New Territory

I've been given a second chance to step up to the plate. To save a relationship. To help another soul as I do so.

I feel scared as I walk out on this limb. This person needs so much. If I make a mistake, will it jeopardize all the gains we have made to get to this spot?

I have found myself digging into the recesses of my mind, recalling and reliving the last three decades of my life to try and find the areas where 'lessons of my past' can help someone else.

I don't live in the world of regret. I've walked an interesting path and I've gained a lot of insight. But I let go of the pain. Or so I thought.

As I dig up morsels of insight that may or may not be helpful, I remember.

Living in the past serves no purpose. Lessons of the past are important to hold on to. The last few days I have been living somewhere in between those 2 spots. So I do what I always do when I'm in an uncomfortable state of mind. I write. And I talk.

I fear that I crossed the line and 'wrote too much' ... 'said too much'. In searching for ways to put my own feelings into perspective, I have betrayed a confidence.

I have taken in someone else's pain and owned it as my own. As if by taking on their pain, I subconsciously thought that I could lessen their load. Or is that just the natural state of this role?

I'm grasping for the oxygen mask so that I can save myself. I must be 'okay' in order to have anything to offer another person. I did what I had to do.

Owning someone else's pain doesn't alleviate the turmoil they are going through. So I will keep doing what it takes to keep myself in a position where I can offer my best self.

When someone 'needs too much' it's daunting. It puts me in a place that I want to run from. I'm scared of saying or doing the wrong thing.

So it's best to grab that oxygen mask ... and listen.