One Dog, Two Inches of Snow and 24 Hours

After supper last night, my Son asked me to come and look at the paw prints in our back yard.

His dog is a mixture of Border Collie and German Shepard. She has more energy than any dog I have known. But she has slowed down. A lot. Or so I thought, until I saw how many tracks she made in the snow during the day yesterday.

She was in the yard alone. Her partner-in-crime and usual yard-mate (a chihuahua) was holidaying for the weekend. So these tracks mark the miles that she made. By herself. Without human or dog influence. This is just a day-in-her-life. Just check out where she went yesterday:

Even the top of her dog house was not off limits.

One dog did this? By herself?

On patrol - no corner of the yard was untouched.

Yes, Sadie. Aren't you svelte!? Your work-out routine really works!

Proud of her hard day's work.

I am grateful that there is no 'snow' in the house to mark the miles that I make during the day. From the computer, to the kitchen, to the couch and back. All day.

Maybe it's time to get a pedometer and race to put accumulate more steps than Sadie does in a day ...

Hearing Delay

I have been given so much lately.

As life has handed me its fair share of surprises, twists and turns ... I have found friendship, support, encouragement and good humor at every turn.

I have felt like a saturated sponge that could absorb no more. I have been parched at other times and absorbing so much more than people could ever know that they were giving me.

There have been occasions where I have been hearing all sorts of wisdom, but not in a place where I could internalize all that was being said.

There has been a time warp in between the time of hearing and the time of actual impact.

The past week, I have been feeling the power of words which I heard a month or more ago.

I read the words that are spilling out of my fingers and onto the page. I hear the phrases that I am repeating, as if for the first time ... but they are words that my all-knowing, family and friends have already told me.

Where would I be without you?? I'm certain that I would eventually find my answers. In my own way and in my own time. But thanks to you, I believe that I have been fast-tracked onto the road of happiness, healing and progress.

I am listening. Sometimes I don't hear immediately. But it catches up to me sooner or later.

When I hear the words and my mind is ready, those words become the fuel to power me through and move forward.

There has been a time lapse. But I hear. And I thank you.

They Like Me! They Really Like Me!!

I had the pleasure of working with a most excellent group of people this week. For five consecutive days.

• Five days of kindness and appreciation.
• Five days of positive reinforcements.
• Five days of patience and acceptance.
• Five days of laughter, smiles and small acts of kindness.
• Not only that ... but five full days of pay!
• Five days. Five very good days. 

Those five days undid a lot of damage. This group of people restored my faith.

They liked me. They really liked me! And I am grateful beyond words.

Courage

I found my way to a new blog yesterday.

Undomestic Diva has set forth a 30 day challenge of doing one thing a day that scares you. As if waking up in the morning and facing work these past few months hasn't been frightening enough for me! I was intrigued ...

This month's theme of a regular monthly newsletter that I receive was "Courage". It spoke of courage in many forms, but what spoke loudest to me was the courage that it takes to make decisions in a time of self doubt. When you wake up in the middle of the night and the challenges you will face when the sun rises in the morning feel insurmountable ...

The newsletter quoted the "8 Tips to Build Courage" from gigatips.wordpress.com (I have condensed these, but this is a quote from the article above - to read in full, click on the title):

1. Understand that in difficult situations, there are always choices.
2. Have the courage to move away from people who think negatively, who want to pull down your ideas.
3. Do not let your fears become bigger than reality.
4. Go back to your core values.
5. Build up your courage step by step.
6. Indulge in quiet confidence.
7. Savor the struggle.
8. Be original.

I came home and dug out an article that changed my life. "66 Ways to Build Courage" by Christine Kane. I highly recommend clicking on this link and considering a few of her suggestions.
 
I can feel it stirring. The urge to face my fears and feel victorious over my life again.
 
Perhaps I don't have complete control over my work situation. But that is no reason for it to make me feel powerless in all other facets of my life.
 
If I seek out and find my inner confidence, it will shine through no matter where I am.
 
I am tired of feeling like the Cowardly Lion! It is time to seek out and find that the courage that I have been lacking, has been within me all along.
 
I am going to accept the 30 day challenge. I have gotten off to a late start, but as I said before ... I believe I deserve credit for facing the unknowns of my new role as a substitute secretary.
 
