I am thinking that I am acting and feeling rather hypocritical about the whole 'birthday' thing ...
I have some relatives that don't celebrate birthdays because of their religious beliefs. I respect their choices and I really don't give it a second thought. In fact, I applaud their integrity because I think a well chosen card, letter, gift or phone call means a lot more when it comes out of the blue and not because you are doing it out of obligation. The older I get, the more I think that they really have it right. I try, in my own way to honor their way of thinking. To send off some 'words' when they come from the heart for no occasion is something I do. And my heart feels so good when I do it.
Yet I have other friends who truly honor other peoples birthdays and I believe when it comes to their birthday, it is a gift to be able to give a little of what they give to others all year, in 'honoring' them as well on their birthday.
I like to reciprocate the feeling of the individual, whether it is or is not in 'honoring the day'. .
Mom has one of those 'milestone birthdays' coming up and our family is planning a gathering and using her birthday as an opportunity to invite our family to enjoy the day with us. The true gift to Mom, is bring her family to her for the day. And in doing so, it was my greatest wish to have all of the family attend, despite the 'beliefs' they did or didn't hold.
And I tried what I could, but it isn't meant to be. I'm saddened but not disheartened. I admire the integrity of a person who stands strong behind what they believe in.
Which brings me back to the beginning ... am I the hypocritical one since I am so willing to go either way?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Revitalized Again
I seem to have one 'crash and burn' day a week, to allow my body and mind to catch up from 'where they've been' lately... And I'm ready to take on my world again this morning!
I love waking up, excited about the day and with positive, energizing thoughts wafting through my mind.
It seems that so much 'fuel' comes from my Mom lately. I have talked to her on the phone more this past month, than ever before ... And it feels like our 'energy' is contagious. What she gives to me, I return. We are volleying this enthusiasm back and forth and no one is dropping the ball.
The winter months (particularly January) seem to be the toughest months of the year to endure. I am now beginning to see why resolutions became a tradition. If ever you need a month to pull yourself up and 'do impossible things', the longest coldest month of the year is a good month to do it!
I have pulled myself so far out of my comfort zone this month it has had its frightening moments. And it never fails - just when I'm feeling exhausted, overwhelmed or becoming lackadaisical ... Mom will call. Coincidence? I like to think not. I like to think that we are part of a team and we are equal partners in this adventure called 'January'......
I love waking up, excited about the day and with positive, energizing thoughts wafting through my mind.
It seems that so much 'fuel' comes from my Mom lately. I have talked to her on the phone more this past month, than ever before ... And it feels like our 'energy' is contagious. What she gives to me, I return. We are volleying this enthusiasm back and forth and no one is dropping the ball.
The winter months (particularly January) seem to be the toughest months of the year to endure. I am now beginning to see why resolutions became a tradition. If ever you need a month to pull yourself up and 'do impossible things', the longest coldest month of the year is a good month to do it!
I have pulled myself so far out of my comfort zone this month it has had its frightening moments. And it never fails - just when I'm feeling exhausted, overwhelmed or becoming lackadaisical ... Mom will call. Coincidence? I like to think not. I like to think that we are part of a team and we are equal partners in this adventure called 'January'......
Monday, January 28, 2008
Out of Steam, Out of Words...
I'm simply wiped tonight.
After a busy, busy weekend ... and a busy, busy day today (no school; lots of kids; and a full cooking/baking agenda) ... I'm tuckered out.
And ... it feels wonderful. I just want to hibernate tonight and let all the good things of these past days sift to the top of my consciousness and just revel in them. Quietly. And cozily (I just tried cleaning up some of the shovelling outside but it's mighty brisk out there -43 degrees with the wind).
I'm really not sure why I stopped here to write. Just happy to be home and warm tonight. Just happy.....
After a busy, busy weekend ... and a busy, busy day today (no school; lots of kids; and a full cooking/baking agenda) ... I'm tuckered out.
And ... it feels wonderful. I just want to hibernate tonight and let all the good things of these past days sift to the top of my consciousness and just revel in them. Quietly. And cozily (I just tried cleaning up some of the shovelling outside but it's mighty brisk out there -43 degrees with the wind).
I'm really not sure why I stopped here to write. Just happy to be home and warm tonight. Just happy.....
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The Gift of a Day
If ever there was a day I would like to wrap up like a gift so I could reexperience it ... it would be today!! It has been a day like no other .....
I started out the morning like I always do and was feeling so lucky because I had 'the gift of time' on my hands before my scheduled trek out to Davidson for the quest for stories for my book project.
I thought I was in the right mindset to sit down and do 'an impossible thing' (see my blog "6 Impossible Things Before Lunch"). I have had words stirring in my mind for a long time - an email that I wanted to send to a friend that I have lost touch with (neglected perhaps?). This is a friend that is 'tied up' with my past, so it is trickier navigation at times as the past intermingles with the present and it is too easy to be hurt or unintentionally do hurtful things. Because I knew that fault lied with me, for not keeping in closer touch, it was hard to do. But by the time I sat down this morning, the words were all at my fingertips.
