The Afterglow of Christmas

I have not been in any hurry to 'pack up Christmas' yet this year.

I am still revelling in the glow of our Christmas lights and marvelling at the cards that found their way to us this holiday season.

I let my vision blur and all that I see is the afterglow of Christmas. The lights. Greetings from friends and family from across the miles.

I am not in a rush to pack it all in. For the wonder of the season had nothing to do with gifts. It was simply the quiet essence of drawing the world in just a little closer.

Our home feels enveloped in friendship and family ties year round. But right now? There is physical evidence of those connections. I just want to bask in the afterglow for a few more days ...

Quiet

Yesterday was a day that I needed. A day of rest-for-my-mind.

I didn't take the time to formulate my own thoughts ... to write ... to talk ... or communicate in any fashion. No creativity was required to get through the day.

I was not sad, blue in any capacity, lonely or depressed. I was happy.

Happy to be home. Happy to have the gift of a day.

Perhaps it was a waste of a day. I prefer to think of it as a much-needed day of nothingness.

The clutter of one's mind is exhausting. A day with a quiet mind is a gift. Savor the serenity of a peaceful mind whenever you have the opportunity.

“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.”

~ Baba Ram Dass

Feel Good Movie Marathon

I watched movies today. All day.

I didn't have the energy to think my own thoughts and was quite happy to let Hollywood fill up my day and entertain my mind.

Here is a recap of my day and some of the words that 'stuck' from each of the movies I watched:

Serendipity

"Serendipity. It's one of my favorite words .... It's such a nice sounding word for what it means: a fortunate accident."

"You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: 'Did he have passion?'."

"And if you're smart enough, you learn from your mistakes. You figure it out. You... you think. You realize that life isn't some elaborate stage play with directions for the actors. Life's a mess, Sara. It's... it's chaos personified."

Now and Then

"Things will happen in your life that you can't stop... But that's no reason to shut out the world... There's a purpose for the good and for the bad... "

"I've been so afraid of the bad things that um... That I've missed out on the good... "

"Thomas Wolfe once said you can't go home again. Well, that's great for old Tom. But he wasn't a chick who made a pact with her friends when she was twelve to get together whenever any one of them needed each other. So here I am driving back to my childhood home in Indiana a place I can tell you I never wanted to see again."

As Good As it Gets

"Carol Connelly: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke."

"Melvin Udall: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were fifty.
Carol Connelly: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were kind, so so much for eyes. "

Bewitched

"Do you want the long version or the short version? And I have to warn you, the long version is in Aramaic."

The Wedding Planner
"Love is just love. it is not a fairy tale... it's not some enchanted evening. that's not real life."

"... I appreciated her. Then the appreciation grew to respect. Respect grew to like. Then like grew to love. A deeper love than I could ever hope for ..."

"... But the funny thing about answered prayers ... Is they come to you in unexpected ways ..." ~ Lyrics from 'Plan on Forever'

About a Boy

"Suddenly I realized - two people isn't enough. You need backup. If you're only two people, and someone drops off the edge, then you're on your own. Two isn't a large enough number. You need three at least."

"I used to think two was not enough. But now things are great; there are loads of people... I don't know what Will was so pissed about. I don't think couples are the future. The way I see it now, we both got back-up now. It's like that thing Jon Bon Jovi said: 'No man is an island'."

Notting Hill

"For June who loved this garden from Joseph who always sat beside her." Some people do spend their whole lives together."

My 'Feel Good Movie Marathon' day has come to an end. The most amazing thing of all???? I stayed awake for the (vast majority) of a day spent in front of a box that lulls me to sleep when I am wide awake.

I think I needed this day. A day to be quiet. A day to find thought provoking moments in whatever was laid out before me.

Going Home

All good things must come to an end ... and so it is, with our Christmas visit with Mom and My Brother's Family.

It was a quiet Christmas, filled with happy memories of Christmases past. There were few surprises and no plumbing issues (as in some of our past Christmases).

The phone was relatively quiet ... though both of My Sons called and our conversations (&/or phone messages) became a part of this year's memories.

I would imagine that The Sisters (Mom's and mine) will be calling Mom soon after we leave, so she will continue to enjoy the company of family as Christmas weans itself into the New Year.

There will be no letter in the mail for her this week ... but my family's gift to her was The Gift of a Letter and she has a small gift bag full of mail that will keep her occupied for a while.

It has been a blissful Christmas. Quiet and enjoyable. Simple pleasures brought together under one roof, for a handful of days.

Now it is time to head home. There is only one Christmas wish that I have left - a safe and uneventful trip home.

Safe travels to all and to all ... "May the Spirit of Christmas be with you throughout the days and years ahead."

The Most Un-Christmas-Like Christmas of All

What is Christmas supposed to feel like??

There has always been the feeling that Christmas was ‘something special’ within my family.

As a child on the farm, my memories are sketchy … but I definitely recall the sense of wonder, lots of people, our big mid-day Christmas Dinner and the best part of all – the turkey on a bun, with a pickle later in the day.

I think that even as a small child, I appreciated the turkey-on-the-bun part of the day the most. The biggest part of Mom’s workload was finally complete and I must have felt her stress levels decline as she could relax a little, with what was left of the day.

When we moved out of the province and away from my Married Sisters, Christmas truly took on a magical feeling. Christmas meant the gathering of our family under one roof, lots of visiting, a growing number of people (as My Sisters had and raised their children - nine, between the two of them). Oh … it was a very fine time to be a kid in amongst the chaos. Christmas represented nothing but happy family memories.

As I started having my own children, the focus of Christmas started to shift.

My Oldest has fond memories of our Christmases Past. All of his cousins gathered together and many fun-filled memories were made.

