Oh, My Aging Body!

Yesterday started with my curiosity getting the best of me. I stepped on the scale and weighed myself for the first time since last fall.

Lately, I have been noticing that I much prefer my coats to have a zipper that also zips up from the bottom. At first I thought it was simply because it was more comfortable to drive and move around. Later, I realized that my derriere must be widening. Because my long coat was tight when I zipped it up. Ewww!!!

I have gained several pounds since I last stepped on the scale. At first glance, it looked like maybe three pounds. Then again, it was more likely five, because the last time I remember what my weight was, I was weighed at the end of the day. I stepped on the scale in the morning. This usually shaves off a few pounds.

So I did the math. My coats are getting tight in the 'rear'. I have moved up several jeans sizes. I have probably gained five more pounds than my last noted weight gain.

You can imagine how pleased I was when I went to go out last night and I noticed that I felt like I had 'worked out' in the aforementioned body part area. Cool! I wondered what I did to work those gluteus maximus muscles.

I didn't think on it too hard and went on my way.

It was when I was getting ready for bed, that I remembered the tumble that I had taken while I was delivering flyers in the dark yesterday morning. I got caught up in some ice ruts and went down. Hard. I landed on my back (end) and was stuck on the ground, loaded down with the full load of papers that I was carrying (I have an over-the-shoulder bag, and half of the papers are in front; half are in back). After struggling with the thought of "how do I get myself up??" for a millisecond, I mimicked the actions of the one-and-a-half-year-old I babysit, that continually falls when she is outside. I rolled over on my side then braced my feet & hands, then walked my hands back towards my feet until I could stand, like some fancy yoga move.

I was pleased that I didn't take any more tumbles on the ice. I am feeling a tiny bit brittle these days and I am not sure how many times I can go down before I break. But I basically filed the memory away and carried on with the day.

Just before I hopped into the shower last night, I noticed a huge bruise from my fall earlier in the day. I was so disappointed to realize that the stiffness that I felt earlier was not from working any extra muscles. It was a pretty impressive bruise (not to be compared with some tobogganing and first-time-skiing bruises that were particularly memorable).

Then I went to bed. I fell into a rather restless sleep. Perhaps it had something to do with the large cup of coffee that I had after supper. The caffeine didn't prevent me from falling asleep but I believe that it was partially responsible for my brain not shutting down and letting my body fall into that deep paralysis when one dreams. Because I hurt. All night.

This morning, I woke up with the visual image of myself as of one of those paper dolls one can make with paper fasteners, where all of the joints are movable (a little bit like this: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/069/b/1/ella_ooak_articulated_paper_doll_by_purplefae-d4rsjrj.jpg (minus the youthful and fit body image) ... and I thought to myself "It is like all of my 'paper fasteners' are rusted ..."

As I carried on with my morning routines, I couldn't help but think of the additional poundage that I have been gradually amassing these past years. What if I was thin and brittle and took a tumble like I did yesterday? Maybe I would just snap and break. Yep. Everything happens for a reason. I had a nice 'cushion' to fall on yesterday morning. An impressive bruise trumps a broken hip any day. I'll take the bruise.

Now, about all of those 'rusty joints' ... I think I need to lubricate them. I've been running low on potato chips lately. That must be the problem.