I've had my head in the clouds a lot lately. I've been living my life and enjoying it ... but I'm looking ahead.
I have so many hopes and dreams. Some of them short term and simple. Others are within reach but harder to attain. Others are of a life far off in my future.
Christmas is the next dream on the horizon. Our family is talking of what we want to do ... where we want to go ... and I'm thinking of gift ideas. The where, what and how of what we manage to put together, matters so little to me. My family is united. That is the biggest gift of all. Where ever we go, what ever we do ... we are talking of doing it together. What more could I hope for?
A dance competition is next on the horizon. When an upcoming competition (in February) was first mentioned at our group formation class, I thought the intent was to go as a part of that group. I was completely enthralled with the idea. I have one goal as far as dance competitions go. I want to go once. It doesn't matter to me where I go. It could be a 3 hour drive or a 3 hour flight. It could be within Canada or far from here. The where of it doesn't matter. It's the who that does. To go as part of a formation dance team would be idyllic. I don't know if it is worth it to push the envelope right now. Or wait. I do know that I love the idea of preparing to go. I absolutely love losing myself in the dance world ...
My dad's family's story is the next big goal that I hope to attain. I have enough information gathered to really sink my teeth into this project right now. I don't know what I'm waiting for. But I seem to be stuck. I love the feeling of immersing myself in another family's story. Dad's story. I just have to start ...
The education goals ... the career goals. They are all intertwined in my mind right now. I'm working at both and I'm just a tad uncertain that 'this' is how I want to spend the rest of my working life. It's a means to an end. It's my way of weaning myself out of running a daycare but still working for myself. It is my back-up retirement income. It is my future. It is necessary.
Retirement. I have a picture of where I hope to be 10 years from now. The ultimate dream. I can see it, feel it and believe that it is going to happen. Running my quaint little bed and breakfast, with other income options all wrapped up into that package. I keep adding to the dream ... I have thought of another alternate income to add to the dream package. The dream is gaining momentum in my mind.
Vacations ... travelling holds little fascination to me. It is not destinations that I dream of. It is people. People that I would like to travel with, people I would like to see, that one ultimate family vacation. The one dance competition. The friend I would like to go with on a cruise. Another friend that I would like to see at the end of that cruise destination. A cousin that I would love to 'get lost' with, in Calgary (just for old times sake). Going on a 'road trip' with a group of friends, to see a friend that we haven't seen in years. Meeting up with my siblings and Mom at a bed and breakfast. Anywhere. The only absolute destinations that I have, are those where I want to go and visit with someone.
I was talking to my Second Son the other day. He was reflecting about the conversations that he has overheard, as he sat in a coffee shop that he visits regularly. A group of retired people that get together on a regular basis and reminisce about days gone by. As he happens to overhear small snippets of their conversations, he thinks of the day when he will be the one talking about 'the good old days' with friends. He is of the mind that he wants to live life to the fullest while he is young - so that he has a lot of stories to talk about when he is having coffee with his buddies 50 years from now.
My old and wise Second Son's advise to me? "Go to that dance competition if you can ..." It will be one of the many special memories that I will be sitting back and talking about when I'm running my quaint little bed and breakfast.
I don't want to just dream. I want to act on those dreams. I want to live life to the fullest. Today.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Parenting 101
Parenting is a scary job at times.
My Youngest Son's grade 6 class took part in a 'Drug Awareness and Healthy Lifestyles Day' yesterday afternoon. What a perfect age to talk to impressionable young people.
He brought home a book on drug safety. I quickly leafed through it, and then started reading it from the beginning. There is a wealth of information is contained within the covers.
It starts by talking about cigarettes and alcohol. The top two drugs of choice. And then it gets into other drugs. There are a lot of things that I don't know and I'm so grateful for the school system for bringing this information into our home.
Drugs scare me.
When I was young, I remember watching something on TV that showed people thinking that they could fly ... because they were on drugs. There was some conversation about this in our home and I don't remember exactly what was said. But the fear was instilled. DON'T DO DRUGS.
Mom and Dad both smoked. I distinctly remember Dad telling me "Don't ever start ... because once you start, it's (almost) impossible to quit." School taught us what smoking did to your body and I tried to convince Mom and Dad to quit smoking. They taught by example, just how hard it is to stop. So I never started.
