My life is in a complete state of flux at the moment. I feel vulnerable, frightened, anxious ... yet hopeful. As I was trying to put words to the emotions I am feeling, I couldn't help but think of the four Seasons.
My work life is in the season of Spring. I have planted seeds, watered and done some weeding. From the surface, it looks as though nothing is growing. Do I resew or wait and hope that some of those seeds are simply taking root before signs of growth begin? I can't afford to simply sit back and do nothing. So I will leave the seeds in the hope of new life ... but I will continue to plant others. I will nurture what I have sewn but plant a back up crop.
My sense of family and friends are in the Summer of the year. In full bloom, basking in the sun and ripe with all that they have to offer. I may sit back and savor what has grown. I feel assured that I have a friend or family member to call on - to sit back and reflect on all that transpiring throughout the other the 'seasons' of our lives.
Fall represents 'my past'. I must shed what has come and gone through my life. Rake up the piles of excess and deal with the loss in the most healthy and ecological way that I know how. Compost and rebuild from the past. Discard the rest. And move on ...
Relationships with those of the male variety remain in the state of Winter. They have laid dormant for some time. From time to time I wonder 'why'. But with such a big part of my life presently in the season of Spring and all of the uncertainty that it has bred ... I know that I need to be more before I can be a part of a two way relationship. If I was to meet someone when I felt so vulnerable in such a vital part of my life, it would breed an unhealthy and unequal partnership. Winter is a necessary part of the life process. Time to rebuild from inner reserves. Time to rest. Time to process. Time to prepare for new growth ...
I am grateful that my transitions in life are represented in each of the four Seasons.
I am grateful to feel the continuing season of growth. Goals and aspirations keep me feeling alive and vital ... and the future hopeful.
I am blessed to bask in the abundance of life that previous seasons have provided. I have an abundance of intangible and immaterial wealth. I savor the season of reveling in the present.
I need to shed the remnants of the past that are not vital to my day to day living. To carry the excess is a burden. I am grateful for all that I have reaped and hope to be respectful with what has been shed.
I appreciate the dormancy which allows me time to regain what I need to learn to move forward. It may not be my favorite season, but it is a vital part of the process.
Like the seasons, each stage of life comes and goes. Like the rainbow which follows a rain ... it is a glimmer of the promise of what tomorrow will bring.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
But What if He Wasn't ....
I have a friend who has attained what I have only dreamed of. She has a healthy, supportive and strong relationship with her ex-husbands and their wives.
Her daughter got married this summer. She has been friendly with her ex-husband and his wife for a very long time. This hasn't been without its challenges, but she is a determined soul and she fights for what she believes in. She believes in friendship. She believes in doing what is best for her children.
She has always known that he is a good dad and despite their different methods of parenting and views from time to time, it became very obvious at their daughter's wedding that they each believe that the other party is a good parent - a good person. The entire family came out the other side of divorce and are friends. They embraced, they love each other ... when the song "It Looks Like We Made It" was played, they looked at each other and said "That song is for us ..."
Three weeks later, this same friend was off a family holiday with her husband and youngest son ... to visit her son's father. For a week.
The relationship between the son and father has been estranged. The marriage broke up when their son was about two years old. There were many, many issues which brought about the divorce. It was a very unhealthy situation and my friend had to resort to blocking her ex-husband from being able to contact her. From what was understood at the time, it was the only answer that could provide her and her family any peace.
Fast forward several years ... when my friend changed telephone providers and neglected to block her ex-husband's number immediately. He called.
The past two years have been a process. A process that was complete (yet only just beginning) this summer when father and son (and ex-husband, ex-wife and all of their spouses) were reunited. It was a success on every level. The comment that my friend's husband told her ex was "I didn't think that I would like you ... but I do!" The feeling was reciprocated by all four parties. Then there was the father and son ...
My friend's son was not raised by his father. He didn't know his father. Yet mannerisms, looks, ways of thinking, behaviours ... you name it ... he is his father's son. There was a sense of coming home. Of belonging. Of knowing his father. This reunion completely transformed my friend's son. He is completely at peace.
