The extra pounds keep finding their way onto my body despite my best efforts to eat healthier, eat less and move more. It is so disheartening.
As the numbers on the scale screamed at me once again the past 3 days, I wish there was a pill that I could take to make my weight return to its previous state.
I know that I could be making wiser food choices, but when I'm doing so many other things correctly, I have let myself off the hook for an 'emotional' eating choice at the end of the day. That is one habit that I must work hard to break.
The best thing that I've done is to purchase ''Wii Fit''. It tracks the days and minutes you exercise. There is a scoring system that the competitive side of me thrives on. There have been several days that I probably would have chose not to exercise but I wanted to put that stamp on my calendar that records my exercise habits. So I was motivated.
Last night, I was beyond tired. I had found myself a sunbeam and waves of exhaustion kept overtaking my need to get moving. I finally convinced myself to just go down and work on some of the 'balance games' on Wii Fit. Maybe not a full blown work-out ... but at least I would be moving. Well, one thing led to the next and by the time I was finished (close to 2 hours later), I had worked out all of the muscle groups I wanted to and gone for a few of the aerobic challenges that get my heart pumping.
And what did I do when I finally got myself wound down for the day? Nibbled on part of a bag of chips. The old me would have polished off an entire bag of chips. The new me can walk away from some temptation. Not all of it ... but some of it.
My emotional eating habit is the hardest one to break. I eat when I'm tired, when I'm bored, when I think I deserve a reward, to get through a tough kid-day and to be sociable. I have several vitamins and supplements that need to taken with food, so I eat when it's time to take these. I eat when I'd rather be in the presence of another human being or so that I can stay awake to watch a movie and because it's a habit.
After reading that paragraph, I can see that it is really no wonder that I'm adding on the pounds! I can't eat and write at the same time (believe me, I've tried!) ... so I should write more.
In this world of 'instant everything', I want an instant solution. I have to remember that it has taken over a year to get my body to this state of disrepair. It will take over a year to get myself back to where I used to be. I just want it sooner!
That said, it is time to bundle the kids and go outside for a walk and a chance to breathe in some fresh, spring air.
It's time. Time to break some bad habits and find my inner self. The one that is inside of the extra pounds that have been added onto this body of mine!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
I Love Weekends!
Having sacrificed 2 day weekends for 8 years, I am still in awe of having 2 consecutive days off ... every week.
The luxury of having the time to both relax and accomplish great things over the course of a 2 day weekend amazes me. In the land of one day weekends, I raced around in a frantic pace to take care of the must-do items on my agenda so that I could afford that down time.
In my new world, I can go away for a day without a second thought. I can make plans for a short get away. I can run errands on the weekend and still have time to sit back and take it easy. I can push myself hard one day and know that I have a second day, to do as I choose. I can afford to take an entire 'cat day' to myself.
Cat days. I love them! As our cat enjoys his life of leisure (where he can eat, sleep and do what he wants, when he wants), I have aspired to have days like those. I tell him (the cat) time and time again how lucky he is. He looks at me with his soulful cat eyes as if to say "I haven't got it all that great. You won't let me run at large outside!"
It never fails. That greener grass in the other pasture is always beckoning to us, no matter how lush our own pasture is. I can remember my dad telling me that it is human nature to always want more. You will think that you want something ... then as soon as you get it, you will want something else. Something more.
I guess that is what keeps us growing, learning and thriving. That push to be more, do more, see more and live more.
I look at my life, my world and all that surrounds it and I couldn't be more grateful. But yes ... I'm looking beyond. I still have hopes, dreams and aspirations. Thank goodness for that, otherwise every single day would be a 'cat day'.
The best thing about those days of following your whims and doing only what you want to do, is that they are mixed in among days of busyness, demands, doing, going and being all that you need to be doing. One needs that contrast in life, to appreciate the small things.
I am grateful to have 2 days out of every week that can be lived on a whim. I love my 2 day weekends!!
The luxury of having the time to both relax and accomplish great things over the course of a 2 day weekend amazes me. In the land of one day weekends, I raced around in a frantic pace to take care of the must-do items on my agenda so that I could afford that down time.
