Where is My Undo Button?

I know life can only be lived forward, but why is it after a day of small lessons and inconveniences that you keep looking backwards? There is so much to be learned by doing things the wrong way. But it annoys me that I keep making some of the same mistakes over and over.

Savoring the moment is quite simply something that I haven't mastered in my life ... let alone, when I am hosting a gathering in my home.

My mind starts racing forward days in advance of the big event. The day of the event, I'm racing to prepare all that I think that I must do in order to pull off a relaxed gathering. As we gather, I am constantly fretting about the needs of my guests - drinks, food, seating, is everyone relaxed and happy, when to bring out the food, when to put the food away (and how do I accomplish it in a fashion so that everyone around me continues to feel calm and relaxed). My ears are fine tuned to hearing what my guests may be needing, but I miss out on the visiting and the stories. I'm so busy living in anticipation of what's next, that I miss what's actually happening.

This is something that I keep repeating, no matter how much I know better. I have sporadic successes, and then I'll add a new twist or challenge to a gathering and I'm back at square one.

Yesterday was a lesson. If I could rewind the day and redo it, I would know a better way of living the day and finding myself in the moment, instead of 5 minutes ahead of where I was at the time.

To be able to slow down the world around me and focus my full energy in that moment is a continual challenge for me. My job of providing care for children provides me opportunities to practise this art every minute of every day. But my mind is continually anticipating the 'what's next' in order to keep one step ahead of the chaos in my mind that reigns, if I am 2 steps behind.

I started running '2 steps behind' on Thursday ... and I never managed to feel caught up until I had my house back in order, late last night. Did all the chaos I created in my mind serve any purpose??

Do less and accomplish more may be the lesson to be learned here. No one expected more out of me, than I did myself. I created my frenzy and I paid the price.

I saved one piece of dessert for myself to savor as my guests took their leftovers home. Today, I sat down, sat still and savored that piece of dessert. It was divine. In the quiet reflection of the day, I brought myself to where I wish I was yesterday. And I was so glad to have kept that 'little piece of yesterday' to savor for myself today.

I don't have an 'undo' button in my life. But I do have a 'redo' button, where I'll take the lessons learned from yesterday and put them to use for the next time.