Insecurities

They come up behind you and grab you when you aren't looking. You think you have thought things through and WHAM! There they are. Those pesky insecurities that you have been holding at bay.

I was keeping my thoughts in check. The reality is that everything in my life is well under control. Change is in the air ... but I am confident that no matter where things go from here, it will lead me to a better place. Even if the path is not straight and narrow.

Then I woke up this morning. Suddenly, my fears came right up behind me and grabbed me. They didn't let go.

My insecurities felt bigger than life. I was immobilized and didn't want to jump out of bed to greet the day.

I am taking steps towards redirecting my future. I have had time to weigh the pros and cons. I have had time to talk to people. I have had time to digest many of the possibilities. I have had time to allow the fear factor to seep into my thoughts.

Insecurities. Last night ... they found me. This morning ... they threatened to paralyze me. This afternoon, I reined in my fear, took forward steps and regained my confidence. And tonight? I feel as though I am back in the driver's seat of my life.

How does one know if a decision is a good one unless you allow yourself to feel the uncertainty? It is by weighing what could be gained against what you may lose, that the solution becomes clear.

To second guess oneself and come out feeling good about your choice ... is to look insecurity in the eye and say that there is no room for here for the 'two of us'. And I am staying.