Yesterday? What did I do that scared me? For supper, I ate the chili that had been in the refrigerator for over two weeks. Then ... I went dancing. I believe that should count for two!
 
Today? I am off to see the Wizard ... I am in search of my courage. And I believe that I shall find it in bits and pieces as I make my way along this yellow brick road.

May the Correct Answer Please Reveal Itself?

Choices. Too many. Not enough. But still no perfect answer.

Weighing the pros and cons. Thinking logically. Thinking forward. Thinking of the practical.

What choice brings a spring to your step? A sense of 'happy' to your heart?

When you reflect on the day you just lived, what brings inner contentment? When you think of yourself in retirement, talking of the life that you lived ... what stories do you want to tell?

I found it easier when I didn't have a choice.

I have been a single parent for 27 years out of 33 years of parenting. Even when I was married, I needed a job so that I had the ability to support myself. Working full-time gave me an escape route from a life that was not good for me or my children. I had to work. It was not a choice that I had the luxury of making.

Then, I made a bold decision to work out of my home after My Youngest was born. I looked at all of my options and running a daycare was the one answer that stood out above all of the rest. I look back fondly on those days and know without a doubt that it was the best choice for me and my family.

I went to school to broaden my horizons and open the door for a new career path. I loved learning. I was excited about where I was going. Then I got there.

The job that I was in, wasn't right for me. I persevered in a situation that started the erosion of my self esteem. I got out. But not before I started believing that I was less than I am.

I jumped from that, into a transitional job. A job that was to allow me the ability to follow the path that I knew I wanted to follow. A job that (in the end), conflicted with the path of my choosing. A job that I didn't conquer before I had to give it up and move forward. A job that proved that I could NOT do everything that I set out to do. The second nail in the coffin.

I didn't know it at the time, but I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Life lessons were being thrown to me and I thought that I was putting up the good fight. I may not have been winning, but I thought I was keeping up. Turns out ... that I was not.

I wasn't back at square one. I still had a foot in the door. But now came a choice. Do I persevere? Or do I quit (again!!) and look beyond what I thought was the right choice for me?

It is exhausting to fight the current. The obstacles that I have been facing. Are they there to challenge me and make me firm in my decision to succeed? Or are they there, to tell me "Go back! This is not where you belong!"?

Yesterday ended on a very good note. I will have worked four consecutive days at the same school (after today). When I left work yesterday, the principal asked, "Will you be back tomorrow?" When I answered, "Yes", his response was "Great!".

One word. One simple word. And it made my world okay again.

I do not know where I will go or what my next mission will be after today. I was gifted with four days, working with a wonderful group of people. My self esteem went up one notch.

For me, for today, the answer is easy. Persevere. Keep taking forward steps.

But what if there was another option set out before me? One that came with many benefits ... but an equal amount of setbacks. What then?

When the answer doesn't come easy ... is it the right answer?

I don't know. I feel like I don't know a thing right now. Looking back, it will all seem so simple. Looking forward???

Will the Correct Answer please reveal itself?!? Please??

Confidence Wanted

Everywhere I go, I am noticing people doing their jobs.

It makes no matter if they are sweeping floors, delivering goods, teaching a class or serving customers in any capacity ... I watch.

The vast majority of what I observe, is people doing their job with ease.

The cashier that appears to brainlessly scan, bag and collect payment. Those who work at fast paced take-out food counters who work in sync with a team and deliver what is expected quickly and efficiently. Staff that know their industry, their own job and a little more.

Auto pilot. I long to run on auto pilot again.

I do not want a 'brainless' job. I want a job that I can (appear to do) brainlessly. I want my confidence back. I am going to have to work to attain that goal.

Two Days in a Row

Not only two consecutive days of work ... but two days of working at the same location.

It is my hope that all of the phone calls that I made yesterday (to allow me to sign on, work and print at a new location) will not be necessary today.

I know a few names and several faces at the school.

I have a feel for the routine of the day.

And ...  the school's regular part-time secretary will work with me this morning. I may have a little guidance to fill in a few of the gaps of all that I didn't know yesterday.

Two days in a row is good. I aspire to obtain a week-long assignment. From there, I can hope for a temporary, full-time position. If and when I latch onto a permanent, full-time job (and pass all of the required probationary periods),  I will have it made in the shade.

It may take a while to get from here to there. But I will appreciate it so much more when I get there. The struggles along the way will make victory that much sweeter.