Change

The more things change ... the more I remember how much I don't enjoy the transition.

When we had to get a new hard drive on the computer a few weeks ago, it took me three hours to get things back to where they were before our computer breakdown. There are still a few things that I can't get back to normal and it's slightly annoying to me.

We replaced our dryer last week. We ended up getting one with the lint tray on the top of the dryer. I hate it. It's messy, awkward and annoying. I liked our old dryer.

Then the slide out drawer on our computer desk broke. I could have easily lived with the desk as it was, but my kind son replaced it yesterday. It's a beautiful desk and I'm quite certain that if I'd been the one out shopping, that it is one that I would have chosen. But it doesn't have a drawer or a few of the handy dandy features of our old one. I like it. But I liked the old one better.

Work. I can't even go there. Expectations changed without warning. I am struggling through and trying to find the silver lining. But I liked it the way it was before. Lack of hours or not ... it was something that I could deal with, when I was working out of my home. If I must work outside of these four walls, this is not a place that I would choose to work.

Overall, life-as-I-know it is very good. I see the possibility of that changing and it frightens me. I hope that the fear doesn't sabotage the potential for what lies ahead. I will breathe deeply, tread slowly, talk my way through this ... and see where it goes.

Then there is my mom. My strong, vital, healthy, feisty mom. Her health is a great concern to us right now. I told my sister "It is different this time". I tried to talk myself out of it but I couldn't. Emotions overwhelmed and enveloped me at the thought of what lies ahead.

I reread yesterday's post at the end of my day and it left me feeling quite unsettled. "Whether it is good or bad ... surprise me. I'm ready. Bring it on!!"

I lied. I'm not ready. I'm packed and ready to go at a moment's notice. But I'm not ready.

Change is inevitable. The transition period is tough. Usually the end result is worth the struggle. But sometimes ... I just want to fix what works for me and forge ahead with new 30 day guarantee ... renew and replace as necessary. But please don't take away what works for me.