on the lawn swing and enjoy the day. I will be still.

Because, in my new life ... I am busy!

Influence

The one thing that I have noticed about surrounding myself with people who are interested in furthering their education, is the influence they are having on me.

The school I attend is a self study classroom environment. Each of us work independently and there are facilitators available if you run into any problems.

You walk in and everyone is busy working on their individual studies. It is quiet, conducive to concentration and there is only the 'white noise' of people at work. There isn't a lot of small talk and there are very few distractions.

Which brings me to the lunch room. A place where you can actually get to talk to some of your fellow students.

My first encounter was with a 30 year old mom who has been going to school for 2 years now. She is presently taking a course that would lead to a job with the police department. As we talked, she was so excited about the possibilities out there. It seemed that her enthusiasm was contagious because I walked out of the room wondering about my own possibilities.

Next, I overheard a conversation between 2 young students. They were paying their own way and talking of the necessity to pay for it out of their own pocket, so that they would give it their all. Being accountable and respecting the amount of money that was being spent was key to keeping them on track. As I have found a way to support my decision to go back to school and be solely responsible for the financial aspect, I was in quiet agreement with this sentiment.

Lastly, I talked to someone who is an aspiring 'Medical Administrative Assistant'. She was hoping to put some of her previous workplace skills into place as well as learning something that would give her more opportunities and diversity (and probably money) into her career. She had been laid off of her job as a book keeper and was taking this chance to upgrade her skills.

What amazed me the most when I walked in the door and glanced around at the students in my midst, was the wide array of ages. I honestly thought that I would be the 'senior student'. And though I really haven't had the opportunity to survey the average age of the student body, I certainly don't feel out of place. People of all ages are educating themselves.

I listened to the young students just carving their way into the world ... the young mom who was brimming with excitement ... the older student who was looking for a change in her career ... and I see people aspiring to be 'more' than they were before they decided to take this path.

I listen to the challenging goals that they have and question myself. Have I set my sights too low?

I sat down and had a talk with myself. I reminded myself of the reasons that I chose the course that I did. And all the reasons are still valid and right for me. I'm not out to make 'the big bucks' ... I'm looking for a way to supplement my lifestyle in a fashion that will lead to working out of my home. I'm on the right path for me. Right now.

I listen to these other students and I know that there are a multitude of possibilities. I can take this course and use it as the foot-in-the-door that I want it to be. Where I take it from there depends solely on my own ambition, drive and goals.

When I walked through the doors and started this renewal of my education, I had an end goal in sight.

But what I am fast realizing is that the people around me are influencing my thinking. Instead of this being the end ... I am thinking that it could only be a beginning.

This influence is exactly what I need and want right now.

Time

Dictionary definition: WORK expands so as to fill the time available

Isn't that the truth?? I've traded one scenario where the majority of my day was committed to being available for others ... to my new world where I'm trying to jam in as much schooling and working into the days as I can. So I can have a weekend off.

Dictionary definition: WEEKEND - a time period usually extending from Friday night through Sunday; more loosely defined as any period of successive days including one and only one Sunday

If I work diligently the next few days, I may be able to swing it. A long weekend to boot! Three consecutive uncommitted days.

Dictionary definition: LEISURE TIME - time available for ease and relaxation; "his job left him little leisure

As I tread through the days of my 'new life', I am loving the fact that I am surrounded by adults, an atmosphere of learning and the satisfaction of having a job that challenges my organizational skills and pays the bills for the biggest majority of the day.

Then ... I dance.

Last night I squeezed in an hour of dancing after school and in the middle of book keeping work that I wanted to complete.

Tonight, I have 2 hours of dancing to fit into the same time slot. 2 hours to forget everything but what my feet, arms and body are doing. Moving to music. Following the beat. Learning something fun.

Yes, my work has expanded to fill all of my time available. But I trust that as the weeks go on, I'll gain a saner pace of living figured out.

In the meantime, I'm moving some small mountains and gaining a great feeling of accomplishment. But this weekend ... I shall relax. It's on the agenda. And if it's scheduled and planned for, I usually follow through.

I'm looking forward to it! Leisure time...

First Days

"What was the best part of your day?" is the question that can be asked to promote discussion and avoid one word answers. Well! There is no need to ask me an open ended question to get me talking about yesterday.

The first best thing was the quiet that preceded the day. I got up at my normally scheduled time, went through my usual routines and ... the little ones didn't start filing in at 7:15 in the morning.

Lately, I've had one or two 2 & 4 year olds arrive at 7:15; followed by 2 more (the same age) at 7:30. These 4 little girls created noise and havoc like no others. In my new life ... it is quiet.

The second best thing was the ability to still be a 'mom' and take Kurt and one of my daycare boys to school and deliver them to their new classrooms.

Kurt found his name on the list in his new classroom, found a spot for his school supplies and sat down. I took one look at his face and I knew. I glanced over at the list of names to try and find some of his best friends. They weren't on it. I looked back at Kurt and he knew that I knew what he was feeling. I made a comment about how nothing is set in stone at first ... things could change. But we've both been through this enough times to know that they rarely do. What you see on your first day of school is quite often what you get. There was nothing that I could do or say ... but I was there.

The third best thing was heading off and facing my own first day at school. I couldn't wait to settle in and tackle my books. Basic, tedious stuff - 'Introduction to Personal Computers' and basic keyboarding skills. I can find my way around a computer but I don't know the technical terminology. So I must wade through this book so that I can get through my first exam and keep heading in a forward direction.

I'm kind of glad that I have some basic courses to initiate me back into the world of learning. I just hope I don't get lost in the tedium before I start learning what I have set out to learn.

