The New Hair

I keep forgetting about my shocking new look until I happen upon a mirror. I shudder at the reality that is my hair now. Every single time I catch a glimpse of myself, I remind myself of this Looney Tunes sheepdog.

My hair feels like it falls in my face the same way as this sheepdog's hair does. And the hair color? I would say it's a pretty close match.

The dazed expression on his face? That's me ... stumbling through the dance moves that I'm supposed to know by now.

Just call me "Sam"...

"Sam" the Looney Tunes sheepdog

Into Each Life, a Little Snow Must Fall

Our Fair City has recently dug its way out of a 25 cm snowfall. The snow started Saturday and it snowed for two days. Saturday night, the wind picked up and as the new snow continued to fall, it created some beautiful snow drifts. At the onset of this snowfall, I could still see grass in my front yard. It now looks like a winter wonderland.

Great snowfalls unite the city. Even the neighbors who don't shovel their walks regularly, are forced to deal with snow. You look out your window and you see your community in action. Everyone is working together, doing their part in clearing the way.

Then there are the roads. I heard stories of cars getting stuck (I am grateful beyond words that I don't have my personal testament ... I have a miracle-car that navigated the storm without a hitch, but that's a whole other blog) as they simply couldn't navigate the drifts. Stories of the Good Samaritans that helped others out (granted, since there was only one rut in the road some were helping out of necessity ... otherwise they couldn't have passed).

My Middle Son returned from Mexico one day after 'The Great Snowfall of 2010'. His touchdown back to earth was a stark return to reality. He couldn't retrieve his truck from his farm due to the snow and drifts that had made passage impossible. Two shovels, five hours of digging, getting stuck and unstuck and then stuck again ... and pure perseverance eventually paid off. He loaded his quad onto his truck, headed for the city and then proceeded to smooth out the ruts on our residential street. My own personal Good Samaritan.

The crisis has passed. The roads are passable, buses are running and we are a mobile city again. Two days later, our city was up and running.

I thought of this massive amount of snow compared to the endless winters where there isn't any outstanding weather phenomenon to contend with. Just a relentless long and cold season. As it is with life ...

Sometimes we have 'natural disasters' in our lives. The big stuff. Sometimes you don't see it coming and all of a sudden you are in the middle of a 'blizzard' and overwhelmed at the idea of digging yourself out. You start ... simply by continuing to breathe. Then, you take a step.

There are great communities of people to help you shovel your way out. If only you reach out to them. If you take one step forward, chances are that you have a community of support to help you through the storm.

Sometimes you get blindsided by life. Akin to an aftershock after an earthquake. One would think that the crisis itself is bad enough, but it isn't. More loss and pain ... your new reality. It is tough to wake up to a brand new world. A world that isn't what you planned or expected. But you must continue to dig your way out of the rubble. Reaching out to your community and feeling them reach back helps. It doesn't heal all ... but knowing you aren't alone in the world makes a difference.

Then there are the 'winters' that are simply long and unrelenting. Life issues that simply don't go away after the crisis has passed. There are some sunny days in between the worrisome times, but it is still 'winter' in your heart. There isn't that satisfaction that comes from digging your way out of the 'blizzard' of life ... because it continues to snow. Every day. Then the cold arrives ...

There is a completely different kind of strength that it takes to deal with those long, cold 'winters' of life. A winter that doesn't necessarily end with the onset of spring ...

But spring does arrive. It brings hope, growth and a time of renewal. After a relentlessly cold and hard winter, one always needs hope. One continues to need their community. Even when the snow has melted, they still benefit from someone helping out with the rain that falls every day.

We all have some storms to endure. As I look around me, I know many that need a little help with the long, cold winter of their lives. It's time to grab my shovel and lend a helping hand ...

Change

I love my ruts. Every now and again I like to forge my way out of an old rut ... but it is in the quest to make a new one.

There is a lot of same-ness in my life. We've lived in the same house for over 15 years ... I've had the same car for 11 1/2 years ... I hold on tight to my friendships.

I've jumped out of the career-rut ever so gradually. I worked in the banking industry for 30 years. When I thought I wanted to try something else, I continued to work at the bank one day a week for 10 years (while I ran my daycare from home). Before I was ready to jump ship altogether, I took a year leave of absence. Just in case I changed my mind (I didn't).

There is my daycare. I started babysitting 11 years ago. Even as I attempt to find a new rut in my next career move, I continue to keep before and after school kids. I can't bring myself to try and sell off or give away all of the daycare paraphernalia around here. Just in case ...

I needed to replace my purse last night. When I found an exact replica of the purse that I already have, I was thrilled. It is the same with pants or shoes - if I find some that actually fit, if I can I will buy two pairs of them. And I definitely replace the worn out, with duplicates of what has worked for me in the past. New, but the same. That's me!

I don't move my furniture around ... my clothes have been around forever (though I recently went on quite a spending spree) ... my routines and rituals are a variance of the same old, same old. Then there is my hair.

Even though I spent the better part of the past two years trying to grow out an old hair cut, my son looked at an old picture of me and said "Your hair style never changes". What?! I've tried and I've tried to find a new look. More often than not, I'd go to the hairdresser with shiny new ideas. Then, I would walk out looking just like 'me'.

