What's Eating at Me?

I have been consciously aware of my eating lately. I am starting to feel that the more I think about what I'm eating or not eating ... the more I crave everything.

I started out by writing down the emotion that I was feeling when I reached for food when hunger was not the motivating factor.

I have my breakfast smoothie and as a rule, I don't even think about food until lunch. Except ... when I do think about food in the morning, I tend to think about food all day.

I have had 2 days (out of the past 4 days) where I grazed for the entirety of the day. I nibbled, I ate, I drank (coffee or tea) and I nibbled some more. Both of these were days when I started eating between breakfast and lunch.

And what was the emotion that I felt as I grabbed my next snack? I felt empty inside.

One of these days was on a Sunday when I had the world at my fingertips and I was not bound by any responsibilities. I was invited out for supper and the more I thought of this invitation, the more I ate. That doesn't even make sense.

The other day was yesterday. I was bound to my house and the limitations that I had placed upon me because of the 'kid load' I had that day. Even what I could do within the house was restricted because of the ages, stages and schedules of the kids I had here. I felt so restricted by kids, that I was restless.

Thankfully, I had sunflower seeds on hand which took care of the hand-to-mouth habit which I tend to fall into on days like this (and days not like this). I was endlessly craving ... something.

The cravings that I have, have little to do with food. It is an emotion, an emptiness and a longing inside of me that I am filling with food. My life is not fully in balance when food plays such a big part of the day.

Today is a new day. I'm not feeling empty inside and I'm eating when I'm hungry. I eat a much healthier and a more balanced meal when I am feeding hunger verses feeding an emotion.

I have to find better ways to feed the emotional voids in my days. There are ups and downs in life no matter how content you are. I think feeding those voids with contact with people would be much healthier than feeding myself with food. The question is: Do I know enough people to feed that emptiness??