Don't Burst My Bubble!

I live in a nice little protective bubble.

I don't get the newspaper, I don't listen to the radio or watch the news on TV. The little snippets of news from the real world come to me via a few websites that I go through, to get to the word puzzles I enjoy or else retrieve my email. If the news headline isn't enough to grab my attention in those milliseconds before I head to the web page I'm after, I ignore it.

I get a little of my information about what is going on in the world around me, by the people I talk to. Sure, it's just a little embarrassing when old news is new news to me ... but I really don't care.

The doom and gloom of world events doesn't play havoc with my day to day living.

The only government policies that I concern myself with, are those in the running of my home and raising my family. I figure that if I can keep the peace within our four walls and lead by example, my children will spread 'the word' in their world. If every single person in this world lived a quiet, peaceful and serene existence within their home, doesn't it seem likely that our neighborhoods, our cities, our countries and our world would follow suit?

Depression, recession, bust and boom economies. I have lived my entire adult life managing my own personal economy. I've rallied through depressions and came out the other side. I have coasted through booming times. I spent a great part of my life being financially smart - I saved for retirement, ensured I had enough life insurance in case of my early demise, I struggled to pay as much as possible on my home to pay it off expediently so that I could start spending after the house was paid off. I was not living in the present. I was covering all of my bases, but my present day life was all about sacrificing for the future. A future we are not guaranteed.

I found out that living for today, while being mindful of the future is the way to live for me. I used my retirement savings to help fund a change of career and I shingled our house and garage. 'My future' became my present. And it was worth every penny.

I have contingency plans, I am a hard worker who will do whatever it takes to keep the bills paid and I have no debts other than my mortgage (and now a student loan). I'm not rolling in money, but we live a comfortable existence. As long as I don't worry about the state of the world economy, I am quite content to keep following the path I'm on. A path that is paved with a good work ethic and personal financial responsibility.

It seems that my personal economic state is being challenged a lot these days. I'll be confronted with a financial crisis on one hand ... then the crisis will be averted by a boon on the other hand. Small adjustments, tweaks and balances have kept my bank book in check. It has kept me mindful that nothing is a certainty these days. I keep my mind open to the possibility of needing to continue to adapt to this new world that I'm carving out for myself.

I was marvelling at my coping ability and the uncanny knowledge that no matter what happens, it is going to be okay. I was laughing in the face of challenge and feeling pretty darn good about it. I just know that if Plan A doesn't work, I still have the rest of the alphabet to keep going through. One way or another I'll make the books balance and we'll come out on the sunny side of this economy.

Last night ... I turned on the radio. I was so excited to find an Internet 'Soft Rock' selection of radio stations a few nights ago. I thoroughly enjoyed the memories that surfaced when old songs played. The first radio station that I listened to had a minimal amount of chatter. But last night I decided to try a different channel. They talked.

Little news bites and wisdom from the experts on the best strategies to handle this recession. These are all things that I have heard before. But last night, in the face of another recent bounce-back-occasion as I continue to struggle with my financial choices of late ... I felt the outside world infringing on the state of contentment within my happy little bubble.

This is the reason that I don't invite The News into my world. I am well aware of my need to be cautious and plan for the future. I have financial strategies and back up plans continually floating through my mind. I know the economic state of the world is not in the best place right now. But I am mindful of my own personal economy and I know that I have the tools that I need, to endure.

I was angry that someone burst my bubble. But, in the light of day I still feel that everything is going to work out just the way it is supposed to be. That may not be the way I'm planning ... but it will be the for the best. No matter what.

I'm patching up my little bubble with a renewed sense of needing to be mindful of what is going on in the world outside of my home. I still say everything starts from within ... and I'm going to make the best of the situation that I have at hand.

The Luckiest Person Alive

I walked away from the computer after I posted my last blog "Hair and Make-Up ..." and I thought to myself:
"If that is my biggest problem ... I am the luckiest person in the world."

With all of the things there are to worry about in our world, I should (and do) consider myself very fortunate to be in a place where I can afford to waste my time fretting about things that really don't matter.

I am blessed. And I know it.

Hair and Make-Up and All That Stuff

As I mentally try to remember all that I need to do to prepare for this upcoming dance competition, I start to go a little squirrelly when I think about the grooming part of the equation.

Fake nails are the way to go. Despite the fact that it has been two months since my last ordeal with them and they all but destroyed my real nails ... it is the one thing that I won't have to worry about.

