Yes, it was back to my regularly scheduled dance lesson at its regularly scheduled time last night. For the first time in months, we just played around. We worked on a few completely different dances ... danced a few new patterns ... and laughed.
I think my biggest fear upon my return to earth is that the laughter may disappear. We have been concentrating so much on our routines that I thought this may be the basis for the laughter. Thankfully, I was wrong.
As I toss the idea of trying to attend a dance competition 3 months, I really have to wonder ... do I need the extra pressure? Or is it time to just relax and have some fun again? The thing is ... I have fun under pressure when it comes to dancing. I think that is what has got me hooked.
Fun under pressure ... what an incredible concept.
I believe that writing is another area that I have that same kind (but different) of fun. I love it, I breathe it, I need it.
It's funny how one can be short of time and money ... yet, when it comes to that which is important ... the time and money can be found.
The high cost of dancing is worth every penny to me. The low cost of writing is just as priceless.
Where would I be without these two passions? I wouldn't be laughing as much ... this much I know.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Simple Pleasures
It was my birthday yesterday. It was a day like any other ... but a day that was unwrapped, bit by bit ... like a gift.
First of all it was a holiday. "Thanks, Mom" for having me on a statutory holiday. It's one of the rare holidays that hasn't been bumped around to turn it into a long weekend. Thanks to my mom's incredible planning, I've never had to work or go to school on my birthday. It is my special birthday present ... every single year.
The first thing I found when I checked my email, was a message from my Firstborn Son. A message of forgiveness and love. Our family doesn't speak in those terms (we were taught that actions speak louder than words ... and I'm afraid that passed that 'gift' along to my own family) but every now and again, it does feel good to hear (or read) the words. Considering the long and winding road that our relationship has travelled, this was a gift beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you.
Then my day was greeted by a telephone call from my mom. We had a most wonderful conversation ... we talked of 'the ring' and so much more.
Emails, facebook greetings, phone calls, unexpected company sprinkled throughout the day made an ordinary day ... special. Just as I was calling it a night, I received an email from my uncle. Exchanging birthday greetings is something we've simply never done. It brought a smile to my face and my thoughts immediately went back, to reminisce about the most incredible visits that I've had with my uncle this past year ...
My boys took me out for a special birthday supper. Second Son choreographed the when/where/how of it all ("Thank you!!"). All we had to do was show up. The food was great, but being surrounded by my family was better. My Youngest would have rather been anywhere than sitting at a restaurant, slowly enduring the various courses which prolonged the meal. But his gift to me was coming along and 'bonding' with his older brothers.
We wound up our evening by coming back home and just visiting around the kitchen table. The conversation flowed easily, I see a connection starting to form between Son #1 & #2. The nine years that separate them is starting to fade. The 11 & 20 years that separate them from Their Youngest Brother is still a bit of a stretch. But it will come. As I sat with my 3 sons as we had supper last night, we talked of the future. When My Youngest is 19, his older brothers will be 30 and 39. It could take a while before the age gap is bridged. But they are on their way ...
Second Son has a most special knack of knowing what to say and how to say it. After a day where I was once again wafting on a cloud, he slowly drew me back to earth with a birthday card that brought me back to reality: "You shouldn't worry about getting old! ................... It's too late for that!" Thanks ... I needed that. Really! I did.
Each person that touches my life is a gift ... every single day of my life. Having all of these greetings collide on the days in and around my birthday makes my head spin.
As fun as it is to have dance showcases, birthdays and other celebrations ... it is the small, everyday things that matter the most. Life's simple pleasures ...
First of all it was a holiday. "Thanks, Mom" for having me on a statutory holiday. It's one of the rare holidays that hasn't been bumped around to turn it into a long weekend. Thanks to my mom's incredible planning, I've never had to work or go to school on my birthday. It is my special birthday present ... every single year.
