The months seem to be slipping through my fingers all of a sudden. Three months from now, I will be settling into my new life away from the one I know well. Three months.
I thrive on deadlines. This is one big reason I do believe it is in my best interest to continue to work for the foreseeable future.
I have two casual job positions to move toward. Two opportunities to push myself out of my comfort zone at home and into the real world of people, interaction, responsibility and challenge.
I foresee quiet in my future. Time to nourish my thoughts, sit in them, write a little, feel a lot and walk through them. It is time to defrost the numbing habits I have developed and go forward from there.
I anticipate meeting new people and developing relationships. I am going "home" again. Family. Roots. Connection. I am starting to feel the tingling one feels when their frozen fingertips are coming back to life.
I can feel the flutter of anticipation as I meet (and beat!) work deadlines. I read an article on de-cluttering and visions of filling boxes danced through my head.
"What brings you joy?", Marie Kondo asks. Make room for the future, I tell myself.
The last time I gave this house a thorough purging was when my daycare was winding down to a close. I released the excess and made room for whatever life had in store. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was making room for Mom's belongings after she died. I have not purged since.
I look at Mom's collection of books. Some books are most definitely "Mom" and speak to me as well. Other books will never be touched. Am I ready to let those go?
I think of my ballroom dancing days and the accessories I amassed during that time. I would love to dance again but my days of excess glitter and shine? I may keep a little but I'm ready to let go of a lot.
I picture the small little home of my future and my desire to move much less than I presently own. Garage sales are in my future. The real bonus of a garage sale is actually cleaning the garage. It has been five years since the garage was cleaned.
One step at a time. Meeting deadlines has pushed me out of a slump I had been marinating in for far too long. Moving toward the future I see for myself will push me where I need to be. Then what?
It is all in my hands from there.
Creating the life I saw for myself when we drove off the farm when I was nine years old. That nine-year-old little girl sobbing in the back seat of the car, making a solemn vow "I will grow up, become a teacher and move back".
I grew up. I ran a daycare in lieu of teaching. I am finally moving back home. Not exactly where I grew up, but literally to where I was born.
Full circle.
Oh, the difference one month can make when we do nothing at all but let life unfold in its own way, in its own time:
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