Who Am I?

I woke up this morning thinking "Who am I??"

The first words that came to me were mom, daughter, sister, friend .... The words all described who I am to other people. Not who I really am.

So I thought a little harder. I would also say that I write. But where have I been writing? My blogs, The Book, letters, notes and cards. I am writing for other people. What do I write just for me?

Do I really need the feedback from other people to keep moving in a forward direction?? Would I be okay if I was isolated from the world and had only a pen and paper as my companion?

I think I would. I have journaled my uncensored thoughts for my entire life. It started out by scrawling "I HATE (my brother)" on the blackboard, downstairs in our duplex when I was 10ish years old. I remember the emotion that came out of my being when I (probably) broke the chalk in my frustration (point of interest ... I don't hate him any more).

I wrote letters (again ... the 'audience' I was talking about before) to my old friends when we moved to Edmonton when I was 9. I wrote in a diary. I wrote down my many thoughts as I faced parenthood at age 17. I journaled my emotions after I moved my young family out here when I was 27, when I faced a frightening health concern alone at age 37 and then again as I went through the discovery that I was pregnant and on my own again. I wrote out my emotions as I tried to sort through the chaos last year at age 47 ... (my 10 year cycles).

I am a writer. I write for myself. And if someone else can benefit from my words, I try to share them. I write.

I also sing and I dance.

I sing 'just for me'. Lately, I only dance with my instructor ... but I do love to dance when I am asked ... I used to dance around the house (I want to do that again!). My fingers tap out a tune when there is silence around me. I do this constantly and unconsciously. Music is a part of my soul.

I am at my best when these creative sides to myself are being nurtured. It seems that the last week or so the creative juices have stopped flowing. I felt a little lost.

I'm on my way back.