I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. I feel rather blah. So I thought I'd reread my words from a year ago:
Sunday, Nov 11/07 6:53 pm
I just realized that I hadn't even thought about sitting down and journalling my thoughts these past many days. Wow. I think that is quite possibly the best sign of my state of mind yet. No need to rehash, recall, mull over any of my thoughts. No loneliness to drive me to sit at the computer and write to myself. My thoughts are completely and totally ... normal. Time on my hands, a long weekend is here with oodles of down time ... it is my birthday today ... nothing. I am good. I feel good. I feel blessed and surrounded by wonderful, uplifting, caring, vital and good, good people in my life!!! Idle time is my friend once again. No nervous energy to wear off. No need to bide the hours with something to distract me. No need to run off anywhere. It had crossed my mind to possibly head out to Edmonton this weekend, but as the time neared, it simply wasn't necessary. We are planning on going out at Christmas and that will be good. It will be good to go for all of the right reasons (not that any of my running escapades have turned out to be anything other than fantastic, but it is nice to just go because I want to go).
And so I begin the 48th year of my life ... 47 years old today .... I appreciate the wisdom I have gained .... the strong bonds I have formed in my life .... the 'life' I have made for myself and my family .... I feel my home is my refuge, my place of happiness, contentment .... I feel that all of the people in my life are good for me ... they bring me up and are simply good people. I am happy. I am happy!! And I am so content. My self confidence is back and possibly stronger than before. All that was shattered is coming back together and I feel better than I have in such a very long time. I am so blessed. So very, very blessed. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!
One year and one day later ...
I could have written those exact same words again yesterday. There is something that I gained in my life that has remained with me. And so begins the next year of my life!