His dad is a good guy. He thought his dad was a bad guy. He knew that his dad was a part of him. And if his dad was a bad guy ... so was he. But he's not. He's a good dad. He's a good human being. Knowing that his dad is a good guy has given the son permission to believe that he is a good guy.
My heart is so happy for my friend. She has attained what I only dreamed of. I told her this. Her story has such a good ending (really, a beginning).
But what if the dad wasn't such a good guy?? My heart aches for those who don't have that sense of peace ...
Her daughter got married this summer. She has been friendly with her ex-husband and his wife for a very long time. This hasn't been without its challenges, but she is a determined soul and she fights for what she believes in. She believes in friendship. She believes in doing what is best for her children.
She has always known that he is a good dad and despite their different methods of parenting and views from time to time, it became very obvious at their daughter's wedding that they each believe that the other party is a good parent - a good person. The entire family came out the other side of divorce and are friends. They embraced, they love each other ... when the song "It Looks Like We Made It" was played, they looked at each other and said "That song is for us ..."
Three weeks later, this same friend was off a family holiday with her husband and youngest son ... to visit her son's father. For a week.
The relationship between the son and father has been estranged. The marriage broke up when their son was about two years old. There were many, many issues which brought about the divorce. It was a very unhealthy situation and my friend had to resort to blocking her ex-husband from being able to contact her. From what was understood at the time, it was the only answer that could provide her and her family any peace.
Fast forward several years ... when my friend changed telephone providers and neglected to block her ex-husband's number immediately. He called.
The past two years have been a process. A process that was complete (yet only just beginning) this summer when father and son (and ex-husband, ex-wife and all of their spouses) were reunited. It was a success on every level. The comment that my friend's husband told her ex was "I didn't think that I would like you ... but I do!" The feeling was reciprocated by all four parties. Then there was the father and son ...
My friend's son was not raised by his father. He didn't know his father. Yet mannerisms, looks, ways of thinking, behaviours ... you name it ... he is his father's son. There was a sense of coming home. Of belonging. Of knowing his father. This reunion completely transformed my friend's son. He is completely at peace.
His dad is a good guy. He thought his dad was a bad guy. He knew that his dad was a part of him. And if his dad was a bad guy ... so was he. But he's not. He's a good dad. He's a good human being. Knowing that his dad is a good guy has given the son permission to believe that he is a good guy.
My heart is so happy for my friend. She has attained what I only dreamed of. I told her this. Her story has such a good ending (really, a beginning).
But what if the dad wasn't such a good guy?? My heart aches for those who don't have that sense of peace ...
Friday, August 5, 2011
Questions, Questions, Questions
Questions at work ... questions about my future ... I am second guessing and questioning myself at every turn lately.
I will be so grateful to move out of this doubtful phase and into the next. Certainly, the stage after this one will be better.
Conviction. That is what I'm aiming for. To make a decision and stick with it. Follow through and achieve.
One step at a time.
I will be so grateful to move out of this doubtful phase and into the next. Certainly, the stage after this one will be better.
Conviction. That is what I'm aiming for. To make a decision and stick with it. Follow through and achieve.
One step at a time.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Building a Foundation
"Everything you build starts with a foundation. This week, it seems to take forever to get that foundation set up. But these initial steps are so important that you should take all the time you need to do them correctly. Stay patient. Don't sully the process with frustration. Keep putting lovely feelings into the atmosphere." ~ My Horoscope for this week
A foundation. I'm building a foundation.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay patient. Lovely feelings.
I can do this. If this is what is required as the rest of my (work) life falls into place, I can do this.
A foundation. I'm building a foundation.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay patient. Lovely feelings.
I can do this. If this is what is required as the rest of my (work) life falls into place, I can do this.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Wordless Wednesday
My brain is all worn out after six hours at my new job.
All I have left to say is:
When you see a new cashier (or even an old one) struggling (with what appears to be easy, from your side of the counter) ... please be kind.
I hate being the new kid on the block. Thankfully, it doesn't last forever.
All I have left to say is:
When you see a new cashier (or even an old one) struggling (with what appears to be easy, from your side of the counter) ... please be kind.