In my new world, I can go away for a day without a second thought. I can make plans for a short get away. I can run errands on the weekend and still have time to sit back and take it easy. I can push myself hard one day and know that I have a second day, to do as I choose. I can afford to take an entire 'cat day' to myself.
Cat days. I love them! As our cat enjoys his life of leisure (where he can eat, sleep and do what he wants, when he wants), I have aspired to have days like those. I tell him (the cat) time and time again how lucky he is. He looks at me with his soulful cat eyes as if to say "I haven't got it all that great. You won't let me run at large outside!"
It never fails. That greener grass in the other pasture is always beckoning to us, no matter how lush our own pasture is. I can remember my dad telling me that it is human nature to always want more. You will think that you want something ... then as soon as you get it, you will want something else. Something more.
I guess that is what keeps us growing, learning and thriving. That push to be more, do more, see more and live more.
I look at my life, my world and all that surrounds it and I couldn't be more grateful. But yes ... I'm looking beyond. I still have hopes, dreams and aspirations. Thank goodness for that, otherwise every single day would be a 'cat day'.
The best thing about those days of following your whims and doing only what you want to do, is that they are mixed in among days of busyness, demands, doing, going and being all that you need to be doing. One needs that contrast in life, to appreciate the small things.
I am grateful to have 2 days out of every week that can be lived on a whim. I love my 2 day weekends!!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Time ...
I've worked myself into hyper drive mode today. I have a busier kid-load; book keeping work to do as soon as I'm given the go ahead; and places to be at 6, 7 and 8 o'clock tonight.
I've made exercise a priority now that we have a new 'Wii Fit'. I don't want to disappoint my Wii trainer. One day there was a problem with the calendar on it and he thought I skipped a day. I was so disheartened, because I hadn't missed the day. Now I feel obligated to show up religiously, to show my dedication to this newly formed habit (this morning, I officially logged 10 hours of exercise after 12 days of working out). I haven't been so encouraged to exercise for a very, very long time.
I've created a busyness in my life that I am not entirely sure is all good. I need to have goals and a purpose to my days. But I have riddled myself with routines and schedules that I feel driven to keep.
When Dale spent the entirety of the day here last week, it through me for a loop. I got done what I had to do in the day ... but it was pretty late in the day before I could turn myself 'off'.
The 'off' signal is important to me. I have my rituals that signal the close of my daycare day. A tidy and vacuumed house, doors locked and the blinds closed means that I am closed for business. I breathe a heavy sigh of relief as I put my day behind me.
The book keeping work has a similar signal to me in my brain. The 'done' pile is completely organized, labeled and put together so that it can be swept away at the end of the work.
The book projects that I am working on are sitting in their pending pile. When I have the time to dedicate to them, they get moved to the middle of the kitchen table to signal 'work'. Back to the pending spot when I don't have the time.
I have spots in my kitchen for work in progress; pending work; and things that are ready to walk out of the door with me the next time I leave the house. These little piles are a constant reminder of the state of organization or disorganization in my mind. I love when my kitchen is clear of these physical reminders of what I must get done.
My wind down routines at the end of the day take place no matter what the time or circumstances. 'Getting my head ready for bed' is a figurative routine as well as a physical one. Physically, I wash my face, take out my contact lenses and brush my teeth. Mentally, I have washed the day down the drain and have my eyes in a state where I can close them and keep them closed. Once my head is ready for bed, my thoughts slow down and I am ready to relax.
I like to have a process in place that keeps me driven and motivated. I don't enjoy the sensation of feeling obsessed. That means that something is out of balance.
I guess the down periods I have are there for a purpose. When I don't take the time to keep the days in balance ... I will have days/weeks where I quite literally do the bare minimum.
What I don't like, is the fact that my life is possibly too full. I like to hope that some day, I may meet a 'special someone' and add a serious relationship into my life. Racing through my days, becoming obsessed with my routines and rituals, needing a certain amount of time to myself, adding more work/people/obligations to my life ... leaves very little time left over.
What am I willing to give up? Right now ... I want it all. The book projects are above and beyond the regular commitments in my life. But they are a passion I simply need to see through. I need to finish what I've started. I know this.