Then there is the hair. I've spent the better part of the year outgrowing some very bad hair cuts. My hair is now long enough to have some choices as to how to style it. And what has the suggestion been? Short and sassy. The Dorothy Hamil look. It's a look that I always aspired to have. It's a look that I have asked for on numerous occasions. Short and sassy ... I like that. Then, I come out of the hairdressers looking like ... me. It disappoints me every time.

Then my hair color. Lots of words tossed in my direction but the ones that stuck in my mind, are that you don't want to blend in when you are on a competitive dance floor. Mousy brown is probably out. My present hair color sounds like it is too dark. Highlights. Lots of highlights. Okay ... I'll cross my fingers and hope that between my comprehension of what was said and my hairdresser's talent, we get it right.

Make-up. My dramatic, over-the-top make-up look is ... everyday stuff for most people. I attended a make-up workshop that one of the dance pros put on for us after a dance showcase. It's a lot about contours, eyes and eyebrows. Fake eyelashes are common place, but despite many determined attempts, I have never managed to hone the skill of gluing fake body hairs onto my eyelids.

And there is the tanning. You don't want to have lily white skin on the dance floor. I usually buy some fake tanning cream and spend a few nights prior to a dance showcase trying to darken my skin tone. But this time, I will be away from home, sharing a hotel room and working within the restrictions of what sizes and amounts of lotions, liquids, etc. that I can bring on a plane. The self-tanning process is tedious and I can't quite imagine squeezing in this 'process' while I'm on the vacation-of-my-lifetime-so-far. I'll have to check the alternatives ...

This aging process takes away some of the ease in which one prepares for something like this. There was a time (that I thought may last forever) when I looked in the mirror and a youthful reflection looked back at me. Now ... I see crevices forming around my mouth, bad hair and facial features that fade into oblivion unless I dress them up with some kind of pencil or mascara.

What is happening to me?? I still feel like I'm 27 (or my early 30's, at worst)! Who the heck is living on the other side of my mirror?

I have always wanted to be like the Noxema Girl. The wholesome girl-next-door. I want to wake up in the morning with that fresh and unpainted Noxema Look ... with my Dorothy Hamil hair and be ready to face the day without 'hair and make-up' before I even walk into the kitchen in my own home!

The primping required for these dance events always drives me crazy. I'm grateful for fake nails. How about fake hair and face? Hey Noxema, what miracles do you have within your jars of cold cream these days?

Off and Running

As much as I didn't feel ready to face up to the world yesterday ... I did it anyway.

My mind is busy, busy, busy with all the little things that I must tend to for this upcoming dance competition.

My ball gown is dropped off and getting a new zipper. Extra dance lessons have been booked (I was working on my sleep deprived brain and forgot to multiply by two to come up with the hourly rate - I have booked hour long lessons instead of my usual half hour lessons for the next month, so I owe some big bucks there ... but that's okay). New shoes have been ordered (with a half inch shorter heel and exactly the same style of shoes I've been dancing in for the past decade or so, so my feet should be happy). We talked about my hair (I'll be off to my favorite hair dresser with pictures in tow very soon). I still have one more costume to figure out. Oh, and I must pay for all of the above.

But other than that ... all I have to do is learn, practise and dance! Yee haw!!

School was very painful for me yesterday. I was exhausted beyond words. Tiredness and sitting still are not a good combination for me. I thought I'd cut my day short so that I could face my work at home ... except there was a large group of new students getting signed in on the computer that I must use to sign out. So I waited. The noise from this large (it felt like at least 20 loud adults) group was so distracting that the last hour of my day was a complete and utter waste. I just wanted to go home.

Once I did return home, the book keeping part of my day was ready and waiting. Work that I hadn't finished off during my holidays. And more work en route.

I had the kitchen table literally covered with invoices that I was ticking off to year-old statements. I had a small pile of questions to ask my employer. I had to leave for my dance lesson in a half hour and I hadn't rounded up any supper for My Youngest. Then another box of work got dropped off (statements - a time sensitive task which cannot be delayed) ... and my Second Son was excitedly telling me of his upcoming holiday plans right in the middle of this chaos in my mind, the kitchen, the living room and my evening.

My head was all over the map. I needed to feed My Youngest before I ran out the door ... I had to find some semblance of order in the chaos on the kitchen table ... I had more work to do when I returned home. Aaack!

But ... I was going dancing. I remained somewhat calm (my Second Son is probably hurt because his exciting holiday plans were glossed over in this turmoil in my brain). I skipped supper. But I danced.

Dancing. It makes a stressed out day so much more bearable. And the bonus?? I have 2, one hour dance lessons to anticipate each week for the next month.