I felt surrounded in addiction when I was married. My husband had an addictive nature, his/our friends were all caught up in drinking and partying. From where I sat, it felt like addictions were ruling people's lives. I got caught up in living a life where you did what you had to do, to cope. I barely recognize the person that I was at that time. But those years taught me about the temptation and desire to use alcohol to escape reality.
I escaped that lifestyle and started a brand new life with my young family. I carried within me, the knowledge of the addictive tendencies that was part of the gene pool that my young sons had inherited. The teen years were scary.
I remember finding drugs in the house. I was beyond frightened. I called a help-line and asked for their advice. The only thing that I remember about that conversation is what they told me my son would say when I confronted him. He didn't disappoint. He said word for word, what they had predicted he would say.
How did I handle the situation? I believe that 'freaked out' would probably be the most apt words. Did I handle it correctly? No. Suspicion was rooted within me and trust issues that were already shaky got worse.
My Other Son handled the peer pressure of those teen years completely differently. He was solid in his convictions and said 'NO' to everything. Cigarettes, drugs ... (I'm not quite certain about alcohol but it was never an issue at the time). He wasn't winning any popularity contests, but I was so relieved to have him home with me on weekends and not caught up with a crowd that was clouding his judgement. He may not have those 'happy' teen memories ... but at least he shouldn't have any regrets.
Enter My Youngest. Here we go again.
As we briefly talked about the facts he had learned at school, I heard him voice the same fear that I had within me, when it came to drugs. I reiterated the story of His Older Brother's attitude about drugs when he was a teen. The fact that he said 'NO' to everything and he didn't care what his friends thought. He was strong in his beliefs about right and wrong when it came to things-of-an-addictive-nature. He held onto what he believed was right, even though it was a hard thing to do.
There is a DVD that came with this informative book. I know that we will be sitting down and watching that together. We talk easily of many things and I want the topic of drugs and peer pressure to be on the table now. Before he gets any older.
I don't know the secret of keeping my children safe. But I do know that the ability to talk about anything and everything is vital.
This is my third shot at raising an up and coming teenage boy. I look at my adult sons and I'm grateful that we all survived the teen years.
Does the learning ever end?
My Youngest Son's grade 6 class took part in a 'Drug Awareness and Healthy Lifestyles Day' yesterday afternoon. What a perfect age to talk to impressionable young people.
He brought home a book on drug safety. I quickly leafed through it, and then started reading it from the beginning. There is a wealth of information is contained within the covers.
It starts by talking about cigarettes and alcohol. The top two drugs of choice. And then it gets into other drugs. There are a lot of things that I don't know and I'm so grateful for the school system for bringing this information into our home.
Drugs scare me.
When I was young, I remember watching something on TV that showed people thinking that they could fly ... because they were on drugs. There was some conversation about this in our home and I don't remember exactly what was said. But the fear was instilled. DON'T DO DRUGS.
Mom and Dad both smoked. I distinctly remember Dad telling me "Don't ever start ... because once you start, it's (almost) impossible to quit." School taught us what smoking did to your body and I tried to convince Mom and Dad to quit smoking. They taught by example, just how hard it is to stop. So I never started.
I felt surrounded in addiction when I was married. My husband had an addictive nature, his/our friends were all caught up in drinking and partying. From where I sat, it felt like addictions were ruling people's lives. I got caught up in living a life where you did what you had to do, to cope. I barely recognize the person that I was at that time. But those years taught me about the temptation and desire to use alcohol to escape reality.
I escaped that lifestyle and started a brand new life with my young family. I carried within me, the knowledge of the addictive tendencies that was part of the gene pool that my young sons had inherited. The teen years were scary.
I remember finding drugs in the house. I was beyond frightened. I called a help-line and asked for their advice. The only thing that I remember about that conversation is what they told me my son would say when I confronted him. He didn't disappoint. He said word for word, what they had predicted he would say.
How did I handle the situation? I believe that 'freaked out' would probably be the most apt words. Did I handle it correctly? No. Suspicion was rooted within me and trust issues that were already shaky got worse.
My Other Son handled the peer pressure of those teen years completely differently. He was solid in his convictions and said 'NO' to everything. Cigarettes, drugs ... (I'm not quite certain about alcohol but it was never an issue at the time). He wasn't winning any popularity contests, but I was so relieved to have him home with me on weekends and not caught up with a crowd that was clouding his judgement. He may not have those 'happy' teen memories ... but at least he shouldn't have any regrets.
Enter My Youngest. Here we go again.