The first thing I found when I checked my email, was a message from my Firstborn Son. A message of forgiveness and love. Our family doesn't speak in those terms (we were taught that actions speak louder than words ... and I'm afraid that passed that 'gift' along to my own family) but every now and again, it does feel good to hear (or read) the words. Considering the long and winding road that our relationship has travelled, this was a gift beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you.
Then my day was greeted by a telephone call from my mom. We had a most wonderful conversation ... we talked of 'the ring' and so much more.
Emails, facebook greetings, phone calls, unexpected company sprinkled throughout the day made an ordinary day ... special. Just as I was calling it a night, I received an email from my uncle. Exchanging birthday greetings is something we've simply never done. It brought a smile to my face and my thoughts immediately went back, to reminisce about the most incredible visits that I've had with my uncle this past year ...
My boys took me out for a special birthday supper. Second Son choreographed the when/where/how of it all ("Thank you!!"). All we had to do was show up. The food was great, but being surrounded by my family was better. My Youngest would have rather been anywhere than sitting at a restaurant, slowly enduring the various courses which prolonged the meal. But his gift to me was coming along and 'bonding' with his older brothers.
We wound up our evening by coming back home and just visiting around the kitchen table. The conversation flowed easily, I see a connection starting to form between Son #1 & #2. The nine years that separate them is starting to fade. The 11 & 20 years that separate them from Their Youngest Brother is still a bit of a stretch. But it will come. As I sat with my 3 sons as we had supper last night, we talked of the future. When My Youngest is 19, his older brothers will be 30 and 39. It could take a while before the age gap is bridged. But they are on their way ...
Second Son has a most special knack of knowing what to say and how to say it. After a day where I was once again wafting on a cloud, he slowly drew me back to earth with a birthday card that brought me back to reality: "You shouldn't worry about getting old! ................... It's too late for that!" Thanks ... I needed that. Really! I did.
Each person that touches my life is a gift ... every single day of my life. Having all of these greetings collide on the days in and around my birthday makes my head spin.
As fun as it is to have dance showcases, birthdays and other celebrations ... it is the small, everyday things that matter the most. Life's simple pleasures ...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Ring
When Mom and Dad were married, it was for forever. People kept the promise 'til death do us part in those days. When Dad placed the wedding band on Mom's finger on their wedding day, it was on for life.
Mom never removed that ring. It is a thin band of gold that is part of a 2 ring set. The engagement ring came off for baking bread, painting and any dirty work. The gold band remained on her finger. Always.
Mom lost the diamond out of her engagement ring. At the time, it would have cost at least as much to replace the diamond, as it would to get an entirely new set of rings. The gold band remained where Dad had placed it all of those years prior. And they bought a new set of rings for her to wear ... as well as the original band of gold.
Eventually, Mom had a garnet put into her original engagement ring and kept it many more years.
Then ... there was a time when she gathered all of us together (just her kids). During that visit, she had a gift for each of us. She gave our brother a 'promise' of her wishes concerning her (new) wedding rings at a later date; and she went through her own jewelry box and gave each of us girls something that was precious to her. She gave me her original engagement ring.
The engagement ring that Dad had given to her and placed on her finger, along with that simple band of gold. I was awe struck, to have been given such a precious gift.
We spoke of other things at the time ... such as her wedding band. She specifically told us that she wanted to wear it forever. Of course this was her decision to make and hers alone. We all knew the story of that band of gold that was placed on her finger forever ... and forever it would remain. We honored, respected and whole heartedly agreed with her choice. We knew that it was the right thing to do.
I love the story of that most simple band of gold that has remained on Mom's hand from the moment the words "With this ring, I thee wed ..." were uttered.
Now, we live in a day and age where bigger is better when it comes to engagement rings. We live in a disposable society where marriages rarely last forever. There is much too much energy spent over the size of diamonds in the engagement ring. There is so much status given to that set of rings that (though placed lovingly on a loved one's finger on their wedding day) may or may stay on that finger forever.
