Reflecting...

As with my promise to try to live my life as if a camera was recording my actions, so it is with my blog. To allow myself to write these blurbs of my thinking, I must focus on how I am wording my thoughts as I record my thoughts and place them into 'cyberworld'.

As I read and reread my reference to ''the relationship that was toxic to me'', I thought that both sides of that coin deserve equal time.

What I am starting to discover (now that I have stepped away from things a bit emotionally), is the common denominator between my two failed relationships ....

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, the power that words hold. Written or spoken. I have wielded my words like a sword. Whether in small ways, on a consistent basis ... or in big ways, when under duress. My exhusband didn't have the communication skills to defend himself, so he chose what was natural to him to 'fight my words'. That doesn't make his actions right, but the fact that he reacted was to be expected. And so it was, in my last relationship ... different reaction, but it was in response to my words and actions.

It takes two to argue. This is a fact. And as 'toxic' as these relationships were to me, they were just as lethal to the other party....

I have so much to learn and so far to grow in the world of relationships. What I have learned is that people will treat you the same way you treat yourself. If you feel unworthy and unloveable, that is what you will attract (the 'law of attraction' that ''The Secret'' talks of).

So I am finding it a very positive sign that I am 'falling in love with my life' and starting to feel so much stronger within myself. The need for a relationship to sustain this is nil.

After my relationship ended, I was hurting so much and for so long, that I wished that I could have immediately filled that void. Just to numb the pain and help me forget. I am so grateful that wish wasn't fulfilled.

We don't always get what we want in life. But we do get what we need.