As a parent, it was different. I focused on the disparity between My Son’s gifts and those that his cousins received. I could not compete in any way. Eventually, I started to wean my little family out of the Christmas Mornings and we were a part of the celebrations in every other way. It was still good.

It was also during the years of raising my children and on-again, off-again relationships that I started to become angry with the expectations of the season. Christmas has a way of magnifying whatever is going on in your life. Good becomes great; bad becomes unbearable; loneliness becomes sadness. Anniversaries of Christmases Past become a very sad and lonely time when you are in a state of transition or loss.

Time and age assisted in the coming-to-terms with the emotional baggage that Christmas has the ability to carry.

My small family’s traditions became smaller, quieter … and a little less of ‘everything I remembered’ Christmas to be.

My Middle Son’s Christmas memories were far less spectacular than My Oldest’s memories. My Youngest? I will be curious to hear his take on Christmases Past in about a decade or so.

His expectation level has never been too high. Until this year, I had never heard him compare what he received at Christmas, to others.

This year, there were three gifts for him under the tree. He was pleased with what he received. There was no outward indication of let down or disappointment. But the look I saw in his eyes this year was a little bit different than the rest.

We packed up and headed out to Mom’s home for the holidays. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning with my brother’s family. My Youngest has many fond memories of spending Christmas with his much-older girl cousins. Even now that they are 16 and 19 years old, they still treat him with the same ease and kindness that they always have. The disparity of ages will grow even farther apart as they enter their adult years …

There wasn’t a lot of people, presents or the confusion and chaos of Christmases Past. I believe that my mom savoured that fact. I appreciated the lack of expectations that landed on my shoulders. But my children … what will they remember about this most Un-Christmas-Like Christmas of All?

Will they focus on what they had? Or what they lacked?

I believe it will all depend upon their ages and stages of life.

My Oldest will remember this most untraditional Christmas of all … as the year he spent Christmas in Thailand.

My Middle Son will remember this as the Christmas where he shed the traditional monetary gift-giving … and spent it at home with his very own 'family'.

I will remember it as the Christmas of Empty Arms/Full Heart. The year that I tried to shift the giving … but still felt the need to give something.

My Youngest? He keeps his thoughts quietly to himself. It isn’t sadness, loneliness or loss of a life he once knew that I see in his eyes. I see a look of resignation and acceptance. It is what it is. It isn’t what others have. It is ours. Whether that is a good or bad thing? He will find out more, as the years go by …

An Unexpected Gift

It was as Christmas gift that I didn’t expect. Perhaps, I should have. But I was surprised none-the-less.

I was forewarned. “Keep an eye on this,” said my Uncle when I bought his car. It might be okay for a while …

As it has been with almost everything in and around our house lately … if it’s not broken, I haven’t been fixing it. If it is broken, I decide just how much we needed it in the first place and whether or not we can simply do without. Things have not been getting fixed or replaced unless it is something I deem it worthy of doing so.

My Middle Son has been my live-in-Mr-Fix-It. If he sees something that needs to be done, he does it.

He recently replaced the rear brake drums on my car. Once again, I had been told that this could be something that may need to be done soon. The brakes worked fine. One gets used to the pulsing vibration when one brakes, when one learns to trust the brakes. I ignored it. My Son fixed it.

Unbeknownst to me, we have had a slow but steady drip from our outside water tap. I have no idea how I couldn’t have seen it myself, but we ended up with a (very large) frozen waterfall from the tap to the ground which most definitely did not happen over night.

An outside water leak in the dead of winter is something that I deemed necessary to fix. So I wrote a note-to-self, to call a plumber in the morning. Before I remembered to do that the next day, my Son offered to fix it himself. He had never done such a thing before but he eyed up the situation and decided to follow what logic told him … and fix it.

So he did. He sees what needs to be done. And does it. That is (perhaps) why, when he checked over my car before my road-trip … that I didn’t even think about the tires that my Uncle had warned me about.

I forgot to check the tires when we stopped for gas mid-way to our destination. It was only when we were sitting at the last light out of the last major city for 150 kms … that a kind passenger in the car sitting beside me, got my attention and told me that I had a flat tire. I pulled over immediately. It was (almost) as flat as a pancake.

I was ready to take that tire on the highway. I was more than a little annoyed with myself that I didn’t notice. I was even more grateful for this kind stranger who brought it to my attention before the circumstances became more dire.

Immediately, I started counting my blessings.

The kindness of yet another stranger who changed my tire. The fact that it was not -40° outside. The miracle that Canadian Tire decided to stay open until 3:00 (instead of 12:00) for this very reason (to be available for stranded travellers). That I had given myself a few hours leeway to get to My Destination on time.

And one small thing that brought great joy to me, as my car was put up on a hoist right in front of the windows of the customer area where My Youngest and I spent the next hour and a half waiting for our car’s turn to be repaired … the fact that my Middle Son did me the great favour of washing my car for me before we headed out on the open road.

There sat my car, in its time of need. Front and centre with a bird’s eye view of the garage, the waiting area and everything and everyone in it. And it shone in its glory.

I looked at my car as it demanded to be taken care of. And I was grateful. Grateful for every little thing that brought us to that place in time.

How could I be so fortunate (once again) to have a car with an instinctive ‘homing device’ that doesn’t let me down in the middle of nowhere?

I happily paid the bill and was grateful that it was not more.

I didn’t ask for tires this Christmas … but that is what I got. But more importantly, we arrived safely to our destination in plenty of time for supper.

How much more could one ask for on Christmas Eve?

From Our Home to Yours ... Merry Christmas!!!

Me & my very own Santa Son