Just For Today ...

Is it too much to hope that today is quiet and uneventful? That I don't get called into work? Is it thoughts like these that continue to prevent me from putting in full time hours??

I'm not loving my job. Most especially when I am not working from home and it feels like I am being a bother, continually asking for more work.

I have shredded paper (about a four hour job - there was so much); I have put three baskets of papers in numerical order; I have gone through the archives and pulled out 'yellow copies' of memos and filed those in order; I have sorted through the excesses of a filing cabinet, sorted, organized and made file folders with tabs; and other equally mundane jobs.

I don't feel like I'm making a difference. I feel like I am a pain in the neck. Always asking for/needing work. All that I ask for, is to have a roster of responsibilities which I could handle on my own without being spoon fed - one, small portion at a time.

At least when I'm working for this company out of my home, I don't feel like I am a looming 'presence' and an annoyance. I work at my own pace, get the work done, listen to my music as I deal with the monotony of the task at hand. Yesterday I asked if they minded if I listened to music while I worked. The answer? "As long as we can't hear it" (I work upstairs with the furnace, spare parts and storage). I feel like an inadequate child in their presence. I'm not loving the sensation.

Three months. I will reassess this situation in three months. After I am home from my holiday. After I have cleared some of the things-I-want-to-do in my life. Things that I do have time to do, because of the irregularity of my work hours.

Today? I just want to stay home. I have a few hours worth of work to clean up. I can double check and send off our income tax returns. I need to buy groceries. I'd love to pick up the phone and call my sister. My feet are a mess and I am hoping that I can be squeezed in at the podiatrist's office.

Just for today. Can I hope for idleness so that I can tend to the loose ends in my life? Not tomorrow and the rest of the week &/or month. Just for today ...