The 'Dorothy Hamil' look that I aimed for a few weeks ago has not been going well. I've gotten over the shock of the new reflection in the mirror, but what I see is a hair style that I don't love. I was willing to go with it because it will grow into something I like. I'm sure of it. But upon the advise of The Man Who Knows All when it comes to dancing and dance competitions, I'm losing the new (old) look.

This morning I am off to the most intense hair appointment of my life. My hairdresser has talked to The Man Who Knows All and he has told her his vision of what he would like my hair to look like. This is so out of the norm, that my hairdresser called me yesterday and said "Are you okay with this?? Do you really want to do what he is suggesting?"

Scary words from a hairdresser.

I woke up at about 3:30 this morning. What should be at the top of my subconscious mind ... but my new hair.

I didn't break out into a sweat. But I didn't go back to sleep either (I'm sure that I dozed, but my brain never stopped thinking about my new look).

If I was going straight to the dance competition, that would be one thing. But I have to walk around in real life for two weeks. Two weeks where I can just feel what people will be thinking: "What is that old woman trying to prove?! Look at her hair!" I'm wondering if I can fashion a scarf &/or hat to sport in the real world for a while.

But then again, there is a chance that I may like it.

Change scares the socks off of me. This morning my feet are pretty chilly. But I'm moving on. It's time for a new rut.

Criticism

I have far too many kind people in my life. They are gentle with their words, generous with their support and they listen to my banter ... far too much.

I could coast like this forever. I don't want to do that. I want and need to continue to push myself. You don't grow and learn if you don't venture out into new territory. I love that feeling of safety and security. But I'm stagnating at this level. It's time to push the bar.

Going back to school is a step in the right direction. I'm challenged and motivated. I've set goals for myself that I'm achieving. Yet, if I'm achieving them that easily ... maybe I should be striving for something more difficult.

Then there is dancing. It always comes back to dancing for me.

Preparing for this competition has been fun. I'm learning new things - small bits of information here and there. Nothing overwhelming. I don't want to say it's easy, because the simplest of things throw me completely off of my game when it comes to adding a small bit of proper technique onto something that I already know. But I knew I wasn't pushing my limits. Until Monday.

The owner of the dance studio offered several suggestions and pointers as we worked through the last part of the lesson. He is a very wise man - he sees all, knows all and feels all (from my perspective anyway) when it comes to dancing. I value his opinion and respect his knowledge.

My head was swimming as he suggested what to practice at home, where to hold my arms, how to move them, reminded me to breathe, relax my shoulders and so on and so forth.

He talked of the upcoming competition and the look he 'saw' on me (this involves wild and crazy ideas about my hair).

He checked over my new dance costume and honestly evaluated it. 'Yes' - it is too young for me. But ... 'Yes' we are going to use it anyway. Then he went on to suggesting ways to make this costume work. If he thinks it could work, I believe it will.

My head was swimming by the time I left my dance lesson. I believe that I walked out of the dance studio with the deer-in-the-headlights look. But after the dust settled, I was grateful for the time and energy that was spent on me during the last part of my lesson.

I know I'm not pushing myself at the dance studio. And I should be. As I prepare for this competition, I should be pushing the limits and daring to dance as I've never danced before. I was complacent - thinking that what I knew was good enough. It was safe. It was comfortable.

I need honest criticism in my life. And I received a very gentle dose of that during my Monday dance lesson. I didn't walk out of the studio laughing and full of the 'fun' that I usually feel. But that was okay. It was necessary.

This is a person that I gravitate towards when I want an honest answer. I have a few people in my life like that. I need that ...

My Middle Son has always had the knack of speaking honestly to me. He seems to have a detachment that allows him to see the full picture and communicate what he sees and feels. I respect his judgement and when he says something, I listen.

I need that honesty in my life. I quietly crave it. Sometimes I seek it out.

I'm okay with who I am ... but I know there is always room for improvement. Whether it's on the dance floor or simply being a good human being. I need a little honest criticism in my life.

My Daytime Heroes ... Reunited!

I was in heaven yesterday. Rosie was on Oprah ...

'The Rosie O'Donnell Show' and 'Oprah' were two staples in my life when I was home on maternity leave 11 1/2 years ago. Rosie made me laugh. Oprah made me think. Life was good. Life was very, very good.

Then Rosie wound up her show and I had absorbed all of the wisdom that I could absorb from Oprah for a while and we all parted ways.

I was thrilled when Rosie returned to daytime television on 'The View'. I enjoyed listening to her view on world events, her passion made me feel some of what she felt and I truly admired the fact that she stood for what she believed in. The world needs people like that.

Then I drifted back into Oprah's world for several seasons. Once again, I heard what I needed to hear. I was inspired, uplifted, motivated and a lot of positive changes in my life are a result of Oprah's show.

As I dove into a new life this fall (a life where I didn't have the time to be watching a lot of TV), I stopped taping 'Oprah'.

After watching yesterday's show, I realized just how much I missed my two favorite daytime TV hosts.

