Walking Through the Fire

I pushed myself out of the house tonight to attend to an evening sponsored by My Place of Employment.

I have over-committed myself lately and I have been allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by the unknowns of my future.

I let triggers of past events supersede common sense today and I came home with my confidence level at a (recent) all time low.

I had absolutely no desire to push myself into yet another new, uncomfortable experience tonight. Going to this event alone and walking into a room of 1,000 people to find my table and sit with the staff that I barely know was not exactly high on my wish list.

Yet ... I had a feeling that I would gain far much more by attending this event, than by staying home and retreating within myself.

And I was right.

The evening was perfection from the moment 'Go'!

I met up with someone I knew as I walked from my car to the event. It was so good to see a familiar face and we chatted easily as we walked several blocks to our destination.

Our staff was all sitting together at three separate tables. I was comfortable from the moment I sat down and conversation came easily.

Supper was divine. I don't relish the idea of fine dining and foods that I don't recognize. Our meal was simple (chicken and vegetables), yet elegant in the way it was presented. It tasted as good as it looked. The dessert ... was decadent!

Then came them moment we were all waiting for. Our keynote speaker. I hate to admit that I knew little (if anything) about our much anticipated speaker. He inspired me in ways I haven't been inspired for a very long time.

He stated simple facts. Yet they spoke to the heart and soul of me.

He talked of the basic needs of human beings. Once our basic needs have been met (food, shelter and clothing), we all have one universal need. We need to matter ...

As I have spent the better part of this year trying to find my way in this new career, I have felt lost. In my position as a substitute secretary, I have moved from location to location. I have not felt like I have made a difference. I have not felt grounded. I have felt 100% dispensable in my role. It has been very unsettling.

But the tides are turning. I have a half time position until the end of June. I will return to the same school 2.5 days out of 5 for the next two months.

I was invited to this event tonight by the principal of this school. I felt as though I sat among friends tonight. They have made me feel as though I mattered since the moment I walked through their doors two weeks ago.

This is a pivotal time in my new career. I have been given an opportunity. A chance to walk through the challenges that defeated me in the past and persevere.

It feels like I am walking through fire at times. I could get burned. But if I keep on walking and don't stop when the heat is on ... I will be okay.