Not the Day I Had Hoped For …

I had great hopes for today. Even though it didn’t look like the day was going to go as I had hoped for, I still had this feeling it could change in an instant.

My mom arrived by bus last night. Yes … my mom. The ‘mom’ that I was so worried about only two short months ago. Coming out for a few family celebrations … just as she has done numerous times before.

Did I want to take the day off today and celebrate the fact that Mom was here? You bet! Did I ask? I sure did. Was my wish granted? No. But I thought maybe things could change if I worked real hard and put in an extra effort. It didn’t happen.

I thought that perhaps my Second Son would have the day off and have time to leisurely take Mom to her sisters. Nope. My Son had a full day ahead of him and wanted to get an early start. It wasn’t going to happen.

I called my boss at home, to ask if it was okay if I came in a little late so that I could drive Mom to her sisters. No answer and she didn’t return my message.

A half hour later, I called work to talk to her there. She wasn’t there either. I left a message. And I waited.

In the mean time, My Youngest came down with a stomach ailment this morning. One look at him and I knew that school was out of the question.

This meant that my option of leaving for work early to chauffeur Mom to the other side of the city and back to work would not work. I had to get my babysitting charge to school … so I had to wait until it was time for him to go to school before I could leave the house.

I was getting frustrated. I was still waiting for my boss to call me. For the past 13 years, I have been able to be home when my mom has come to visit. She didn’t much enjoy my house full of daycare children, so she didn’t stay any longer than necessary. But I could be here. Not today.

I wanted so badly to at least take the morning off of work so I could get Mom where she needed to be. I wanted to be home because My Youngest was sick. I wanted to have the ability to drive Mom out to my sister’s and not have to rely on my sister’s generosity and good nature to drive 1 ½ hours (again) to come and get Mom.

I wanted to be available to my family today. But I wasn’t.

My Second Son rose to the occasion and ended up driving Mom to her sister’s. I got to work on time. My Youngest slept all morning and was feeling better by supper.

I put in a full day’s work and I will be paid for my efforts. Had I been working from home, this day would have been a write off. I could have been where I wanted to be and doing what I wanted to do. But my work would have suffered. Payback would have occurred one way or the other – working through the night or simply not getting paid for work I didn’t do.

Everything turned out just fine in the end.

But it wasn’t the day I hoped for.

They Fit! They Still Fit!!

I have been afraid to try on my formal wear in preparation for my upcoming cruise (which is now nine short days away). But part of me was still counting on the special magical spell that has been cast upon that particular part of my wardrobe.

The formal attire that I own seems to have a little bit of magic woven into the fabric. Any time I need to wear these items, they somehow magically transform themselves so that they still fit me.

I have a pretty impressive formal wardrobe for a girl who hangs around in a diesel shop all day. My previous work-from-home-careers would lead one to believe that I would have a closet full of jeans and T-shirts. I don't.

Thankfully, I dance! Dancing has created a need for 'smart casual' attire. Our annual showcase has helped outfit my closet with a small selection of formal wear (not to mention a small array of ballgowns and slinky rhythm apparel).

I opened up my closet doors last night and was prepared for anything. How could my clothing possibly still fit after all of my overeating and lack of activity? I've been here before. So I tried again.

I felt like a little girl playing dress up ... with the clothes in my very own closet. I quickly accumulated the formal garb that I would require. Then I started playing around with the rest of my regular weekly dancing wardrobe. A few outdated glittery tops could work well as camisoles. And voila! I had created a brand new look with very old clothes.

I easily amassed seven evenings worth of "Smart Casual and Above" and "Formal" attire that I will require for our cruise.

It is the rest of my wardrobe that is lacking. The hanging around the ship and going on excursions wear. The day-to-day clothing I will need while we spend the last three to four days hanging out in Anchorage and finding our way home.

The wardrobe that doesn't expand and shrink with me. Denim is such an unforgiving fabric. Denim keeps me grounded. It tells me when I overeat. It is screaming at me to get active again. No give, no take. It is what it is. And my new body doesn't fit so well in my old denim. Sure, I can put it on and zip it up. But it isn't comfortable.

Yes, my formal wear still fits. It fit me 10 pounds ago. It probably looked a little better back then too. The only magic about those clothes is the elasticity of the fabric.

To keep the denim or to let it go, is the question. Denim is my reality check. It is what it is. Body size changes are easily measured when you wear denim. But every girl needs a part of her wardrobe that stretches the truth (aka: fabric) just a little bit.

As we change, grow and evolve as a person ... isn't it also part of the process for our bodies to change, grow and evolve? Isn't it only fitting for our wardrobe to reflect those changes and give us a little leeway? A little room to grow?

I'm grateful for my formal wear that has that little bit of pixie dust sprinkled into the weave of the fabric. A small bit of magic that makes me feel as young, vibrant (and thin) as I was when I first wore them.

My formal attire not only gives me room to grow. It gives me a little bit of room to dream.

New Technology

I am slowly finding my way around my new netbook. Different keyboard, slower speed, a very, very, very touchy laptop mouse and even though this should be a simple transition … it isn’t.

I am determined to make this work. I most definitely want to journal my way through my upcoming holiday and hopefully update my blog as I go along.

Who knows what the Internet connections may be like along the way. I have no control over that. Finding my way through this netbook should be the easy part.

