If ...

If ... I was still a full-time daycare provider, our summer holidays would have felt like summer holidays.

If ... I was still running my daycare, I wouldn't have had the chance to go back to school.

If ... I didn't go back to school, I never would have felt the endorphins released by learning.

If ... I didn't keep learning, I wouldn't have such faith that 'I can do anything!'.

If ... I didn't feel like I could do anything, I would be afraid to take chances.

If ... I was afraid of taking chances, I would be afraid to reach out and make new friends.

If ... I didn't have my friendships to fuel me, I would lose my enthusiasm.

If ... I lost my enthusiasm, I would lose the part of myself that keeps taking chances.

If ... I didn't take chances, I never would have become a daycare provider.

If ... I hadn't been a daycare provider, I wouldn't be who I am today.

If ... I wasn't who I am, who would I be??

I can't stop dreaming about my daycare days. They are over. The end of an era. There are so many good things that came out of my 12 years in daycare, that I can stop thinking about all that evolved because of the pivotal moment when I said the words aloud to a group of trusted friends, "I want to find a way to stay at home and be a Mom."

I knew who I wanted to be. I had searched for that all of my life. I made a vow that I would do whatever it took, to pay the bills. And I did it.

If ... I had to live the last 12 years of my life over again? I wouldn't change a thing.