When I look at all of the demands on my time, I know for a fact the one thing that I would gladly give up, if finances weren't an issue. It would be the 10 hours of each week day that I am obligated to my daycare family. It is my job of tending children and all the fluctuations of work and income that stems from that job that is truly draining my resources. If I could wave a magic wand ... all of that would disappear. And then I'd have the energy to pursue new horizons!
Time ... there is never enough of it when you are busy. The alternative ... having too much time on your hands, is not good either. As with everything in life ... it is all about balance.
I've made exercise a priority now that we have a new 'Wii Fit'. I don't want to disappoint my Wii trainer. One day there was a problem with the calendar on it and he thought I skipped a day. I was so disheartened, because I hadn't missed the day. Now I feel obligated to show up religiously, to show my dedication to this newly formed habit (this morning, I officially logged 10 hours of exercise after 12 days of working out). I haven't been so encouraged to exercise for a very, very long time.
I've created a busyness in my life that I am not entirely sure is all good. I need to have goals and a purpose to my days. But I have riddled myself with routines and schedules that I feel driven to keep.
When Dale spent the entirety of the day here last week, it through me for a loop. I got done what I had to do in the day ... but it was pretty late in the day before I could turn myself 'off'.
The 'off' signal is important to me. I have my rituals that signal the close of my daycare day. A tidy and vacuumed house, doors locked and the blinds closed means that I am closed for business. I breathe a heavy sigh of relief as I put my day behind me.
The book keeping work has a similar signal to me in my brain. The 'done' pile is completely organized, labeled and put together so that it can be swept away at the end of the work.
The book projects that I am working on are sitting in their pending pile. When I have the time to dedicate to them, they get moved to the middle of the kitchen table to signal 'work'. Back to the pending spot when I don't have the time.
I have spots in my kitchen for work in progress; pending work; and things that are ready to walk out of the door with me the next time I leave the house. These little piles are a constant reminder of the state of organization or disorganization in my mind. I love when my kitchen is clear of these physical reminders of what I must get done.
My wind down routines at the end of the day take place no matter what the time or circumstances. 'Getting my head ready for bed' is a figurative routine as well as a physical one. Physically, I wash my face, take out my contact lenses and brush my teeth. Mentally, I have washed the day down the drain and have my eyes in a state where I can close them and keep them closed. Once my head is ready for bed, my thoughts slow down and I am ready to relax.
I like to have a process in place that keeps me driven and motivated. I don't enjoy the sensation of feeling obsessed. That means that something is out of balance.
I guess the down periods I have are there for a purpose. When I don't take the time to keep the days in balance ... I will have days/weeks where I quite literally do the bare minimum.
What I don't like, is the fact that my life is possibly too full. I like to hope that some day, I may meet a 'special someone' and add a serious relationship into my life. Racing through my days, becoming obsessed with my routines and rituals, needing a certain amount of time to myself, adding more work/people/obligations to my life ... leaves very little time left over.
What am I willing to give up? Right now ... I want it all. The book projects are above and beyond the regular commitments in my life. But they are a passion I simply need to see through. I need to finish what I've started. I know this.
When I look at all of the demands on my time, I know for a fact the one thing that I would gladly give up, if finances weren't an issue. It would be the 10 hours of each week day that I am obligated to my daycare family. It is my job of tending children and all the fluctuations of work and income that stems from that job that is truly draining my resources. If I could wave a magic wand ... all of that would disappear. And then I'd have the energy to pursue new horizons!
Time ... there is never enough of it when you are busy. The alternative ... having too much time on your hands, is not good either. As with everything in life ... it is all about balance.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Out on a Ledge
Last year, I took several leaps of faith. I didn't stop and ponder many of these ventures, afraid that I wouldn't follow through on my ideas if I stopped to think very long.
This year, I have been taking several parallel leaps in my life. The difference being ... that I seem to have a lot more time to ponder the sanity of these undertakings. The words, "Who do you think you are??" and "What have you done??" come to my mind often.
My confidence levels are not high, but I have last years successes to keep talking me into going forward with my plans. The self-talk that is going on within my head seems to be getting the better of me. More negative than positive some days. The negativity is draining.
