Shattered Security

I love my little bubble.

I walk around, very much in my own little world. Feeling like 'doing unto others' is a very good way to live. And since I don't do too much that I wouldn't have done unto me ... I feel very safe, happy and at peace in the world I have created.

I don't listen to or watch the news. I don't read a paper (well actually I glance at the headlines when there is a paper at school). My news comes to me via the people I talk to, or the headlines that may catch my eye when I go to the site that contains the word puzzles that I do.

So even when our little Playhouse Fire shattered my security, I was still okay.

Except when I left for school that very same morning. The back gate was unlatched ... again. And the cupboard doors had been left open ... again.

My heart started palpitating ... again. 'They are coming back' was my thought as I drove mindlessly to school. I got to school, phoned the police to let them know that I felt that someone had already returned to the scene of the crime. I was told that they would put extra patrols in the area. I called my son and he said he'd come by and check things out during the day (he was working in the area).

I had done all I could do. All I could do was trust that things would be okay.

I couldn't help but think of all the things that we would lose in a fire. All the things that I had left 'at risk' so that I could go and educate myself that day.

First and foremost were items that didn't belong to me. Pictures that a friend had dropped off so that I could scan them and the most recent updates to the family history book we are working on. At least everything (except those most recent pictures) were in her possession as well. So not everything would be lost in a worst case scenario.

Then I thought of a few things of importance to me (they were almost all computer-related ... this could be due to the fact that I've been studying the importance of backing up all of your computer files).

Then ... I let it go.

I worked at my studies throughout the day and all was well. Then I had a moment of panic at exactly 2:28 that afternoon as I thought I smelled some kind of electrical overheating odor. I thought that it was my extrasensory perception, sensing that my own home was going up in smoke. So I packed up my books and came home.

Whew. Everything was exactly how I left it. Even the gate was latched. My peaceful bliss returned.

I cleaned up the remnants of the fire that was set and in doing so, I was certain that this was not a fire set with malicious intent. It looked like the work of 'kids at play'. Trying various items throughout the play house, seeing 'what would happen' if they burned this, that and the other thing. I'm still eternally grateful that nothing got out of control. But having the sense that it was kids with too much time, freedom and a lighter on their hands helped me regain my sense of peace.

Then came last night.

I returned home when it was dark outside. And the sensor lights we have at the back door didn't turn on.

I immediately went in the house to grab a spare bulb to change it. As soon as I started turning the bulb, it flickered. So I turned the opposite way. Sure enough, both lights had been unscrewed.

In the dark and in my panicked mind I thought "They've been back." My sense of security was back to nil again.

I stayed up as late as I could. I left the outside lights on all night. I didn't turn off the interior lights. Let 'them' think that someone is up and watching for them, was my thought as I reluctantly went to bed.

I woke up at 3 am and immediately checked outside. All was well.

It was then, that I realized that the lights had probably been unscrewed the evening that the fire was set. I just didn't realize it at the time, because I got home before dark the next night. I panicked for nothing.

I have spent the last 21 1/2 years fighting to maintain the sense of serenity and peace in and around our home.

I'll fight to the finish. But I truly believe that it is in strict violation of my (and anyone else's) rights for some one to walk into my 'safety zone' and shatter the security that I have worked so hard to attain.