As we briefly talked about the facts he had learned at school, I heard him voice the same fear that I had within me, when it came to drugs. I reiterated the story of His Older Brother's attitude about drugs when he was a teen. The fact that he said 'NO' to everything and he didn't care what his friends thought. He was strong in his beliefs about right and wrong when it came to things-of-an-addictive-nature. He held onto what he believed was right, even though it was a hard thing to do.
There is a DVD that came with this informative book. I know that we will be sitting down and watching that together. We talk easily of many things and I want the topic of drugs and peer pressure to be on the table now. Before he gets any older.
I don't know the secret of keeping my children safe. But I do know that the ability to talk about anything and everything is vital.
This is my third shot at raising an up and coming teenage boy. I look at my adult sons and I'm grateful that we all survived the teen years.
Does the learning ever end?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I'll See What I Can Pull Out of My Hat
It's been 11 days since the dance showcase. I have displayed all of the trinkets I collected from the day on a table in the living room. It is time to pack up the 'memories of the day' ...
As I walked around with my top hat and gold lame sash, I wondered what I could do with these little treasures.
I tried to find a way to display them in my china cabinet. But any way I looked at it, it was tacky.
I have often thought that a little curio stand or a little corner shelf unit would be a neat way to put all of my dance memories in one spot. But I've never acted on the idea.
I held my top hat and thought of the memories. The laughter ... the teamwork ... and the fun we had as we worked together on this dance. But I didn't have a place of honor for this little memento of our 'Chorus Line' routine.
So ... I filled up my hat with other special memories of the past from the dance studio and tucked it away in a closet.
One day in the future, I will stumble across this hat full of dance memorabilia. Oh, the memories that will resurface as I pull out my treasures from this magical top hat.
As I walked around with my top hat and gold lame sash, I wondered what I could do with these little treasures.
I tried to find a way to display them in my china cabinet. But any way I looked at it, it was tacky.
I have often thought that a little curio stand or a little corner shelf unit would be a neat way to put all of my dance memories in one spot. But I've never acted on the idea.
I held my top hat and thought of the memories. The laughter ... the teamwork ... and the fun we had as we worked together on this dance. But I didn't have a place of honor for this little memento of our 'Chorus Line' routine.
So ... I filled up my hat with other special memories of the past from the dance studio and tucked it away in a closet.
One day in the future, I will stumble across this hat full of dance memorabilia. Oh, the memories that will resurface as I pull out my treasures from this magical top hat.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Procrastinating
I am the master of procrastination.
Here I sit. With ideas floating around in my head ... and I am acting on none of them. I would like to say I'm revving my engine and gearing up for the next flurry of activity. But I fear that I am quite simply 'putting off to tomorrow what I could be doing today'.
I do better when I have deadlines. I need them. Christmas is my next big deadline so I should get busy. But I'm not.
Christmas is a time where I spend more time than money. This year, my time management skills seem to have dwindled to the point where 'I do what must be done'. Thankfully, I've had a lot that needed doing. Out of necessity, things are getting accomplished.
I make time for what I want. I make time for what needs to be done. I waste a lot of time sitting here spinning my wheels.
I used to have a lot of pockets of time, when I was home with kids all day.
I puttered away at things around the house and yard. I was organized when it came to making meals. Little things didn't pile up in those days.
I'd scribble down ideas and putter away at things. It was my way of incorporating adult-thoughts into a child-driven day. It kept my mind challenged with things other than the many needs of the pre-school crowd.
I look back at those days and wish that I could incorporate some of that time management into my new life. I'm wasting too much time.
I have no one to blame but myself. I need to pick myself up and start moving again. There is a lot that needs to be done.
Here I sit. With ideas floating around in my head ... and I am acting on none of them. I would like to say I'm revving my engine and gearing up for the next flurry of activity. But I fear that I am quite simply 'putting off to tomorrow what I could be doing today'.
I do better when I have deadlines. I need them. Christmas is my next big deadline so I should get busy. But I'm not.
Christmas is a time where I spend more time than money. This year, my time management skills seem to have dwindled to the point where 'I do what must be done'. Thankfully, I've had a lot that needed doing. Out of necessity, things are getting accomplished.
I make time for what I want. I make time for what needs to be done. I waste a lot of time sitting here spinning my wheels.
I used to have a lot of pockets of time, when I was home with kids all day.
