Saturday, November 24, 2012

Ahhh ... The Silence

Life has been busy lately. It has been a good kind of busy because I feel my inner happy present once again. It came when I wasn't looking. And it has remained.

The evolution of my state of mind from the Personal Day that I took for myself until today has been a gradual one.

A day of solitude grounded me. It helped me appreciate the world we have created within our home while I sequestered myself to a quiet corner of that world for a day.

The return of life-as-I-know-it the next morning helped me see just how much my Daycare Family is starting to become something vital and important to me. When I ran my daycare before, My Youngest was part of that family. I loved him. Though I made every effort not to treat him any different than anyone else that I cared for ... the difference was in the way that I felt about him. With my current little daycare-family-of-three, I care about each of them equally. I enjoy those moments of cuteness that arise out of nowhere when you are physically and mentally present in your day. This is truly where I am meant to be right now.

My weekend vacation at my mom's was perfect. I enjoy my own company as I find opportunities to distance myself from my Real Life. The drive and the overnight stay at the hotel enroute to my destination gave me the gift of time to myself. I arrived on Mom's doorstep well rested, content and fulfilled. So I had something to give of myself throughout our visit. It wasn't a lot. But it has happened far too often, that I come on 'empty'. There is a difference. It was a weekend with my mom that was light, easy and breezy. I am so glad that I went.

Upon my return home, I seemed to stumble across the energy it took to take care of a few need-to-do matters around the house. Nothing drags me down like a to-do-list that isn't getting done. I have done all that I can (afford to) do for now. Unfortunately the list never ends as I found a small puddle of antifreeze under my idling car last night. Sigh ... hopefully it is an easy (and cheap) fix. The list never ends. And that is okay. It means I have small goals to strive towards as I keep my eye on the big picture and look for bigger goals in the horizon.

I woke up to a quiet home this morning. Everyone is in their own space and it has presented the opportunity for me to enjoy my quiet little space here at the computer. My fingers can wander where ever they want to go and I can sit back and enjoy the moment before I take on a few need-to-do chores that I must fit into the day.

I can write. I can blog, I can email, I could start writing Christmas cards ...

I can begin to think of creative ways to give. This Christmas is going to be a from-the-heart kind of year. Expenses have been adding up to more than the income. The shortfall means I must utilize what ever I can find 'within' ... the quietness around me helps me find a creative outlet for this season of giving.

I could lose myself in a book. I have amassed a small collection of reading material but rarely find the energy it takes to open a book. I can start reading a book and simply forget to continue reading it. I miss reading.

Quiet and solitude. They are a gift when your life is full. Quiet and solitude. Could be my undoing, if this was the life that I woke up to each morning. The trick is in how one capitalizes on the quiet times. Quietness in my physical world means that I can pursue the 'noise' in my mind.

I love the silence ... but only when it is balanced by a life filled with work, goals, friendship, family and fun. I can tell when life is out of balance. I can often find the 'reset' button when I find a quiet little corner to recoup, reboot and restart.

Ahhh ... the silence. Life is good!

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