Ho! Ho! Ho! (and all that crap)

I just can't make myself merry this year.

I'm going through the paces and there is absolutely no reason in the world that I should have a minor case of the blues. But I do.

I have finished all of my Christmas cards except for the cards that I write for the families that I babysit. I always save those for last because I need all of my Christmas cheer in its fullest force to write those cards.

I like for those cards to be like a cheery report card. Little anecdotes and thoughts about the kids that mark the year's accomplishments and milestones.

This year, I've got nothin' (yes, I passed my grammar exam ... and that sentence would fail me in a flash ... but that - like the title of this blog - is how I feel).

I'm on empty when it comes to the kids this year.

When I had kids around me morning, noon and night (or so it felt), there were lots of challenges. It was taxing and wore me out on many levels. But at the end of the day, I could usually sit down at our daycare blog and write something positive about the day.

When Christmas time came, I would scratch my head, trying to figure out how to make our annual yearbook unique from the years prior. It became harder each year but when I finally put a glow on our daycare world (my world), the Christmas season was officially launched.

This year, I have one child that comes regularly before and after school. I have five other children that come and go, but most of them are here for an average of 45 minutes at a time on a sporadic basis. I simply cannot unearth any heartwarming stories or thoughts about my kids this year.

It's sad.

I am forging into a world of numbers and repetitive tasks, as I educate myself in a manner in which I should be able to do more of this work. Kids are frustrating. Numbers are boring. The flip side of the frustration levels is that there were moments of amusement, pleasure and accomplishment. The flip side of the boredom is only relief when the job is done.

I can't believe I'm saying this ... but I miss my old life.

Christmas time is magical, when you are in it for the kids. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" feels like "Ho! Hum!" this year. I seem to have lost my sense of jolly ... and it may have something to do with the lack of kids in my life.

Who knew??