When people talk of engagement and wedding rings, my mind always returns to the gold band that Dad placed on Mom's hand on their wedding day. A day that was not full of the pomp and ceremony of today's weddings. A personal promise, made in front of Dad's brother and Mom's sister. The promise they made was to each other ... and it was made for forever. They meant what they said. To this day ... that ring remained on Mom's finger.
Remained. Yes ... past tense.
My mail box was full to overflowing with birthday cards yesterday. There was a bulky card from Mom that I left for last. I assumed that she must have found some kind of lumpy card.
I don't even know if there is a word that describes what I felt when I opened her card ... to find her original wedding band enclosed.
My heart cracked a little. That ring is hers. Forever. And she entrusted 'forever' to me ...
Thank you doesn't even begin to cover it. This is the most precious gift I've ever been given (second only, to her engagement ring that comes off my hand only for repairs).
As I laughingly flung my hands and arms around with my glittery jewelry that I wore for the dance showcase, I stopped and touched Mom's engagement ring and stated "This one stays on. Mom and Dad are right here with me, with this ring."
I was already blessed and I knew it. This ... this is almost too much.
Do I appreciate it? There is no gem in this world that I would trade for this simple band of gold.
Mom never removed that ring. It is a thin band of gold that is part of a 2 ring set. The engagement ring came off for baking bread, painting and any dirty work. The gold band remained on her finger. Always.
Mom lost the diamond out of her engagement ring. At the time, it would have cost at least as much to replace the diamond, as it would to get an entirely new set of rings. The gold band remained where Dad had placed it all of those years prior. And they bought a new set of rings for her to wear ... as well as the original band of gold.
Eventually, Mom had a garnet put into her original engagement ring and kept it many more years.
Then ... there was a time when she gathered all of us together (just her kids). During that visit, she had a gift for each of us. She gave our brother a 'promise' of her wishes concerning her (new) wedding rings at a later date; and she went through her own jewelry box and gave each of us girls something that was precious to her. She gave me her original engagement ring.
The engagement ring that Dad had given to her and placed on her finger, along with that simple band of gold. I was awe struck, to have been given such a precious gift.
We spoke of other things at the time ... such as her wedding band. She specifically told us that she wanted to wear it forever. Of course this was her decision to make and hers alone. We all knew the story of that band of gold that was placed on her finger forever ... and forever it would remain. We honored, respected and whole heartedly agreed with her choice. We knew that it was the right thing to do.
I love the story of that most simple band of gold that has remained on Mom's hand from the moment the words "With this ring, I thee wed ..." were uttered.
Now, we live in a day and age where bigger is better when it comes to engagement rings. We live in a disposable society where marriages rarely last forever. There is much too much energy spent over the size of diamonds in the engagement ring. There is so much status given to that set of rings that (though placed lovingly on a loved one's finger on their wedding day) may or may stay on that finger forever.
When people talk of engagement and wedding rings, my mind always returns to the gold band that Dad placed on Mom's hand on their wedding day. A day that was not full of the pomp and ceremony of today's weddings. A personal promise, made in front of Dad's brother and Mom's sister. The promise they made was to each other ... and it was made for forever. They meant what they said. To this day ... that ring remained on Mom's finger.
Remained. Yes ... past tense.
My mail box was full to overflowing with birthday cards yesterday. There was a bulky card from Mom that I left for last. I assumed that she must have found some kind of lumpy card.
I don't even know if there is a word that describes what I felt when I opened her card ... to find her original wedding band enclosed.
My heart cracked a little. That ring is hers. Forever. And she entrusted 'forever' to me ...
Thank you doesn't even begin to cover it. This is the most precious gift I've ever been given (second only, to her engagement ring that comes off my hand only for repairs).
As I laughingly flung my hands and arms around with my glittery jewelry that I wore for the dance showcase, I stopped and touched Mom's engagement ring and stated "This one stays on. Mom and Dad are right here with me, with this ring."
I was already blessed and I knew it. This ... this is almost too much.
Do I appreciate it? There is no gem in this world that I would trade for this simple band of gold.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A Quiet Mind
The hum of my thoughts, the pace of life and the excitement that has been surrounding my days has slowed down. As I sit here this morning with an empty screen in front of me, it seems that my mind is just as blank.
In the aftermath of 'showcase day', all I heard was my voice. Chatter, chatter, chatter. I could feel the vibrations within my soul as my mind sped from one thing to the next, with lots of overlap throughout. I can look at the video montage of our dances and hear the chatter going on within my brain at the time.
To have a quiet mind feels rather good.
Already, I can hear the engines roaring. A card I want to write ... some gifts I want to work on ... people I want to talk to ... then there is the exam I must write ... work I must do ... a child that needs my time.
But all I could do last night was sleep. Back to the basics first. Nourishment and sleep. And time to savor the stillness within ...
In the aftermath of 'showcase day', all I heard was my voice. Chatter, chatter, chatter. I could feel the vibrations within my soul as my mind sped from one thing to the next, with lots of overlap throughout. I can look at the video montage of our dances and hear the chatter going on within my brain at the time.
To have a quiet mind feels rather good.
Already, I can hear the engines roaring. A card I want to write ... some gifts I want to work on ... people I want to talk to ... then there is the exam I must write ... work I must do ... a child that needs my time.
But all I could do last night was sleep. Back to the basics first. Nourishment and sleep. And time to savor the stillness within ...
Monday, November 9, 2009
Still Standing
Whew! It's been quite a ride. But I must admit, I'm glad to get off and get my sea legs again.
The crescendo of preparing for the dance showcase; 'accessorizing' the occasion; last minute details; extra practises; and all of the hype that I created in my mind finally became a reality.
Adrenaline has been fueling me for the past while and I believe that I became addicted. Waking up yesterday morning and knowing that my regularly scheduled life was ready and waiting for me was assuring. But a bit of a shock to the system.
This morning, the world feels bright and shiny once again. My head is full of my goals for the day, week, year and years ahead. Looking forward, with no firm destination in sight is a very good spot to be.
I finally have the energy to start thinking 'Christmas'. A few ideas ... and a little over a month to put them to work.
The thoughts of an upcoming dance competition add a little sparkle to my step. But the reality of going to a group class yesterday and learning that I really, really need to start with one basic principle (balance) and work from there, shook me back into reality. I have a very long way to go. I know for a fact that I must start from the bottom, up. Literally. I need a comfortable pair of dance shoes. I believe that the underlying reason I like the fast dances is because the painful work of balance and control is next to impossible with the shoes (or feet??) that I have. Back to basics.
I have a grammar exam which I must conquer this week. As I learned at my dance lesson yesterday ... I know how to speed through language (and dancing) and have the illusion that I have honed a skill ... but in reality, I don't have the basic concepts ingrained. Back to the books. I thought grammar consisted of nouns, pronouns,verbs, adjectives and adverbs. All of these dangling participles, comma splices and perfect past tense participles are swimming around aimlessly in my brain. It's time to put them in order and learn the basics of our language.
I have a few 'housekeeping' items to take care of in my personal life. When the past intersected with the present this past weekend, I realized that there are some things that need to be worked out. Fear of falling back into the past, I put up some walls that I need to chisel away at. A slight renovation there ... remove the wall and install some French doors. There has to be a way to allow mixing the past with the present and still having some limitations. You can walk in and out of a French door ... look back and ahead ... yet still have a boundary. Yes. Renovations are in order.
I have a lot to work on. It's good to have goals and a clear idea of where I'm are headed. Now that the showcase is behind me, I redirect my energy and conquer a few more mountains.
The dance shoes are off ... and I'm still standing.
The crescendo of preparing for the dance showcase; 'accessorizing' the occasion; last minute details; extra practises; and all of the hype that I created in my mind finally became a reality.
Adrenaline has been fueling me for the past while and I believe that I became addicted. Waking up yesterday morning and knowing that my regularly scheduled life was ready and waiting for me was assuring. But a bit of a shock to the system.
