How Much is Too Much?

A blog author that I follow has recently announced her and her husband's decision to end their marriage. This is an author that has written through the challenges that they lived as their child confronted and survived cancer. More recently we have walked with her through her own personal recovery of massive strokes which she was not expected to survive.

I wholeheartedly understand where she is coming from when she says to withhold this information (about her marriage), after her readers have been with her as she walked through some of her darkest days, would feel dishonest. I believe that she will never know the difference she has made in many people's lives because she has had the ability to put in words, what so many others are feeling.

In every post that I have read, I have felt her honesty. I have not felt her vying for pity in any way, shape or form. I cannot ever recall her blaming anyone or anything for her struggles. Writing is her way of dealing. I get that. Because I feel exactly the same way.

I have a few personal rules that I try to adhere to when I write in a public forum.

I make every attempt to write truthfully and in a way (that if I am referring to another party), that party should not take offense to what I have written. Maybe they wouldn't like what they are reading ... but I do not throw out accusations. So if they are squirming, it would be because they recognize a truth that is uncomfortable to confront.

I do not write about something when my emotions are raw. Recently I shocked those who know me best, when they had been following my blog looking for clues as to how things were going with a specific situation. And they didn't see it coming. I truly felt like a success as a 'blog author' when I didn't cross the line and bring my personal life into public view before I had the opportunity to rationalize the situation and write about it without the emotions that I felt at the time.

I write carefully when referring to those who touch my life. I am liberal with compliments and focus on the positive traits of those close to me. When it comes to my children, I withhold a lot of information.

At one time, I wrote about My Oldest and his comment to me was, "You put that out for all the world to see??" I immediately removed the post. Within a day, he asked me to repost it. I had told 'his story' in a way that he had never been able to talk about and he wanted to share that with those that he trusted. He has followed my blog (intermittently) ever since ...

My Second Son reads this blog on a relatively regular basis. I believe that my honesty has opened the door to many conversations that we may have never had otherwise. He has read little stories about life-that-preceded him (or his memories) and felt an emotional tug. He tells me when something I have written touches him (positively and negatively). And I listen.

My Youngest doesn't really care about my ramblings at this point of his life. But from time to time, I will write a little bit about him and show it to him. And he quietly smiles. Sometimes I think that he doesn't think that I 'get' him. Until he reads what I  have written. Then there is a little sigh of relief that is evident, as his demeanor changes and I get the feeling that he knows I am listening after all.

I write honestly about my life. I am who I am ... and I cannot undo the past. So I write about it. I have come to terms with it and I appreciate the value in the lessons learned from the challenges that I have overcome.

While I was living some of my 'darkest days', I felt very alone. Now that the emotions are not acute, I feel that there is value in writing about some of those days ... on the chance that it could help someone feel less alone and validated in the emotions that they are coping with.

I once commented on a post that another blogger wrote about. I was so grateful for a broader understanding and compassion that was one of those 'unresolved issues' of my past. Yes, it brought back an acuteness of emotion within me as I recognized a truth that I was too young and naive to understand at the time I was living it. I read and fully comprehended what she wrote when I was in a position to fully understand it. She apologized for unearthing those emotions. I thanked her for it. I read what I needed to read ... when I needed to read it.

And that ... is why I write so much.

I will continue to write what I feel, when it moves me. It never ceases to amaze me when someone comments on a blog that I just about didn't publish. My brain to fingertip connection has come up with some posts that I have questioned. My subconscious mind seems to come out in my writing. So I will keep following my own unwritten rules. But I will continue to write honestly.