I puttered away at things around the house and yard. I was organized when it came to making meals. Little things didn't pile up in those days.
I'd scribble down ideas and putter away at things. It was my way of incorporating adult-thoughts into a child-driven day. It kept my mind challenged with things other than the many needs of the pre-school crowd.
I look back at those days and wish that I could incorporate some of that time management into my new life. I'm wasting too much time.
I have no one to blame but myself. I need to pick myself up and start moving again. There is a lot that needs to be done.
Monday, November 16, 2009
A Brand New Slate
I will be cracking open two brand new books at school this morning. I think one of the things that I love about school is that I get to neatly wrap up one course before I head onto the next. There is a slight overlap as two to three courses have been underway lately ... but even at that, I feel in control.
The dance showcase has been the same kind of thing. There were three separate routines that I was working on. Each of them were performed on the day of showcase ... then when I walked in the door at the dance studio last week, it was like a fresh, new beginning.
I have been helping a friend with her family history book. Last week, that project was delivered to my doorstep in its final, completed stage. I have been collecting memories from my dad's family and it is now time to start a brand new family history. Yet another empty canvas to work with.
The past two months, I have reconnected with my Oldest Son on a level that we have never been before. The past is not a taboo topic ... but it has been on the table and we were both free to examine it honestly. Once again, I have the inner picture of the past being put in its proper place. And we have started anew.
This past weekend, I was on foreign ground with my book keeping job. Things that I have never done before. I was paralyzed. I stopped in my tracks and I have avoided my work. I was fearing the unknown.
It's scary to walk through new doors. I've opened quite a few of them lately but with every new challenge I meet, I am paralyzed for a while. The moments of indecision before I take that first step into the unknown.
This week, it is time to take some more new steps. Time to open new books, tackle new challenges, find 'new' within old relationships, start telling the story of another family ...
This past weekend ... I slept. I slept a lot. I was angry at myself for procrastinating. But in the light of a new week, I will take the energy that I regained and start taking some tentative new steps.
Yes, I'm starting with a fresh slate. But I have many lessons to take with me as I forge out of my comfort zone once again.
The dance showcase has been the same kind of thing. There were three separate routines that I was working on. Each of them were performed on the day of showcase ... then when I walked in the door at the dance studio last week, it was like a fresh, new beginning.
I have been helping a friend with her family history book. Last week, that project was delivered to my doorstep in its final, completed stage. I have been collecting memories from my dad's family and it is now time to start a brand new family history. Yet another empty canvas to work with.
The past two months, I have reconnected with my Oldest Son on a level that we have never been before. The past is not a taboo topic ... but it has been on the table and we were both free to examine it honestly. Once again, I have the inner picture of the past being put in its proper place. And we have started anew.
This past weekend, I was on foreign ground with my book keeping job. Things that I have never done before. I was paralyzed. I stopped in my tracks and I have avoided my work. I was fearing the unknown.
It's scary to walk through new doors. I've opened quite a few of them lately but with every new challenge I meet, I am paralyzed for a while. The moments of indecision before I take that first step into the unknown.
This week, it is time to take some more new steps. Time to open new books, tackle new challenges, find 'new' within old relationships, start telling the story of another family ...
This past weekend ... I slept. I slept a lot. I was angry at myself for procrastinating. But in the light of a new week, I will take the energy that I regained and start taking some tentative new steps.
Yes, I'm starting with a fresh slate. But I have many lessons to take with me as I forge out of my comfort zone once again.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Birthday Buddies
I have many friends that I don't see often ... but when I do, we pick up from where we last left off and go forward from there.
I just came home from supper with one of those special friends.
Our paths crossed in life because my sister is best friends with her cousin (once removed ?). We met because she needed a babysitter and I was babysitting at the time. On the day we met, we discovered that not only did her grandma (who was living with her at the time) teach me piano when I was young ... but we shared the same birthday.
We connected on many levels. She is one of those amazing people that seems to make friends where ever she goes. She is sunny, vibrant and so incredibly friendly. I felt so blessed that she 'adopted' me as her friend.
A decade has passed since we first met, and our lives have gone in separate directions.
But we still keep in touch. For years, it was a weekly email ritual. But life got hectic and bit by bit, those emails diminished. I always knew that we were simply a phone call or an email away. But I felt badly that I'd let that connection fade.
A little while ago (for no special reason), I sent her an email. I was so delighted not only to find a speedy response from her ... but she had actually gone to her computer that morning to send me a message (only to find mine first).
