Stuck in the Middle

Of all of the 'people I wanted to be when I grew up', the one that seems to keep coming back to me is that of becoming a mediator.

I thought that I could be good at that occupation because I am can be a good listener. I used to listen more than I talked. Now that I've taken up being a bit of a chatterbox, I question my listening abilities. But really, on the whole? I still think I have the ability to hear beyond the words being spoken.

In almost every situation, I feel that I can relate to both sides. There are two sides to every story. Even if one side doesn't appear to have as much going for them, there is usually an emotional undercurrent that is propelling the actions that are under dispute.

Most people simply need to be heard. They need/want the other party to consider their thoughts and feelings. Putting a voice to your emotions in a non-confrontational way isn't easy. When that voice is stifled, the message becomes garbled. It can come out in destructive ways.

I believe people fall back into old habits when they are under attack. The quiet get quieter. The talkers get more verbal. The dominant become overbearing. The insecure may withdraw within themselves ... put others down ... pump themselves up ... or draw attention to themselves in ways that they have always, subconsciously done.

I have been on the sidelines of more than one situation, where one party simply wants to be heard. They have been 'shut out' in one fashion or another and they desperately want the other to party listen.

I have been on the outside, the inside and in the middle of some of these scenarios. As a rule, I am either on the outside or I am one of the parties in question. I have had one party come to me. I've listened. I've played the devil's advocate and tried to voice the other party's side of the story. I have been sorely tempted to approach the 'other party' but have talked myself out of it. It is not my place. If I haven't been invited 'to the party' by both involved, my purpose is to listen.

Then there is the occasion where both sides have approached me independently. I'm hearing both sides. I understand and relate to both parties. I see where the 'behaviour in question' is rooted. I see why things appear to be escalating. There is a bridge that needs to be built, so that both parties can feel heard. Am I to be that bridge?? Or am I to take a step away from the entire situation and let things happen as they may?

I don't have formal training to guide me. I have only common sense and apparently, I must (??) be approachable since I seem to be 'hearing' more than I need to hear. I am not prying information out of these people. They are telling me. This is truly none of my business.

At the moment, I simply feel stuck in the middle. I am uncertain if this is the beginning, middle or end of the situation-at-hand. I will not force myself or my opinions onto anyone. But it is my hope that if I continue to be the middle-man, that I will not make matters worse ... and guide each party towards direct communication between the parties involved.

I'd like to step out of the middle and back onto the sidelines where I will forget everything that I have been told. My vow of secrecy is aided with my tendency to forgetfulness. Your secrets are safe with me (because I'll never remember them!).

Maybe my current discontentment with my work situation is because I am not in a job that fuels my passions. Maybe I am meant to be 'stuck in the middle' .....