This is a test. It is only a test. It is an experiment to see how Microsoft Word, photos, cut & paste and blogging go together.

Well ... all that didn't work was pasting the photo. Two out of three isn't bad ...

~ This blog post brought to you via my New Netbook ~

(I think my netbook needs a name ... any suggestions?)

Andre's New Room

All of our moving and shaking around here has created a spare room with an actual bed. Not a hide-a-bed. Not a futon. A bed!

I am so thrilled. My mom is coming and spending the night tomorrow. My brother and his wife are coming on Friday. And I have a real bed to offer them. Finally.

Except for one thing.

Andre seems to think that we created this bedroom for him. This is where I have found him in the morning:

He seems to have a look that is saying "What?!? Can't a guy catch a nap without an audience?"

~ This blog post delivered to you via my New Netbook ~

P.S. Yay!! I will be able to download and post photos of my holiday!!

Summer Sunshine

Oh, to wake up to the sun and blue sky! Summer is on its way.

My Youngest and I made an early morning trip to Walmart today. What did I notice and revel in as we made our way to our remote Walmart destination?

Clean streets. The street cleaners have been out in earnest. The main routes and residential areas (our street in particular) are looking so good now that they are minus the gravel and all that accumulates over the winter.

Green grass. It is everywhere! Even in our front yard (the back yard is plagued with the evidence that a female dog lives here). My Second Son has tidied up, raked, fertilized, aerated and even mowed the lawn already. It appears to be his mission to make our yard be the best it can be this year. Ahhh ... greenery.

Trees in bud. It won't be long. The trees will soon be as green as the grass. I'll bet one could sit back and almost watch it happen now. It is close.

It simply feels fresh and clean after a dirty, dusty, muddy spring. I love the freshness that is in the air.

A brand new season is dawning. Anything is possible.

A Blessed Mother's Day

I've been voicing my annoyance at this holiday this year. The commercialism involved in so many holidays brings out that side of me that becomes angry at these Hallmark Holidays that magnify whatever is going on in one's life.

These holiday celebrations are all good and fine when life is good. Or simply okay. But when a person has suffered an involuntary change in the status of their life-as-they-know it, these holidays magnify the loss of a life that they once had.

I called my mom on Saturday because I wanted to talk to her. I was annoyed at myself when I thought 'I should wait until tomorrow and call her on Mother's Day instead'. So I picked up the phone and the first thing I did was tell her I didn't want any Hallmark holiday telling me what day to call her.

I had mailed a Mother's Day card to her on Tuesday ... but she didn't receive that last week. Our family pitched in together and purchased a gift for her which was due to arrive late April, but we found out last week that it was scheduled to arrive the Friday preceding Mother's Day. And she didn't receive that parcel in time either.

We adhered to the 'rules' of the day and life had other plans. Pretty minor in the scheme of things.

I couldn't help but think of My Friend, whose eyes welled up for a moment when she told me that she was going to call her aunt on Sunday and wish her a Happy Aunt's Day (since she couldn't call her own mom). She planned to take a quiet Sunday drive and visit the graves of her parents.

I wanted to lend her my mom. I was grateful for our family's connection ... where My Friend did have an opportunity to be surrounded by my mom and aunt (who were good friends of My Friend's Mom) and enveloped in a 'sense of family' at a gathering several months ago.

That moment ... the blink of that eye that contained an unshed tear ... made me sad.

In reality, I am also grateful for that day that acknowledges the Mom's of the World. Mom has told me that Mother's Day is one holiday that she does appreciate and enjoy. It is right and fitting to have a day that honors the selflessness of the Mom's everywhere.

I am beyond grateful that I have my mom to honor on this day. To be able to talk to her, write her, send her a card and know that she hears, reads and is able to accept these small tokens is a gift. A gift which I do not take lightly.

To those who have lost their moms ... to those whose family relationships do not fit within the norm of what we assume is 'happy' ... to those moms who have lost a child ... it is just another day. Another day that has the power to accentuate that, which you don't have.

It is my hope that those who fall in between the cracks of this Hallmark Holiday found their way through. May this day be one of silent tribute to a loved one ... a day to reflect on happier times ... a day to celebrate that you were the best mom, daughter or son that you knew how to be.

Sometimes all the love in the world doesn't make our life what we hoped it would be. Sometimes a little love goes a very long way.

I know that I am blessed beyond words. I have my mom. My adult children (as well as my soon-to-be-teenage son) are at a point in their lives where they openly show their gratitude for what I have tried to 'be' as a parent.

The thing that makes me blessed ... is that we don't need a holiday to tell us to do and say the deeds and words that portray our gratitude. We 'live' Mother's Day ... every day of the year. And for that, I am beyond grateful.

Little Things

Sometimes it is the simplest of things that can make all of the difference in the world.

Case in point - my hair.

I have been fighting with my hair for far too long. I'm fighting the current (my hair's natural waves) and I am losing an uphill battle.

Yesterday ... I tried parting my hair on the opposite side. Amazingly enough, it worked.

My mom recently tried sleeping on the opposite side, thinking that it was possible that would make her 'head thing' at night dissipate. Surprisingly enough, that worked too.

Why is it that sometimes the simple answers are so illusive?

If something isn't working for you ... try doing the opposite.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." ~ Albert Einstein