Then ... I wake up to a morning such as today and I am fueled with confidence and the passion I need fired up within me, to take the next forward steps.
What was different about this morning? Waking up to find emails from some cousins that I have been impacting with some of these 'great ideas'. Words of gratitude and encouragement that I so needed to hear. I've been running on empty the last little while and I needed something to urge me forward.
My immediate family never lets me down and is a constant source of energy for me. But when I reach someone outside of my immediate circle, I feel like the passion that sparked the idea was there for a reason.
The comment that 'someone' has to make the first move has been spoken to me several times recently. The old me wasn't that 'someone'. The new me is trying to be.
It is a frightening venture ... standing out on that ledge and taking a risk. But it is a risk worth taking. Whether or not I fail or succeed is not as important to me, as is to try.
This year, I have been taking several parallel leaps in my life. The difference being ... that I seem to have a lot more time to ponder the sanity of these undertakings. The words, "Who do you think you are??" and "What have you done??" come to my mind often.
My confidence levels are not high, but I have last years successes to keep talking me into going forward with my plans. The self-talk that is going on within my head seems to be getting the better of me. More negative than positive some days. The negativity is draining.
Then ... I wake up to a morning such as today and I am fueled with confidence and the passion I need fired up within me, to take the next forward steps.
What was different about this morning? Waking up to find emails from some cousins that I have been impacting with some of these 'great ideas'. Words of gratitude and encouragement that I so needed to hear. I've been running on empty the last little while and I needed something to urge me forward.
My immediate family never lets me down and is a constant source of energy for me. But when I reach someone outside of my immediate circle, I feel like the passion that sparked the idea was there for a reason.
The comment that 'someone' has to make the first move has been spoken to me several times recently. The old me wasn't that 'someone'. The new me is trying to be.
It is a frightening venture ... standing out on that ledge and taking a risk. But it is a risk worth taking. Whether or not I fail or succeed is not as important to me, as is to try.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Where is My Undo Button?
I know life can only be lived forward, but why is it after a day of small lessons and inconveniences that you keep looking backwards? There is so much to be learned by doing things the wrong way. But it annoys me that I keep making some of the same mistakes over and over.
Savoring the moment is quite simply something that I haven't mastered in my life ... let alone, when I am hosting a gathering in my home.
My mind starts racing forward days in advance of the big event. The day of the event, I'm racing to prepare all that I think that I must do in order to pull off a relaxed gathering. As we gather, I am constantly fretting about the needs of my guests - drinks, food, seating, is everyone relaxed and happy, when to bring out the food, when to put the food away (and how do I accomplish it in a fashion so that everyone around me continues to feel calm and relaxed). My ears are fine tuned to hearing what my guests may be needing, but I miss out on the visiting and the stories. I'm so busy living in anticipation of what's next, that I miss what's actually happening.
This is something that I keep repeating, no matter how much I know better. I have sporadic successes, and then I'll add a new twist or challenge to a gathering and I'm back at square one.
Yesterday was a lesson. If I could rewind the day and redo it, I would know a better way of living the day and finding myself in the moment, instead of 5 minutes ahead of where I was at the time.
To be able to slow down the world around me and focus my full energy in that moment is a continual challenge for me. My job of providing care for children provides me opportunities to practise this art every minute of every day. But my mind is continually anticipating the 'what's next' in order to keep one step ahead of the chaos in my mind that reigns, if I am 2 steps behind.
I started running '2 steps behind' on Thursday ... and I never managed to feel caught up until I had my house back in order, late last night. Did all the chaos I created in my mind serve any purpose??
Do less and accomplish more may be the lesson to be learned here. No one expected more out of me, than I did myself. I created my frenzy and I paid the price.
I saved one piece of dessert for myself to savor as my guests took their leftovers home. Today, I sat down, sat still and savored that piece of dessert. It was divine. In the quiet reflection of the day, I brought myself to where I wish I was yesterday. And I was so glad to have kept that 'little piece of yesterday' to savor for myself today.
I don't have an 'undo' button in my life. But I do have a 'redo' button, where I'll take the lessons learned from yesterday and put them to use for the next time.
