Invested

I am not sure if I am becoming a little bit of a window-shopaholic or if I am simply becoming more invested in my life.

I haven't been throwing away my money on frivolous items and I have been concentrating on ridding myself of the excess so I don't think I'm spending money for the sake of filling a void. I feel like I'm making choices based on future developments.

My daycare day consumes 67% of my waking hours so I guess it is no wonder that is where I am concentrating my investments these days. I want to create a diverse, changeable, interactive and stimulating environment for my little people. My daycare is the foundation of all that I am, all that I do and it pays for all of my bills. I would say it is wise to invest my efforts here.

Writing keeps getting put to the bottom of my priority list but I had a recent "wake up call". If I don't invest a little bit of time and energy improving and promoting myself, I could jeopardize an opportunity that I have been given. I frantically put a band aid on that situation but I know I need to keep focused on where I want to go and invest my time and energy accordingly.

My bookkeeping endeavours are waning. I have a brand new accounting program that I haven't even installed on my computer. I seem to think I need/want a completely separate computer for anything accounting related. Do I really want to make that investment when my heart is just not in it? Bookkeeping was part of my retirement plan. I planned on this subsidizing my income and balance my work to fun ratio when my life becomes less about running a daycare and more about creating a life outside my box house.

Speaking of my house, I have invested an extraordinary amount of money here lately. During my trial period of working outside my box house, one fact became blatantly clear to me. I need to find a way to make my house work for me. Whether it is housing a daycare, renting a room or an entire floor, creating a bed & breakfast or simply selling it and buying something smaller and cheaper in small town Saskatchewan. My home is not only where my heart lives, it is the foundation of my decision making process.

I am in a place where I am looking forward a lot right now. "You are here" is planted deeply within the root of my subconscious mind and I am gazing at the map of where I could go from this point in time. I like where I am. I feel like any decisions made from this place of feeling safe, secure, grounded and happy will be good ones.

The moment I typed those words, I felt myself back in the forks in the roads I travelled when I stepped out of my comfort zone the last time. Decisions made when my feet were planted on solid ground were good, easy, comfortable and exactly right for me at the time. It is when I stepped into the quicksand and the terrain under my feet became so uncertain that fear dictated my next move. It was one of the most frightening places I've been in my life. I was terrified of making another choice when I felt like I kept hopping from one sinking ship, onto the next.

I am on solid ground again. I am looking forward. I have my eye on where I want to go. My time, energy and resources are being spent on the future I am building. It feels very good to invest in "myself" again!