Overloaded

The exhaustion that has seeped into my 'being' is telling. Even when I went through the overloaded moments when I was putting together my mom's family's history book, they passed. I took a day or two to let myself recoup and I was off and running again.

It feels different this time. My full daycare load plus my second job are filling my days and nights. My weekends aren't my own, because I feel like I'm on call for this second job (that is simply the way I feel - that has a workable solution). I now have 2 consecutive days off, but I'm not putting them to the best use.

I looked back at the last week of hours that I put in, at this 'bookkeeping' job. I worked every evening until 9 or 9:30 except 2. And those 2 evenings, I had my own plans. I felt guilty for taking a 'crash and burn' day on Saturday, but on looking back at my week I see why I needed it.

The daycare world is taxing me more than it needs to be. It is my reaction to the days that is wearing me down. I sat down and started writing up a newsletter to the parents yesterday. I thought it was at the stage to print off and hand out when divine intervention stepped in and made me take a moment to pause.

My (almost) new printer has stopped printing some colors. I thought if I changed the ink cartridges that would work, but the problem was still happening after that. So I spent an hour 'chatting' online with one of the service reps and then to someone on the phone when he realized that I needed to get a replacement part (covered by warranty).

So the newsletter didn't go out. All I can say is "Whew!"

I deleted several paragraphs that were written with a little too much emotion. But even after I did that, there was a feeling of desperation in my writing. I needed to take that day to cool off and reword things.

The printer could have printed off the newsletter as it was. But the timing of my service call to the printer company stopped the press. I am so relieved.

Writing my feelings has always been an outlet for me. Sometimes those words written in the heat of the moment are thoughts best kept to myself. I don't always put the brakes on sending, printing or voicing my words in time.

I'm grateful for a printer problem that halted me in my tracks yesterday. I'm in a much better place this morning to put words to paper that are worthy of sharing ...