Savoring the moment is quite simply something that I haven't mastered in my life ... let alone, when I am hosting a gathering in my home.
My mind starts racing forward days in advance of the big event. The day of the event, I'm racing to prepare all that I think that I must do in order to pull off a relaxed gathering. As we gather, I am constantly fretting about the needs of my guests - drinks, food, seating, is everyone relaxed and happy, when to bring out the food, when to put the food away (and how do I accomplish it in a fashion so that everyone around me continues to feel calm and relaxed). My ears are fine tuned to hearing what my guests may be needing, but I miss out on the visiting and the stories. I'm so busy living in anticipation of what's next, that I miss what's actually happening.
This is something that I keep repeating, no matter how much I know better. I have sporadic successes, and then I'll add a new twist or challenge to a gathering and I'm back at square one.
Yesterday was a lesson. If I could rewind the day and redo it, I would know a better way of living the day and finding myself in the moment, instead of 5 minutes ahead of where I was at the time.
To be able to slow down the world around me and focus my full energy in that moment is a continual challenge for me. My job of providing care for children provides me opportunities to practise this art every minute of every day. But my mind is continually anticipating the 'what's next' in order to keep one step ahead of the chaos in my mind that reigns, if I am 2 steps behind.
I started running '2 steps behind' on Thursday ... and I never managed to feel caught up until I had my house back in order, late last night. Did all the chaos I created in my mind serve any purpose??
Do less and accomplish more may be the lesson to be learned here. No one expected more out of me, than I did myself. I created my frenzy and I paid the price.
I saved one piece of dessert for myself to savor as my guests took their leftovers home. Today, I sat down, sat still and savored that piece of dessert. It was divine. In the quiet reflection of the day, I brought myself to where I wish I was yesterday. And I was so glad to have kept that 'little piece of yesterday' to savor for myself today.
I don't have an 'undo' button in my life. But I do have a 'redo' button, where I'll take the lessons learned from yesterday and put them to use for the next time.
Friday, March 20, 2009
One More Andre Movie
My Second Son got a new pup and we took some video clips of Andre meeting 'Levi' and the adventures that followed their meeting. We were watching the video of that on the computer tonight and this video is of Andre watching his own movie.
The antics on the computer screen that Andre is watching is the two of them getting to know one another:
The antics on the computer screen that Andre is watching is the two of them getting to know one another:
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Quotes from "Snow Buddies"
I love a Disney movie. I often find a quote, a thought or a song that stays with me after the movie has ended.
I was watching 'Snow Buddies' with the kids (actually, I started watching it first and the kids came and joined me) a while ago and I had to run for a pen to capture the deep thoughts that came with the story. I believe that some of them are Buddha quotes:
"Sometimes the greatest journeys start accidentally ... and end with a higher purpose"
"Although life may lead to where you least expect it, have faith that it is where you were meant to be"
"Sometimes ... you just have to have faith"
Montel Williams was on Oprah yesterday, talking about his challenges with multiple sclerosis(which he was diagnosed with 10 years ago). Although the disease sounds impossibly hard to cope with on a day to day basis, he decided that there must be some purpose to him having it. He can be a 'face' for multiple sclerosis and talk to people about living with whatever they are personally living with 'after the diagnosis'.
As I typed out these 'Snow Buddies' quotes, I thought of how aptly they all applied.
I was watching 'Snow Buddies' with the kids (actually, I started watching it first and the kids came and joined me) a while ago and I had to run for a pen to capture the deep thoughts that came with the story. I believe that some of them are Buddha quotes:
"Sometimes the greatest journeys start accidentally ... and end with a higher purpose"
"Although life may lead to where you least expect it, have faith that it is where you were meant to be"
"Sometimes ... you just have to have faith"
Montel Williams was on Oprah yesterday, talking about his challenges with multiple sclerosis(which he was diagnosed with 10 years ago). Although the disease sounds impossibly hard to cope with on a day to day basis, he decided that there must be some purpose to him having it. He can be a 'face' for multiple sclerosis and talk to people about living with whatever they are personally living with 'after the diagnosis'.
As I typed out these 'Snow Buddies' quotes, I thought of how aptly they all applied.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)