This morning, the world feels bright and shiny once again. My head is full of my goals for the day, week, year and years ahead. Looking forward, with no firm destination in sight is a very good spot to be.
I finally have the energy to start thinking 'Christmas'. A few ideas ... and a little over a month to put them to work.
The thoughts of an upcoming dance competition add a little sparkle to my step. But the reality of going to a group class yesterday and learning that I really, really need to start with one basic principle (balance) and work from there, shook me back into reality. I have a very long way to go. I know for a fact that I must start from the bottom, up. Literally. I need a comfortable pair of dance shoes. I believe that the underlying reason I like the fast dances is because the painful work of balance and control is next to impossible with the shoes (or feet??) that I have. Back to basics.
I have a grammar exam which I must conquer this week. As I learned at my dance lesson yesterday ... I know how to speed through language (and dancing) and have the illusion that I have honed a skill ... but in reality, I don't have the basic concepts ingrained. Back to the books. I thought grammar consisted of nouns, pronouns,verbs, adjectives and adverbs. All of these dangling participles, comma splices and perfect past tense participles are swimming around aimlessly in my brain. It's time to put them in order and learn the basics of our language.
I have a few 'housekeeping' items to take care of in my personal life. When the past intersected with the present this past weekend, I realized that there are some things that need to be worked out. Fear of falling back into the past, I put up some walls that I need to chisel away at. A slight renovation there ... remove the wall and install some French doors. There has to be a way to allow mixing the past with the present and still having some limitations. You can walk in and out of a French door ... look back and ahead ... yet still have a boundary. Yes. Renovations are in order.
I have a lot to work on. It's good to have goals and a clear idea of where I'm are headed. Now that the showcase is behind me, I redirect my energy and conquer a few more mountains.
The dance shoes are off ... and I'm still standing.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Memories
I came home and sorted through my memories last night. Physical momentos of the day and the memories and perspective of the day as only I had lived it ...
The adrenaline that has been coursing through my veins these past few days is still coursing.
Thoughts are running through my mind in an incessive loop. I can't stop the flow of memories and emotions.
The anticipation. Yesterday was everything I could have ever dreamed of (well, I suppose in my dream I would have performed without quite so many errors). The people, the atmosphere, the energy, the entire event. The reality was just as I had envisioned.
As I unpacked my bag last night, I couldn't bear to put everything back in its spot. Instead, I gathered my 'memories' in a pile and snapped a picture that I can hold onto forever.
The sparkly jewelry ... the gold lame sash/hat/accessories for our 'Ladies Chorus Line Formation' ... the door prizes that I won ... and the gift that the participants received. The physical reminders ... the 'glass slipper' of the day.
"Never Never Never Quit"
I couldn't have said it better myself.
The adrenaline that has been coursing through my veins these past few days is still coursing.
Thoughts are running through my mind in an incessive loop. I can't stop the flow of memories and emotions.
The anticipation. Yesterday was everything I could have ever dreamed of (well, I suppose in my dream I would have performed without quite so many errors). The people, the atmosphere, the energy, the entire event. The reality was just as I had envisioned.
As I unpacked my bag last night, I couldn't bear to put everything back in its spot. Instead, I gathered my 'memories' in a pile and snapped a picture that I can hold onto forever.
The sparkly jewelry ... the gold lame sash/hat/accessories for our 'Ladies Chorus Line Formation' ... the door prizes that I won ... and the gift that the participants received. The physical reminders ... the 'glass slipper' of the day.
"Never Never Never Quit"I couldn't have said it better myself.
A Peek at 'Showcase'!
I had hoped to be able to post my dance routines here after today's showcase. But due to a few technical difficulties, all I have is a few clips of each of my dances.
As it turns out, I made mistakes either just before or just after most of these clips. The editing was by chance ... but it turned out for the best!
As it turns out, I made mistakes either just before or just after most of these clips. The editing was by chance ... but it turned out for the best!
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