I no sooner got to the point in my email where I needed to take a step back from it and reread it in a different light, when I got a phone call from another 'friend of my past'. Again ... both of us in a vulnerable spot where one is easily offended or hurt. It is so sad when someone who used to be so close, becomes someone you almost need to keep a distance from, because of those wounds - either fresh or newly healed.
To make a long story short, I ended my morning with a good visit under my belt with both of these friends. One, in person ... the other via email (a rather one-sided visit there, but at least a beginning). 'The gift of friends'....
The next item on the agenda was to pick up my cousin and head out to her Mom's in Davidson to 'research' the family history book.
Well. This cousin is a breath of fresh air. Purely enjoyable to be around, visit with, laugh with, and reminisce with. Our trip there and back went so fast as we managed to do a 'lifetime' of catching up in less than 2 1/2 hours.
And the visit at my aunts, with another aunt that I'm certain that I've really never spoken to in my life (she was married to my Mom's younger brother that we didn't see alot, as I grew up) was absolutely ... a gift.
I have stepped completely out of my comfort zone to call these family members to suggest we collect up the family's memories to put into a book. And I was welcomed into their homes and collection of family stories like I was a long lost friend (instead of a timid niece that barely spoke as a child).
We laughed ... and we laughed ... and we laughed (the 'gift of laughter'). Reminiscing with this most amazing group of relatives was something to behold. The memories of a time long ago that was most definately a life filled with challenges were recalled with fondness (and even the ability to almost chuckle over the stories about the frozen indoor 'commode' ... details left best to the imagination).
I hope that I am able to capture the essence of the feelings of this walk down memory lane, as I put all of these stories together.
I am blessed to be a part of a most special family. 'The gift of family'.
And today has been 'The Ultimate Gift'...........
I started out the morning like I always do and was feeling so lucky because I had 'the gift of time' on my hands before my scheduled trek out to Davidson for the quest for stories for my book project.
I thought I was in the right mindset to sit down and do 'an impossible thing' (see my blog "6 Impossible Things Before Lunch"). I have had words stirring in my mind for a long time - an email that I wanted to send to a friend that I have lost touch with (neglected perhaps?). This is a friend that is 'tied up' with my past, so it is trickier navigation at times as the past intermingles with the present and it is too easy to be hurt or unintentionally do hurtful things. Because I knew that fault lied with me, for not keeping in closer touch, it was hard to do. But by the time I sat down this morning, the words were all at my fingertips.
I no sooner got to the point in my email where I needed to take a step back from it and reread it in a different light, when I got a phone call from another 'friend of my past'. Again ... both of us in a vulnerable spot where one is easily offended or hurt. It is so sad when someone who used to be so close, becomes someone you almost need to keep a distance from, because of those wounds - either fresh or newly healed.
To make a long story short, I ended my morning with a good visit under my belt with both of these friends. One, in person ... the other via email (a rather one-sided visit there, but at least a beginning). 'The gift of friends'....
The next item on the agenda was to pick up my cousin and head out to her Mom's in Davidson to 'research' the family history book.
Well. This cousin is a breath of fresh air. Purely enjoyable to be around, visit with, laugh with, and reminisce with. Our trip there and back went so fast as we managed to do a 'lifetime' of catching up in less than 2 1/2 hours.
And the visit at my aunts, with another aunt that I'm certain that I've really never spoken to in my life (she was married to my Mom's younger brother that we didn't see alot, as I grew up) was absolutely ... a gift.
I have stepped completely out of my comfort zone to call these family members to suggest we collect up the family's memories to put into a book. And I was welcomed into their homes and collection of family stories like I was a long lost friend (instead of a timid niece that barely spoke as a child).
We laughed ... and we laughed ... and we laughed (the 'gift of laughter'). Reminiscing with this most amazing group of relatives was something to behold. The memories of a time long ago that was most definately a life filled with challenges were recalled with fondness (and even the ability to almost chuckle over the stories about the frozen indoor 'commode' ... details left best to the imagination).
I hope that I am able to capture the essence of the feelings of this walk down memory lane, as I put all of these stories together.
I am blessed to be a part of a most special family. 'The gift of family'.
And today has been 'The Ultimate Gift'...........
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thinking Forward
I am envisioning the completion of 'The Book'. I have a title in mind (in keeping with weaving peoples stories together, ''Tapestry'' is part of it). And with tapestry in mind, I'm thinking that the family tartan would be a good part of the cover. And in keeping with that, wouldn't it be great if I could miniaturize the family crest and have it mark the beginning of each chapter??
Yes, I'm definately getting ahead of myself but I truly believe by envisioning the completed project in my mind, I am setting myself up for success. The completion of this project (finishing what I've started) defines success for me this first time around.
My mind is swirling with ways to tell our family's story. I am getting excited about it and I hope that feeling that excitement now, it will create excitement (or at least an interest) while the reader is reading it.
These are the meanderings of my mind today. I just have to write them down so I can go back and read them if I lose the inspiration to go forward....
Yes, I'm definately getting ahead of myself but I truly believe by envisioning the completed project in my mind, I am setting myself up for success. The completion of this project (finishing what I've started) defines success for me this first time around.
