To Whom it May Concern;

First of all, I must tell you that I understand you more than I wish that I did.

The insecurities that you wear on your sleeve for all the world to see? I used to feel that way too. About everything. I broke apart every little piece of my life and looked at it under a microscope and I was insecure about everything. To this day, when I'm wading in new territory those insecurities envelope me for a while. I'm glad that it does. I appreciate being reminded that I am far from perfect, but I've grown enough to know that I can learn to adapt and be the best I can be.

Your need for affirmation? I used to crave that. I still need a little from time to time, but the craving has subsided. I have learned to be good to myself and and allowed myself to feel good about myself. Other people's opinions are not always able to carry you through. When you learn self affirmation, you become less dependent on others. Being the best you can be should always be good enough.

Your desire for perfection? Oh, how I struggle with that one. I can remember the first time I lamented aloud, "I just want to be ... perfect". Perfect so that no one can point at me and laugh ... or put me down ... or talk behind my back ... or fire me ... or realize that I am only human and I do make mistakes. I still desire perfection. But what I've learned, is how much is to be gained by making mistakes along the way. Mistakes are simply an opportunity to learn. And grow. As much as I hate making mistakes, I know if I am patient and observant I will see how much I've gained by taking the wrong way the first time around.

Your unbridled nervous energy? Been there. Done that. Still do that. When I get in an excitable state, I annoy myself. It's almost uncontrollable some times. I do my best to channel my nerves in a positive way and I like to call it being 'bubbly'. But to those who must endure, I think it can be annoying. I try very hard to be aware of my energy and how it is affecting those around me. There are times when I wake up with a verbal hangover the next morning. All the things I said that I feel that I must make amends for. I'm doing my best. I understand where you are coming from.

Your thoughts that bounce around the room like a 'super ball'? I still visit that place ... a lot. I can't complete thoughts or sentences. I talk so fast that no one can understand me. I don't make sense. My thoughts are moving faster than my mouth at times. I can almost see your thoughts bounce around the room at times. I understand.

You are far too hard on yourself! I can see this trait in myself to this very day. Most prevalent on the 'mornings after', when I'm suffering from that verbal hangover. I have choices. I can accept and forgive myself. If I can't do that, I can make amends and try to undo the damage I feel so guilty about. It is so important to learn not to 'beat yourself up'. Because if you berate yourself, you will find that you attract people into your life that help you live up to that belief. People treat you as good as you treat yourself.

I've heard you open the door to your private world only a few times. When you are quiet and honest, I hear pain. It is my feeling that your outward actions are masking a lot of your inner agony. Perhaps it is the only safe outlet you have. You talk so little about the 'real' you, that I think there is much more than anyone could ever guess that lies beneath the surface.

They say that still waters run deep ... but so do rapid currents.

But you are hurting people in the 'community' we share. I am quietly standing by and absorbing this. I want to help but it is not my place. You haven't hurt me personally, but I'm hurting on behalf of others. You haven't approached me, but if you did I would listen. I would like to know what is really going on underneath the persona that you portray to the world.

I've walked a path that may be parallel to yours. There are times that I put up walls to protect all that I have built. I believe that you feel you can't penetrate my walls. Not in a 'needy' way.

I will not allow someone to come and 'bleed me dry'. But I can and will be a friend. I will listen.

You have approached me and I have responded with words from my experience. I always encourage you to look within for your happiness ... to acknowledge your talents ... to believe in your own decisions ... and to trust those who know more. These are not the answers you are looking for. So you keep me at a distance.

If you find your security and contentment from within, no one can (or should) take that away from you. Believe in yourself and the world will believe ...

If you came to me, this would be what I would tell you:

You must be kind to yourself and kind to those who touch your world.

You must be open to listen to others and accept that sometimes you just have to trust someone else's opinions. Sometimes in life, we are the teacher. Other times, we are the student. We have to be willing to be open enough to allow ourselves to grow.

If nothing else, simply live by the Golden Rule. 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' If you lived by this one rule, you would gain so much. When I hear you talk unkindly about anyone, I hurt for them. How would you feel if they were talking badly about you?

I forgive you for all of this. Because I believe there is much that lies beneath the surface.

From,
Someone Who's Been There