Treat People as They Can Be ...

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is; treat a man as he can be and he will become as he can and should be.”

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

My mom doesn't understand this new generation of parents. The parents of her generation just raised their children by instinct and good common sense. No big deal. When she was a child, it was a generation of "children were seen but not heard" (or as her sister clarified, they "were heard of, but not seen").

I must have been enduring a phase with one of my children where I dared not take them out in public for fear of their behaviour, when I asked Mom how she managed this kind of situation. She said that it was not even a question - when they took us out, we were expected to behave well. And we did. She did not mention our ages when this easy revelation was explained to me.

I thought about it afterwards. Mom and Dad did not discipline us. They simply expected the best from us. You did not want to be on the receiving end of 'that look' of disapproval. I still feel that way. Not a word was said. You just knew. They knew you were capable of better. That is what they expected us to be. Not perfect ... just our own personal best (which was perhaps a little better than we thought we were).

Whether it was school work or getting along with people. The bar was set high. We were treated as we could be ... and we became as good as we could and should be.

I have an amazing group of supportive people in my life. I so often feel and tell them that they see me as better than I am. I have done and been asked to do some things that I did not feel capable of doing. But because people saw me as I could be ... I became as good as I could and should be.

My children are growing and grown. I would be lying if I said parenting was as easy as Mom's words of advice, where your children were simply as good as you expected them to be. But you know what? After all is said and done ... it appears (that even though there were some hills and valleys throughout the growing-up years) now that they are adults? They have definitely become as they 'could and should be'. I could not be more proud and happy with the adults they have (and are) become (becoming).

I am presently in the business of raising other people's children, for ten hours of the day, five days of the week. I asked myself the question "Am I treating them as the children they can be?..." When a child is labeled as a follower, an instigator, a cutey-pie, quiet or loud or anything in between ... do they live up to that label and how we see them?

I have walked through the day with a renewed perspective. It has been challenged. One and two year olds, who are tired and have colds are not at their best. Neither is the caregiver who strives to monitor their behaviour at all times (sharing, trading, playing together is the focus-of-the-day). But I am doing my best.

I am treating myself as the caregiver that I have the potential to be, in the hopes that I will become as good as I can and should be.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was a wise man.