I hate being the new kid on the block. Thankfully, it doesn't last forever.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Fresh Air, Sunshine ... and Exercise
It was a very outdoorsy kind of weekend.
Day #1 and 2 consisted of driving ... relaxing ... eating. Basically just sitting back and enjoying the view. Yesterday? Not so much.
Yesterday involved four hours of weed pulling. Four hours. Three small piles of weeds. Granted, some of those weeds had rooted themselves into the centre of the earth. But after all of that time, one would have assumed there would be more to show for your efforts.
Well? There was.
Despite the fact that I wore gardening gloves, there was dirt embedded under all of my fingernails. I wore sandals and I thought my feet may never come clean again. I felt so dirty, that the desire to hose myself off at the car wash was overwhelming.
Coming clean never felt so good.
The shower was immediate. Followed by a cool iced coffee and sustenance. Then came the pedicure and manicure.
I probably spent as many hours cleaning and polishing myself up, as I did picking weeds. My hands and feet were so happy, I swear that they were smiling.
My muscles had a work out. I basked in sunshine. I dug in the dirt. I worked. And it was good.
It was an absolutely perfect long weekend. Now ... it is back to reality.
I'm ready.
Day #1 and 2 consisted of driving ... relaxing ... eating. Basically just sitting back and enjoying the view. Yesterday? Not so much.
Yesterday involved four hours of weed pulling. Four hours. Three small piles of weeds. Granted, some of those weeds had rooted themselves into the centre of the earth. But after all of that time, one would have assumed there would be more to show for your efforts.
Well? There was.
Despite the fact that I wore gardening gloves, there was dirt embedded under all of my fingernails. I wore sandals and I thought my feet may never come clean again. I felt so dirty, that the desire to hose myself off at the car wash was overwhelming.
Coming clean never felt so good.
The shower was immediate. Followed by a cool iced coffee and sustenance. Then came the pedicure and manicure.
I probably spent as many hours cleaning and polishing myself up, as I did picking weeds. My hands and feet were so happy, I swear that they were smiling.
My muscles had a work out. I basked in sunshine. I dug in the dirt. I worked. And it was good.
It was an absolutely perfect long weekend. Now ... it is back to reality.
I'm ready.
Monday, August 1, 2011
A Down Home Country Weekend
It didn't happen by design ... but this weekend has been filled with country adventures.
It all started when a friend suggested that we spend Saturday afternoon driving down country roads of yesteryear. We ended up spending a quiet, nature filled afternoon at her uncle's farm.
We talked of the past, present and future. We wandered down what (used to be) a road to the farm she grew up on. Most of all ... we breathed in the fresh air, enjoyed a beautiful summer day, listened to the wind and took a step away from life.
Yesterday, my Second Son invited us out for brunch at his farm. His little family (his girlfriend and their two dogs) have been camping out at the farm all weekend.
We drove up to a cozy family setting and settled in to enjoy the moment. We ended up out at His Lake. Water levels are high this year and the slough on his property has grown to epic proportions.
I was too afraid of getting my feet dirty (or tipping over in the canoe), so My Youngest captured the essence of their canoe ride on video.
Here is a little peek at the view from The Lake:
It all started when a friend suggested that we spend Saturday afternoon driving down country roads of yesteryear. We ended up spending a quiet, nature filled afternoon at her uncle's farm.
We talked of the past, present and future. We wandered down what (used to be) a road to the farm she grew up on. Most of all ... we breathed in the fresh air, enjoyed a beautiful summer day, listened to the wind and took a step away from life.
Yesterday, my Second Son invited us out for brunch at his farm. His little family (his girlfriend and their two dogs) have been camping out at the farm all weekend.
We drove up to a cozy family setting and settled in to enjoy the moment. We ended up out at His Lake. Water levels are high this year and the slough on his property has grown to epic proportions.
I was too afraid of getting my feet dirty (or tipping over in the canoe), so My Youngest captured the essence of their canoe ride on video.
Here is a little peek at the view from The Lake:
Music by:
Alaskan String Band
"Farther On"
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