A New Day ... A New World

The day has started out like any other.

I woke up, delayed getting out of bed and went about my morning routines just like any other day.

Only this isn't just any other day.

I don't have a houseful of little people coming through the door any moment. I de-babied the house yesterday after each 'final act'. As kids woke up from naps, the bedding was tossed into the laundry and the playpens were folded up. As they finished snacks, the high chairs and booster seats found their way into a closet downstairs. Baby monitors no longer litter the kitchen counter.

A sewing desk replaces the high chair that has been in our kitchen for 11 years. A folding chair replaces the playpen that's been in my room for the majority of the last 10 1/2 years. I look around the house and I don't see 'daycare' written into every nook and cranny. It feels good.

I woke up to a whole new world this morning.

A world where I send My Youngest off to school toting a bag (and more) full of school supplies. Not only must he find his own new room but he is already thinking ahead and realizing he needs to know what rooms the boys he walks to and from school are in. I normally go and walk through the process with him (little as he really needs me to any more). It feels like the motherly thing to do.

Then I am headed off to school myself, as soon as my school kids are off and running.

My first day. And what worries me most? What to wear! What an inane thing to care about. They state they have a dress code in the student handbook but the lady that was talking to me told me that the dress code isn't enforced 'as written'. But I can't remember specifically what she said about shoes. And shoes are my biggest worry ("please wear proper footwear at all times" ... I think she said you can't go bare foot). I may pack a spare pair ...

Back to school. Time to hone the learning skills and make some of them work for me. Time for a new kind of schedule and different demands on my time.

As yesterday (my last day with the younger kids) wound to a close, I knew with each 'final act' ... that the time was right. It was time to move out of the preschool set and broaden my horizons. Those little people taught me a lot. But I'm ready to diversify my learning.

Am I eager to start this new adventure? I'm eager to get into the swing of my new routine and see how it feels for size. I'm such a creature of habit that I need to see how everything 'fits' in my new world.

At this very moment (for my book keeping job), I have 2 months (2 large Rubbermaid containers) worth of invoices to sort, label and add up the GST. Statements are en route and must be done as soon as possible. I have tonight to work at that and then majority of my free time is accounted for until next Monday. This scares me more than going back to school.

This is the first time in My Youngest's life, that I haven't been home for him. Yes, he'll be at school. I will be at home when he leaves for school. I will be home by the time school is over. I assured him that he can call me on my cell phone in case of an emergency. We have back up contingencies all worked out. Then he spoke ... "What if I get sick?" ... who will be home for him then?

It was at that moment that I realized just how much this change affects him. Even though (on the surface), it shouldn't. His sense of security in knowing that I'm here is wavering. It's new ground for him.

I have given My Youngest something that I have never given any of my other kids. My undivided ability to 'be there'.

Even as we've gradually explored new avenues to his independence, 'I'm here'. Or he knows he can get ahold of me at any moment (I love cell phones for that very reason).

As My Youngest has had one minor ailment after another for the last 6 1/2 weeks of his summer holidays, I wonder ... how much of this illness can be attributed to this upcoming change in our life? His last ailment could very well be stress related. I think there may be a connection.

I have said over and over again, that our children need us the most at the age where they are becoming independent. In very quiet and subtle ways. Knowing that they can test their wings ... but also knowing that someone 'is there' for them. They are at an age where they are testing the water but still need to have an invisible force behind them to guide them. To instill limits. To 'be there' ...

Yes, I'm off to school today. But that is the least of my worries. As I head out on this new adventure, I still want to cover all my bases.

I need to get a handle on my new workload, my lessened kid-load and leaving the confines of my home to broaden my horizons.

But most importantly ... I still want to 'be there' as a mom. I'm still just a phone call away. I'm always here.