Fall - A Time to Shed

 The isolation I long for is the very same isolation that many are battling.

"Be careful what you wish for"

It is my goal to create a home that embraces me with warmth, comfort and joy

so when the day comes that I am the one who is battling the discomfort of being alone, 

I will not feel isolated.

As our daylight hours are shrinking and our mornings and evenings are cooler,

I am comforted in the warmth of fuzzy socks, long pants, favorite sweaters

and the pending season of cocooning myself within our home is a welcome thought.

The idea of winter does not scare me.

But all I have to do is look around

and I feel a darkness among those who are feeling the effects of a spring and summer of isolation.

I fear what winter will bring into their world.

I don't know how to make it better for others.

I feel helpless as I endeavor to alleviate the hopelessness that is growing by the day.

I think of the world I am trying to create within my own home and wonder if that is the key.

To surround yourself with that which brings you joy, 

instead of feeling weighed down by meaningless belongings could provide relief.

A fall project of reorganizing that which we already have,

dusting off evidence of happy memories hidden away in storage

and bringing "joy" into focus instead of clutter. 

Perhaps the changing seasons are a clue as to what we need the most.

The leaves shed their leaves in the fall in order to endure the winter season.

Fall ... 

a time to shed the excess to create space for joy to get us through the winter ahead.

Fifteen Minutes

I have completely gotten out of the habit of writing. My excuses are varied, multiple and quite lame. No time. No space. No thoughts. Nothing fresh. Nothing inspirational. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Who else feels this way in the depth of winter? The days are getting longer but have also been colder. January is speeding by but spring feels far off and illusive at the same time.

I long for what I don't have. Then I get it and squander it away.

I had holidays over the Christmas season and I let them slip through my fingers. I regretted making plans as soon as they were made and never really got past that. No one's fault but my own. I am accountable for my actions but I wasn't even finished my holiday and I was already longing for my next.

I read a book (two, actually!) this past weekend. One was a biography based on someone who survived and thrived after a stroke. As the story of this journey progressed back to a semblance of "the before", his "executive thinking" was compromised and he was completely content in this state of not planning, not doing and not caring about goals and achievements.

"That's me!!", I thought. My executive thinking powers are waning. When I am on vacation, I relax in the knowledge that it really doesn't matter. It's okay to squander the days because (here come the excuses) I have to work outside my home ten hours of every weekday. Poor me.

I console myself with the thought "whatever I accomplish will be enough". I accomplish very little. I am completely okay with that.

How many holidays would I need in order to find the energy, motivation and desire to do more than nothing?

That is an experiment I'm willing to take! In the meantime, I must (like everyone else in the world) get up, get dressed, get moving and get to work so I can come home, climb into my pajamas and turn off my brain.

This too, shall pass. The goal is to make the best of the winter days that are looming ahead.

Just keep swimming ...

P.S. See why I haven't been writing?