The very best thing was coming home! I breezed back into the house with only minutes to spare before my after school crowd started arriving.

Yesterday I had a grand total of 4 kids here, between the ages of 6 and 11. It was wonderful. Kurt was glad to have his friends back (they didn't come here over the summer holidays) and it was so good to hear him engaged in playing with kids. He's had friends over, over the course of the summer but he hasn't involved himself with the kids in my daycare. It was music to my ears to hear the easy companionship that was so quickly rekindled. That is the kind of kid-noise that I like.

The process of settling in 4 older kids, getting through the snack and finding something to do was so easy that I don't think I had much to do with it. The next thing I knew, they were off and playing ... and I was able to get to work.

Yes. I had book keeping work that had to be done. But that was okay. I got a nice early start to it and I worked without interruption for 2 hours while I had kids. Without interruption!! I just stood their smiling to myself as I waded through the work in front of me. No one was calling my name, no one was bickering/tattling/crying/needing/wanting or demanding anything from me. No one! I was giddy with delight.

A person is much saner when your attention isn't being divided in 6 different directions. To focus on one task, with the only distraction of just listening to kids at play (contentedly and happily) is amazingly easy. I have the ability to multitask ... but I have grown tired of honing that skill.

As our supper took care of cooking itself in the oven (as I had wound down my school day, put in the last of my kid-day and gotten a good start to my book keeping day), I was content.

It was a very, very full day. An exhausting day. A new day. But it was enveloped in familiarity.

A handful of older kids that I know well came and went throughout the before and after school hours.

Back to school where things are new ... but it's a road we've travelled before.

My book keeping work took a higher priority in the day, which is where it now belongs. It (for the most part) is not only the reason I've gone back to school, but it is paying for the vast majority of our living expenses while I am getting educated.

As first days go, it was a very good one. And I hope today is even better.

A New Day ... A New World

The day has started out like any other.

I woke up, delayed getting out of bed and went about my morning routines just like any other day.

Only this isn't just any other day.

I don't have a houseful of little people coming through the door any moment. I de-babied the house yesterday after each 'final act'. As kids woke up from naps, the bedding was tossed into the laundry and the playpens were folded up. As they finished snacks, the high chairs and booster seats found their way into a closet downstairs. Baby monitors no longer litter the kitchen counter.

A sewing desk replaces the high chair that has been in our kitchen for 11 years. A folding chair replaces the playpen that's been in my room for the majority of the last 10 1/2 years. I look around the house and I don't see 'daycare' written into every nook and cranny. It feels good.

I woke up to a whole new world this morning.

A world where I send My Youngest off to school toting a bag (and more) full of school supplies. Not only must he find his own new room but he is already thinking ahead and realizing he needs to know what rooms the boys he walks to and from school are in. I normally go and walk through the process with him (little as he really needs me to any more). It feels like the motherly thing to do.

Then I am headed off to school myself, as soon as my school kids are off and running.

My first day. And what worries me most? What to wear! What an inane thing to care about. They state they have a dress code in the student handbook but the lady that was talking to me told me that the dress code isn't enforced 'as written'. But I can't remember specifically what she said about shoes. And shoes are my biggest worry ("please wear proper footwear at all times" ... I think she said you can't go bare foot). I may pack a spare pair ...

Back to school. Time to hone the learning skills and make some of them work for me. Time for a new kind of schedule and different demands on my time.

As yesterday (my last day with the younger kids) wound to a close, I knew with each 'final act' ... that the time was right. It was time to move out of the preschool set and broaden my horizons. Those little people taught me a lot. But I'm ready to diversify my learning.

Am I eager to start this new adventure? I'm eager to get into the swing of my new routine and see how it feels for size. I'm such a creature of habit that I need to see how everything 'fits' in my new world.

At this very moment (for my book keeping job), I have 2 months (2 large Rubbermaid containers) worth of invoices to sort, label and add up the GST. Statements are en route and must be done as soon as possible. I have tonight to work at that and then majority of my free time is accounted for until next Monday. This scares me more than going back to school.

This is the first time in My Youngest's life, that I haven't been home for him. Yes, he'll be at school. I will be at home when he leaves for school. I will be home by the time school is over. I assured him that he can call me on my cell phone in case of an emergency. We have back up contingencies all worked out. Then he spoke ... "What if I get sick?" ... who will be home for him then?

It was at that moment that I realized just how much this change affects him. Even though (on the surface), it shouldn't. His sense of security in knowing that I'm here is wavering. It's new ground for him.

I have given My Youngest something that I have never given any of my other kids. My undivided ability to 'be there'.

Even as we've gradually explored new avenues to his independence, 'I'm here'. Or he knows he can get ahold of me at any moment (I love cell phones for that very reason).

As My Youngest has had one minor ailment after another for the last 6 1/2 weeks of his summer holidays, I wonder ... how much of this illness can be attributed to this upcoming change in our life? His last ailment could very well be stress related. I think there may be a connection.

I have said over and over again, that our children need us the most at the age where they are becoming independent. In very quiet and subtle ways. Knowing that they can test their wings ... but also knowing that someone 'is there' for them. They are at an age where they are testing the water but still need to have an invisible force behind them to guide them. To instill limits. To 'be there' ...

Yes, I'm off to school today. But that is the least of my worries. As I head out on this new adventure, I still want to cover all my bases.

I need to get a handle on my new workload, my lessened kid-load and leaving the confines of my home to broaden my horizons.

But most importantly ... I still want to 'be there' as a mom. I'm still just a phone call away. I'm always here.