Quiet

It's a rare thing. But every once in a while ... I am quiet.

I've become a chatty little thing. I chatter incessantly.

If I'm happy, the words fall out of me with abandon. If I'm upset, I speak the words in my head to stop the unending cycle of repetitive thoughts in my mind. If I'm angry, I vent. If I'm frustrated, I tend to verbalize a lot until the mystery of my mind is solved. If I'm bored, I talk. If I'm lonely, I look for someone to visit. If I'm feeling sociable, the words are unending. Then, when I'm tired ... I sleep.

But every once in a blue moon ... I am quiet. I had such a day last week.

My Second Son was perplexed. I always talk. But this day? He asked me a question and I answered in as few words as possible. He asked what was wrong. My reply? "I just feel quiet today. It happens."

He was on to a little more than I let on. But talking wasn't the answer that day.

I simply didn't feel 'myself'. And I had little desire to encourage that behaviour by bringing it out of the closet and talking about it.

I felt uncertain and a little bit lost at that moment. Just little things. Wishing I knew all of the answers. Angry at myself for losing my momentum - my motivation. I felt uninspired and lazy. Overwhelmed at some of the projects I have taken on. But mostly frustrated with myself. Nothing and no one else. Just me.

I didn't want a pep talk from an outside source to get me through the moment. I knew it had to come from within.

So I was quiet.

I woke up yesterday morning and I felt revived again. Ready to start the process of taking the necessary steps to move in a forward direction.

I sat still with my coffee and this empty blog before me this morning and felt a little bit of what I was feeling last week. I just wanted to curl up in a little ball (like our cat), bury my head in my hands and be invisible. And quiet.

That isn't the answer. It's a brand new week and even if I don't feel up to running a marathon this week, I can keep taking small, consistent and steps to propel me forward. Out of the quiet and into the real world.

We all need to be quiet with ourselves every now and again. I find a sense of being reborn after pushing through times of insecurity and doubt. The key is to keep taking forward steps. They may be small. They may not get you to your destination as fast as you wish. But as long as you are taking steps in a forward direction, you will move out of the 'quiet' and back towards the light ... and the life you aspire to live.