Resisting Change

Have you ever noticed how an ill fitting undergarment can wreak havoc with how you feel on the inside no matter how you look on the outside?

That is 'me' in a nutshell. I need to feel good from the inside out. I want the outside layers to reflect that which is going on within. I do not obsess over my appearance. It is all about a feeling.

In my perfect world, I would have drawers full of all-of-the-same-style of socks, camisoles, lingerie items, pajamas, jeans and cardigans in slightly varying 'shades of black and navy blue'.

I would have a closet full of different colored, very similar styled tops, with enough styles to accommodate all four of the seasons and a slight variance for dress-wear verses casual-wear. They would all be styles that fit and camouflage my aging, changing body. The colors would reflect my 'best self' and season.

I could accessorize the above wardrobe with a small bit of silver or gold to dress up my look when I feel the need for sparkle.

I would add a purse and shoes exactly the same as the ones I am presently utilizing (because I know where everything is and because they are comfortable).

I am giddy with excitement each and every time I go into my favorite purse and baggage store and find out that they still stock my favorite purse (it is crazy that it is cheaper to buy a new purse, than it is to fix the old one).

I despise it when the Wranglers and Levi Straus' of the world change up their style of jeans and no longer stock the ones that fit me.

If Dr. Scholls discontinues the only-shoe-that-I-can-wear, I may have to go barefoot.

But the world changes and new brands of jeans must be bought, and must-have items need to be replenished...

This past month has brought too much 'new' into my old, comfortable life. New jeans (BLECH!!), new printer (I'm sorta pleased with that one), new coffee pot and the possiblity of needing a new computer to boot.

I like to keep-what-works in my world. Jeans that fit, obsolete items that still serve their purpose, jobs that I know, friendships that grow with me and a life that simply fits right.

I love the comfort of living a life where I wake up in the morning and think that I know what to expect within the day ahead. I don't need it to be beautiful and modern. I simply want comfort, ease and familiarity.

The world outside of my doors has enough surprises for me. I feel better equipped to deal with the unexpected ... when I don't spend time fretting about the little stuff.

The feeling within myself, my home, my family, my friends and my work starts within. As I add layers onto that feeling I simply want 'comfort' on top of that solid foundation.

But most of all? At the very core of all of that ease and familiarity? Is a body that does what you expect and want it to do.

A sore toe reminds me that I am lucky that my feet work. An ache in my back reminds me that I could hurt like this every day. A finicky thumb reminds me that the rest of my fingers and hands are in perfect running order. Crickedy joints remind me to respect that which moves in my body.

The comfortable clothes that hide the body that takes me where I want and need to go are only window dressing. The comfort and ease that I long for penetrates beyond the surface.

The more things change ... the more I wish for them to remain the same.