These neat little coincidences of thinking of some one at the same time as they are thinking of you, send a chill through me every time. I love the fact that we seem to be on the same wave length even though it has been months since we last talked.
Our most special tradition is our annual birthday supper. This is a birthday treat that I eagerly anticipate. I think that it's because of our shared birthday. No one's special day ... but an excuse for both of us to indulge ourselves in an evening out. Our annual supper is our gift to each other and to ourselves. We are celebrating not only our mutual birthday, but our friendship.
Friends by chance ... a lasting friendship by choice. We wondered aloud tonight, if we would have this connection if we didn't share the same birthdate. We'll never know. I like to think of her as my 'twin' from another mother (and several years later).
I think we are meant to cross paths with certain people. And with the many ways that our lives intersect, I believe we were destined to be friends.
Birthday buddies ... forever!
I just came home from supper with one of those special friends.
Our paths crossed in life because my sister is best friends with her cousin (once removed ?). We met because she needed a babysitter and I was babysitting at the time. On the day we met, we discovered that not only did her grandma (who was living with her at the time) teach me piano when I was young ... but we shared the same birthday.
We connected on many levels. She is one of those amazing people that seems to make friends where ever she goes. She is sunny, vibrant and so incredibly friendly. I felt so blessed that she 'adopted' me as her friend.
A decade has passed since we first met, and our lives have gone in separate directions.
But we still keep in touch. For years, it was a weekly email ritual. But life got hectic and bit by bit, those emails diminished. I always knew that we were simply a phone call or an email away. But I felt badly that I'd let that connection fade.
A little while ago (for no special reason), I sent her an email. I was so delighted not only to find a speedy response from her ... but she had actually gone to her computer that morning to send me a message (only to find mine first).
These neat little coincidences of thinking of some one at the same time as they are thinking of you, send a chill through me every time. I love the fact that we seem to be on the same wave length even though it has been months since we last talked.
Our most special tradition is our annual birthday supper. This is a birthday treat that I eagerly anticipate. I think that it's because of our shared birthday. No one's special day ... but an excuse for both of us to indulge ourselves in an evening out. Our annual supper is our gift to each other and to ourselves. We are celebrating not only our mutual birthday, but our friendship.
Friends by chance ... a lasting friendship by choice. We wondered aloud tonight, if we would have this connection if we didn't share the same birthdate. We'll never know. I like to think of her as my 'twin' from another mother (and several years later).
I think we are meant to cross paths with certain people. And with the many ways that our lives intersect, I believe we were destined to be friends.
Birthday buddies ... forever!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Feeling Lighter
A few more weights were lifted off of my shoulders yesterday and it has energized me once again.
The dreaded 'grammar exam' is history. Even though I've been studying for it all week, I didn't feel ready to take the exam. Then ... I sat down and found out that the exam was no where nearly as intensive as the course I studied. As it is with exams, I made a few mistakes that I shouldn't have. But my end mark was almost at the goal I have set for myself. I was elated to put that behind me.
Last night, I started and finished a project to tell what I've learned in my 'Thought Patterns' class (it must be presented to the class ... thus, I elected for a DVD format). I had ideas wafting through my brain and I wasn't quite sure if I could put them together as I planned. But I'm happy enough with the result :
I love this class. It teaches what I already know and I have personal testimonies to attest to the fact that these thought patterns can change you from the inside, out.
Yes, one by one, the to-do-list in my mind is getting checked off:
Another family history book complete and in our hands ... check!
Dance Showcase 2009 ... check!
Grammar Exam and Thought Patterns Project ... check! check!
Whew! I should step on the scale. I feel like I lost ten pounds (just for the record, I did step on the scale and the physical poundage is still there).
Uncompleted tasks and the hard-things-to-do weigh heavily on a person's shoulders. There are so many things in life that are out of our control. But with the things that we do have some control over ... it feels so empowering to confront them, do what is necessary, then bask in the glory of putting yet another 'impossible thing' in your done-pile.
That said, I have book-keeping work to do. I hope to complete that so that I can start working on Christmas. I have some bright and shiny new ideas wafting through this brain of mine.
A very good friend gave me this card for my birthday. She said that she thought of me and the many ideas that are floating around in my head (like fish in the ocean), when she spotted this card. I feel just like this kitty. So many fish (ideas) ... so little time! 
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