What I enjoy about Rosie, is the deepness that lies underneath her comedy. She was candid and honest about much-talked-about events of her life. There is far too much publicity about things-that-don't-matter in the lives of the rich and famous. I admired the way she spoke about some of the controversial events in a way that were honest, yet she didn't put anyone down in the retelling of the stories.

I was spellbound, as Rosie and Oprah bounced their words off of each other. The interview, the wording of the questions, the way one topic segued to the next, the ease they appeared to have with each other ... and the laughter. It is the laughter that always speaks to me the loudest.

My brother has a talent for putting words together in a most unique and special way. He is deep and introspective then ... whammo! He has you laughing. You laugh harder because a millisecond before that, you were close to tears. It's a talent. Rosie's made millions off of her humor. My brother has his own set of fans much closer to home. The ability to laugh through the tears is key to survival. At least in my world.

As the hour of Rosie on Oprah wound to a close, I realized what has been missing in my life recently. Thought provoking conversations.

My thoughts are too 'all about me' lately. People in my life have granted me a wide berth as I have tried to take on a few new challenges and spent all of my energy on coaxing myself forward. My conversations, my writing, my thoughts ... are too internal.

I love when I'm inspired and motivated by the world around me. It is truly the best way to live. Absorb the good around you, take an interest in the outside world and all of the people in it, learn from the bad stuff, absorb the good stuff, help when you can and say 'yes' to life.

I haven't done that in a while. I wish that Rosie and Oprah could team up together again and push me through this spot.

I just might have to do this on my own ... but in the mean time, I believe that I will tape the last part of Oprah's final season. I will learn what I can, while I can ... from one who has inspired me so much.

Say It! Believe It! Go For It!

I have never read 'The Secret' cover to cover. I had a daily calendar with quotes from 'The Secret' that I recycled and reread for a second year. The quotes from 'The Secret' are not all new ideas. I've heard various forms of the same way of thinking from other sources, over the years.

I have lived some of 'The Secrets' truths. I am a believer of many of their adages. What can you lose by believing, visualizing and talking about what you want to come true in your life?

Yesterday afternoon, I was talking to a friend. I told her (as I have told many others before her) that what I want, is a job with hour requirements and guidelines just like my school week. At school, I must attend 20 hours per week. I must work within the hours that the school is open, but how and when I put in those 20 hours is up to me. I love that flexibility!

As I uttered the words once more yesterday, I qualified my statement with one of the adages that I learned from 'The Secret'. You must visualize what you want in life. You must say it out loud. You must believe it. I have seen many of my dreams come true from following this exact philosophy.

Within a few hours, I received an email from this friend. She had been on an Internet site and found the job that I had just described. "Typist Required - Casual hours, advance notice on an ‘on call’ basis, normally during the hours of 9:30a.m. – 3:00p.m., Monday – Friday. Some of the job requirements it asked for were for Microsoft Office programs that I have just taken/just finishing at school.

Ask and you shall receive!

I submitted a resume with a cover letter last night. I don't know if I could find a way to make this fit into my schedule at the present time, but my true hope is that I can make enough of an impression that they will consider me for the future. Or ... if we could just find a way to make it work now, it would be perfect.

I am a believer.

Know what you want. Create a vivid picture of it in your mind. Visualize it, believe it, know that you deserve this, say it out loud. Tell the world ... because the world does listen. At least in my experience it does.

And really ... what do you have to lose?

Music That Touches Your Soul

I love when music speaks to me. It doesn't happen all of the time but every now and again there is a hauntingly beautiful piece of music that I just want to hear over and over again.

Last night, we went to see the movie 'Old Dogs' (I highly recommend it). I walked into the theatre thinking the movie was about dogs (it was a Disney movie after all). It seemed a logical presumption. I was wrong. But I'm not giving out any more hints about the movie. It's a light hearted story that tells itself.

I loved the music in the movie. At one point I actually grabbed my pen and paper and scribbled down a key phrase from the lyrics so I could go home and seek out one particular song on YouTube.

This morning, I woke up with that song in my head. I grabbed my glasses and raced to the computer to use my best detective skills to find this song.

It took a little while because the phrase that I had remembered was the title to another song altogether. So I was off on a wild goose chase.

Then I found it. 'The Song'. As I listened to it, I knew it was 'The Song' that had haunted me on two separate occasions years ago. I heard it once at a dance ... the next time at a dance at our own studio.

It didn't dawn on me to immediately ask the name of the song. Instead, I did my Google search (to no avail) and asked at my next dance lesson. The only words I remembered were "I can't take my eyes off of you" ... and I knew it was a waltz. Without enough clues enough to go on, I never did find the song.

When I heard it last night, I had no idea that this was the song that I had been seeking out years ago. When I found it this morning, it was like stumbling across a lost memory.

As it is, with most of the songs that I fall in love with ... it is a Viennese Waltz. Is the Viennese Waltz my favorite dance because of the dance ... or the music?

I adore the dreamy tempo of this song. It makes me want to waft across a dance floor:

I love when I stumble across something I've been searching for ... and forgotten that I've never found.

I wonder if that is what falling in love could be like?