My mind is swirling with ways to tell our family's story. I am getting excited about it and I hope that feeling that excitement now, it will create excitement (or at least an interest) while the reader is reading it.
These are the meanderings of my mind today. I just have to write them down so I can go back and read them if I lose the inspiration to go forward....
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I'm Drinking From My Saucer
I read this verse years ago and it is resonating in my mind tonight. Thank goodness for Google and the ability to key in a few remembered words, so that I could copy and paste this on my blog tonight ... because I truly feel that I'm 'drinking from my saucer' a lot these days. I wish these words were mine, but they are good words to share no matter whose words they are .....
I'm Drinking From My SaucerAuthor Unknown
I've never made a fortune,
And it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy anyhow.
As I go along life's journey,
Reaping better than I have sowed,
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
Ain't got a lot of riches,
And sometime the going's rough.
But I've got a family that loves me.
That makes me rich enough.
I just thank God for His blessings,
And the mercy He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
I remember times when things went wrong,
And my faith got a little thin.
Then all at once the dark clouds broke,
And the old sun broke through again.
So, Lord, help me not to gripe
About the tough rows I have hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
And if God gives me strength and courage
When the way gets steep and rough,
I won't ask for other blessings--
I'm already blessed enough.
Lord, may I never be too busy
To help others bear their loads.
Help me show them how to drink from their saucers
'Cause You make their cup overflow.
So I’ll just keep on drinking from my saucer,
‘Cause now I’ve come to know
God fills me with every blessing...
And now my saucer overflows!
I'm Drinking From My SaucerAuthor Unknown
I've never made a fortune,
And it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy anyhow.
As I go along life's journey,
Reaping better than I have sowed,
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
Ain't got a lot of riches,
And sometime the going's rough.
But I've got a family that loves me.
That makes me rich enough.
I just thank God for His blessings,
And the mercy He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
I remember times when things went wrong,
And my faith got a little thin.
Then all at once the dark clouds broke,
And the old sun broke through again.
So, Lord, help me not to gripe
About the tough rows I have hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.
And if God gives me strength and courage
When the way gets steep and rough,
I won't ask for other blessings--
I'm already blessed enough.
Lord, may I never be too busy
To help others bear their loads.
Help me show them how to drink from their saucers
'Cause You make their cup overflow.
So I’ll just keep on drinking from my saucer,
‘Cause now I’ve come to know
God fills me with every blessing...
And now my saucer overflows!
Fulfillment
I am feeling absolutely jubliant about life these days!! I have an outlet for my excess words, here on this blog, I have an outlet for my 'creativity' with ''The Book", I have my dancing to fulfill the 'fun' part of my life, I have my work,which is something that I feel like I am doing well. I have my family - I feel like my own family unit is getting stronger once again. I have reached out to so many family members these past 6 months ... it is amazing. Between keeping in touch with my own siblings (planning a birthday gathering for Mom) and initiating these get togethers with my aunts to gather information and stories for "The Book". And friends. Where would I be without my friends? And I feel like I am a equal partner in my friendships ... not the needy one.....
I have patience with the kids, I am enjoying my the parents I babysit for, I feel like I am a better parent, I have something left of me to offer at the end of the day ... whether it is to help someone out in some way ... or actually leave the house and go and visit someone ... I am so very, very ''full''.
I have often felt a void in my life. And it has honestly felt like a hole in my heart or soul in some way. I can feel the difference in the way I eat, I shop and I live when I am ''full''.
I have shopped and filled my cart as though I was 'filling a void' ... I have eaten to the point where I am beyond full but still shovelling in the food to fill something inside me that is empty ... I have rejected people and socializing in my life because I am so hollow inside that I feel I have nothing to offer anyone.
But these days ... I am full. I eat because I am hungry. I shop because I need to. And I actually can leave the house at the end of a day ... and still feel like a vital human being that has something to offer someone else.
I have just returned home from a most enjoyable visit ... my heart and my soul are so content. Feeling like this at the end of the day defines contentment and happiness.
My cup is overflowing ...
I have patience with the kids, I am enjoying my the parents I babysit for, I feel like I am a better parent, I have something left of me to offer at the end of the day ... whether it is to help someone out in some way ... or actually leave the house and go and visit someone ... I am so very, very ''full''.
I have often felt a void in my life. And it has honestly felt like a hole in my heart or soul in some way. I can feel the difference in the way I eat, I shop and I live when I am ''full''.
I have shopped and filled my cart as though I was 'filling a void' ... I have eaten to the point where I am beyond full but still shovelling in the food to fill something inside me that is empty ... I have rejected people and socializing in my life because I am so hollow inside that I feel I have nothing to offer anyone.
But these days ... I am full. I eat because I am hungry. I shop because I need to. And I actually can leave the house at the end of a day ... and still feel like a vital human being that has something to offer someone else.
I have just returned home from a most enjoyable visit ... my heart and my soul are so content. Feeling like this at the end of the day defines contentment and happiness.
My cup is overflowing ...
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