It's going to be a busy month. But it's going to be fun!

So This is the Problem ...

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry."
~Gloria Steinem

I guess I'm so content within myself, that I'm not looking for anything more.
~Me

Let's Play Hooky!

By 7:00 this morning, I had talked to each one of my children. We are in 100% agreement that we would like to play hooky from work &/or school today.

I offered to pick up my vacationing offspring from the airport bright and early this morning. I woke up in the middle of the night and never went back into a deep sleep. I feel like I have been awake since 3:30 am (but I'm sure that I dozed off for at least an hour). When I finally got mobile this morning, I felt physically ill. I wondered if I could have caught the 24 hour flu bug that my brother just suffered through (but he lives over 500 km away and we haven't been in contact with each other for almost 2 weeks, so I would have had to catch his virus through his email ... highly unlikely). I didn't want to face this day.

My First Son arrived home from his one week vacation-in-the-sun at 4:50 this morning. I got to hear his enthusiastic review of his holiday before he even changed out of his summer attire. By the time he made it through airport security and arrived home, he had ten minutes to spare if he was going to make it to work on time. He didn't feel like going.

My Second Son and I chatted as I absorbed my second cup of caffeine and he was completely disoriented when his alarm went off this morning. He has been working long, hard hours lately and enjoyed four entire days off of work this New Years long weekend. His work day wasn't quite mapped out before him as he left for work ... but he too, felt like taking one more day off.

My Third Son started his rant just before he went to sleep last night. He wants to do his school work from home. He hears how I can work at my own pace at school, set my own goals/test dates and work at whatever speed I want. That is what he wants too. He is fortunate enough to find school easy, so he breezes through his work (he tells me he is a multitasker) and waits for the rest of the class to catch up. So ... when he got up this morning, he reiterated that he really didn't want to go to school. I told him that he was too young to quit school and that none of us wanted to go to work or school this morning. But we are going anyway.

Oh, how tempting it would be to wave my motherly magic wand and grant each one of us a day off, to play hooky. We could go out for breakfast ... hear about My Oldest's vacation ... and My Second Son's plans for his upcoming vacation. We could just hang out for a while, as the rest of the world spun along happily without us.

We could do that. We we aren't.

The real world awaits ... whether we are ready for it or not.

One Day at a Time

Easy does it.

One day at a time.

Keep it simple.

Let go and let God.

Think.

How important is it?

Just for today.

First things first.

It has probably been around 25 years ago since I last attended an AlAnon meeting. The little pearls of wisdom that I learned in those meetings have resonated within me through out the past quarter of a century. And it seems they've risen to the top of my consciousness a lot this past week.

I was having a conversation with My Oldest last week about faith. He is curious and interested in learning about religion.

It was my intent to expose my children to religious beliefs and let them decide what they believed. I let the Catholic school system provide some of that knowledge to my second and third child ... but my first born didn't have that exposure. He is now searching. So I told him of some of my spiritual beliefs.

Even though I don't follow a formal religion, I have an internal moral code that I live by. And I have Faith. I can remember being told: If every single person followed the Golden Rule - 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you', our world would be idyllic. So I do my best to live by that one Rule.

AlAnon's take on religion is that we should believe in a 'higher power'. What or whom different people choose as that power is an individual choice. But the key is to believe in a power greater than yourself.

Sometimes you just have to 'Let Go and Let God' ... let go of a situation that you have no control over and let a power greater than yourself guide you through.

This year, I know many people that struggled through this holiday season. I think that my compassion for those that are going through the paces of the season tempered my own gaiety this season.

Birthdays, Christmas, New Year's celebrations are so hyped up. When in reality ... they are just another day.

For those who are grieving or consumed with a reality that doesn't fit the confines of 'Merry' 'Happy' and 'Joyous' holiday greetings, it tends to magnify whatever is going on in their world. Granted, it magnifies the good. But really ... why can't we just celebrate each day as it unfolds? Why do we need Hallmark greeting cards to dictate the occasions we observe?

I have wandered through the blogs that I visit on a regular basis to find many New Year thoughts and reflections. What I am feeling within me doesn't fit the mold this year.

Whether a person is overcome with happiness or sorrow, my words on this non-occasion are: Take it 'One Day at a Time'.

As I wrote in an email this morning: "To heck with Merry Christmases and Happy New Years ... may this day be better than yesterday ... savor each and every moment!!"

My heart is feeling the sorrow of those that I know ... and those that I don't know. While the words within me are many, I think it is best to let AlAnon put this to rest in the best way that I can think of:

"God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference."